


Life Is The Cruelest Teacher (Tarsus IV Part 1)

by infiniteworld8



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Abandonment, Altered Mental States, Cannibalism, Cannibalistic Thoughts, Child Death, Child Soldiers, Difficult Decisions, Disasters, Dissociation, Dysfunctional Family, Execution, Firing Squads, Government Conspiracy, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Mass Death, Mental Health Issues, Mind Control, Protests, Riots, Science Experiments, Smart Kirk, Starfleet Fucked Up, Tarsus IV, Teen James T. Kirk, The Federation is Not what it seems, Underage Drinking, Underage Drug Use, atrocities
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-22
Updated: 2018-02-24
Packaged: 2018-09-11 05:58:46
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 17
Words: 47,780
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8957302
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/infiniteworld8/pseuds/infiniteworld8
Summary: Tarsus IV happened in most verse's. Only in this one The Federation didn't arrive in days to save everyone. Kodos, wasn't a misguided man trying to save who he could. And Kirk wasn't the kid who lived a few days in hell and made it out alive. Tarsus shaped him, it scarred him and ultimately it killed him. Jimmy died and the person who rose from the ash became the man who would lead the Enterprise and risk everything for his crew...his family.Because he already had before.This is the story. (Updates Every other week)





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So, here it is the long awaited Tarsus IV story that I've been waiting years (seriously) to release. I hope it lives up to expectations. If not...well at least I finally got this damn idea out my head and its a little quieter in there now.

_~Life is the cruellest teacher, first it gives the test, then teaches the lesson~ anonymous_

 

**2244**

A blast of cold air assaulted him as Kirk walked down the house steps and hitched his bag higher on his shoulder. He defiantly ignored his mother’s call to wear a coat and his stepfather’s shout of “I don’t care if that disrespectful little shit freezes his ass off.”  Snow was falling and it was a long two-mile walk to school, but Kirk didn’t care. He had missed the bus, because Frank had made him clean out the garage last night and of course this morning it hadn’t been up to his standards—nothing ever was that Kirk did. Therefore, after a few half-drunk curses and Kirk exchanging a few well—placed barbs, the whole situation had degenerated into what it always did until his mother had woken up and intervened. Now Kirk was sporting the bruises and Frank was still seething.

Kirk was still pissed at both his mother and Frank. He could see she didn’t care or want to be bothered with him.  She always had that distant look as if she was just taking care of him from obligation. Kirk shivered as cold wind streaked down his collar ruffling his hair. His toes were cold and his breath billowed in the air. He wished they lived closer to town or he could have caught the bus, as his teeth chattered he almost even wished Frank had driven him to school. The thought quickly dissipated, as he knew his stepfather would use the drive as even more of any opportunity to impress what a burden he was and tell him how he shouldn’t even be alive. Kirk would then have to respond in kind and that sort of thing never turned out well.

A swirl of snow washed over him sending flakes cascading into his hair and Kirk pulled his thin jacket even tighter. He kicked at a clump of ice and snow and felt his eyes burning. It was all so unfair. Abruptly he dragged a hand over his wiping away the moisture he was sure had only been caused by the cold air. He sniffed back the tears and decided he didn’t care. He was a Kirk and a Kirk could handle a lot more than a little cold. His brother Sam had known that and that’s why he had left a little less   than a year ago. Kirk planned to leave too, as soon as he got the chance. If his mother and stepfather didn’t want him around, he wasn’t going to force his presence on them.

Kirk trudged into school with blue-tinged lips, reddened frostbit hands and a scowl. He was chilled to the bone, his feet were soaked with slush, and his stomach ached from where Frank had sucker-punched him earlier, but he refused to show his discomfort to any of the kids milling around waiting for classes to start.  He walked into the building nodding at the few kids he was friendly with, scowling at the others and glancing appreciatively at the girls who were way out of his league. A few of the older boys tried to block his path, he didn’t break his stride, all he did was raise his eyes meeting theirs and wait till they backed away. They knew just like most of the teachers did, he wasn’t going to back down. Not anymore. Not ever again. Once the fight started, it wouldn’t end until one of them was the victor and for Kirk the meant until one of them was too badly beaten to fight back.

He sauntered into his advanced mathematics class just as the bell was ringing. The teacher gave him a stern look and he winked at her in response, and then deliberately let his eyes travel over the rest of his body before he walked to his seat. The teacher, Ms. Nancy Raymond, was young, about early twenties. She had black hair and a body hat had led to numerous crushes by the adolescent boys that comprised half her class.  Kirk slouched in his seat and grabbed his data Padd off his desk. He flicked it on ignoring the instructions the teacher was issuing in favour of opening an app. The whole class was pitiful in his opinion. He was officially in high school after years of testing off-the charts, but not allowed to advance. His mother had finally agreed to let him skip several grades in the hope that the challenge would let him expend some of the energy that was always getting him into trouble, but the sophomore coursework wasn’t hard to him and his visits to the principal were becoming even more frequent.

Kirk was irritated with the whole situation. The teachers in the younger grades he could excuse for basically being idiots, but it was growing old repeatedly correcting them and pointing out errors on the tests. In fact, Kirk thought Ms. Raymond should be happy he even came to class, though he had to admit if she wasn’t teaching he probably would have skipped.

The math test transmitted to the class and Kirk was aware of the boy ahead of him glancing back occasionally. He knew what the other boy was waiting for and he deliberately reread the questions before he began answering.

The boy's name was Charles. He had attacked Kirk a few weeks ago with a group of friends and by the end of it, a bruised and very much bloodied Kirk had been forced at knifepoint to agree to let him copy the answers from him next test.  Never mind that the whole incident had been started when Kirk had randomly walked up and sucker punched the boy, because he was pissed at Frank and spoiling for a fight, Kirk still vowed to get revenge as he had watched the boy and his friends walk away.

Kirk finished the test in less than 10 minutes each of the 60 questions had taken a few seconds to answer. He pressed the submit button and then sat his Padd down with an intentionally loud clunk. A faint smile graced his face as Ms. Raymond’s eyebrows raised and she saw he had finished his test. Kirk smirked and then stared very obviously at Ms. Raymond’s chest until she blushed and turned away pulling her sweater tighter. The rest of the class was still finishing up and Kirk was growing bored, he grabbed his Padd again, bypassed the programming and called up a game. He didn’t try to hide what he was doing and all but dared the teacher to stop him.

Ms. Raymond knew his track record and wisely decided to ignore what he was doing. When the timer rang, groans were heard from almost all the class and then seconds later there were yells of elation and more groans as the grades came back.  Kirk’s grade flashed on his Padd momentarily interrupting his game: 1/60.  The boy sitting in front of him Charles, turned back as he got the almost the same grade and Kirk gave him a defiant grin, ignoring the murderous look the other boy sent him in return.

Ms. Raymond was speaking. “Well you all scored well for the most part, however one person has one of the lowest scores ever received on this routine test and—“

All heads in class turned to the small-mousy haired boy in the back called Eric. Ms. Raymond didn’t miss the collective class response and frowned while saying. “Now Mr. Schneider is not who I’m talking about. If privacy laws didn’t prevent me I’d tell you I was talking about –“

She broke off, and shifted some Padds on her desk before starting to speak again. Kirk gave a grin and filled in the blank “Me.”

Kirk enjoyed the way everybody was surprised and stared at Ms. Raymond’s bright red face shamelessly.

“Well James since you want everybody to know can you explain what the problem with this test was?”

“First my name isn’t James it’s J.T. Nancy.”  Kirk propped his feet on his desk and continued. “Second I can’t really answer your question because I don’t see what problem there is.”

“This test was worth a quarter of your grade, and—”

Kirk feigned surprise. “That much? Then why the hell were the questions so easy?”

“Mr. Kirk if they were easy, then why did you get all of them wrong?”

Kirk scratched his ear lazily and let the moment linger before saying. “I’m only going to answer this question because  I like you.” Kirk leaned farther back in his desk. “The test was so easy I didn’t feel like wasting my time answering those questions...except that last one...It was actually a little difficult, plus I felt sorry for you...didn’t want them thinking you _ain’t_ teaching us nothing.”

Ms. Raymond ignored the sarcastic remark. “So you deliberately failed the test?”

“Not failed... more like I had better things to do...I was really distracted.”

“James, the test was...”

Kirk scowled as she used his first name, then abruptly grinned again as a comment occurred to him. “ It’s J.T. and Nancy don’t be getting mad at me if they wanted us to learn they shouldn’t have given us a teacher...as hot as you.”

The entire class broke out in snickers that son turned by many to roars of laughter. Ms. Raymond had to wait several moments until she could be head again. When she spoke her face was beet red and obviously angry.  “James I want you to go see the principal.”

“And I want to see you with your clothes off, but we all can’t get what we want can we?”

Kirk ignored the snickers that followed his remarks from many of his male classmates and the hushed silence from others who obviously thought he was going too far. Instead, he grinned even wider.

Ms. Raymond was obviously very uncomfortable and trying to figure out what she could do. Kirk relaxed further back in his seat, and imagined her dilemma: How to get him to go to the principal’s office without causing more of a scene.

 A loud sound rang out announcing the end of class and Ms. Raymond jumped visibly, the other children scrambled for the door, Kirk remained in his seat. Within seconds the classroom was empty and Kirk was left staring defiantly at Ms. Raymond. There was no reason to worry about making a scene now, nobody was around, but something in Kirk’s eyes gave the teacher pause. She swallowed and against her better judgement, decided to let the incident go. “James, your next class will be staring in a few minutes, just go.”

Kirk could have grabbed his bag and left. But something about the way she had spoken angered him. She sounded just like Frank or his mother, they were always trying to get rid of him, pass him off like a problem, and he was tired of it. Plus he didn’t have to follow her orders or anybody’s for that matter. Whatever was going to happen was going to be on his own terms.

“No.”

Ms. Raymond was noticeably surprised. “What? James I said—.”

“No.” Kirk pulled his feet off his desk and let his chair fall back down. He planted his arms on his desk and leaned forward. “It’s like this Nancy. Why am I going to some biology class to sit there and listen to the teacher, for what? I’m not interested.”

“James, I—.”

Kirk stood up and walked a little closer, until he was inches away. He stared his teacher right in the eyes and said “If you’re so interested in me learning some biology Nancy, you can give me a lesson or two right here.” Kirk smirked at the discomfiture in her expression and added suggestively. “In private.”

Ms. Raymond turned an even darker shade of red; she was speechless for several seconds and then without a word she walked up to Kirk.

“Come with me—Now!”

Kirk grinned knowing that he had finally succeeded in angering her beyond any chance of maintaining her composure. Wordlessly he slung his bag over his shoulder and followed her on the short and familiar walk to the principal’s office.   Once there he slouched as he , she informed the secretary what he was here for. Hearing his crimes listed in real time , he mused that maybe instead of being suspended he might get expelled. He really didn’t care which, either way, Frank and his mother wouldn’t care. Sure his mom would probably ask him why he was acting so bad and threaten all the same useless punishments but then she would be gone as all ways for another month long trip. And he would be left with Frank. Then she would come back and put on the false show again of pretending to actually care about him and that she didn’t wished he was just gone like his brother.

He didn’t miss the way she never hugged him if she could help it.  Or always found something wrong with whatever he did. It had hurt when he was younger, but now he had convinced himself he didn’t care.

But that didn’t mean that was going to let himself stand back in the shadows and be ignored. He was used to his brother taking the lead, Sam talked back to Frank and suffered the consequences, he started the fights at school and ended them, he stole, swore, and generally gave his mother and Frank hell.

Jim , was the good kid, the one who did what he was told. Who followed Franks orders and didn’t talk back or complain even when he was about to receive even yet another undeserved punishment .  He was the one who tried his hardest to please. He was the one who took whatever was being dished out, because that was easier than conflict.

Except, now he was done. It had started the second week after Sam had left. When Kirk got back to school his exploits were common knowledge and an older boy had walked up to him shoving a data Padd in his face with the news clip showing him speeding down the road in his father’s car.

“Think you’re something huh? Trying to get as famous as your dad?”

Kirk glanced again at the clip as the boy spoke. He knew how he had felt at that moment and it hadn’t been a desire for fame, or anything remotely like that. The reasons that he had drove the car were simple. The first was to piss off Frank. The second was to finally, for once in his pitiful life of obedience and following the rules, to feel alive. And at the last moment has he had been about to hurtle over the cliff and into the quarry something had stopped him and it wasn’t the thought of saving his life. It was another fuck you to Frank and his mother. He wasn’t going to die or make it easy on them, he was going to give them and everyone else he could hell.

So when the boy had shoved  the data Padd even further in his face and snarled. “You’re going to have to try harder than that cause all you are is a scrawny ass kid who—“ Kirk didn’t speak , instead he moved to turn away, ignoring the insults. The boy pushed him and Kirk landed on the ground hard, his head falling back against the stone. He was momentarily dazed and as he struggled to pull himself up, the boy crouched down pinning him. Kirk bucked and twisted in the older boy’s grip , but he couldn’t move. The  boy leaned  closer his breath hot and stale in Kirk’s face.  “Not such a big shit now , with no to Sam here to save your prissy ass and the teacher not around. So what you goin’ do?”

The older boy didn’t give him a chance to speak instead he punched Kirk hard in the face and then pushed his head back further grinding gravel into skin. The older boy’s weight was crushing the breath out of Kirk and he could barely breath. It was almost suicide to even try to fight back and normally Kirk wouldn’t have tried much or Sam would have intervened.

 But his ribs were aching already from  Frank giving him a “lesson in obedience” before he left the house and his ankle was throbbing from where he had “fallen” down the stairs after said lesson. His brother had told him before he left that he would be okay because he “always did what Frank said”  but Kirk had found he wasn’t able to do that anymore. He couldn’t sit quietly while the man insulted his father, when his mother was gone. He couldn’t fetch Frank a beer when the refrigerator was empty of anything else and he hadn’t eaten all day. He couldn’t pretend he didn’t care that Sam was gone or  hide the tears enough so Frank wouldn’t hit him and call him a punk when he found him crying himself to sleep.

So he wanted to fight, to beat something, to hurt somebody even if he was going to lose. The other boy was surprised as Kirk twisted under his weight and bucked him off and then it was a rapidly degenerating fight. Kirk had limped home that day to an uncaring Frank with a lot more bruises and cuts than when he had left. But the pain was good, the fighting was good because for once he was actual standing up for himself.

His teacher, Ms. Raymond had finished talking to the secretary and then walked away. Kirk was tempted to cat-call after her but decided against it in favour of  very obviously staring down the front of the secretary’s blouse. He ignored the lecture she was giving him and only spoke to tell her to “pull your fucking hand back unless you want a prosthesis.” When she tried to grab his arm and lead him into the room adjacent to the principal’s office.  He glared at her as she insisted he take his bag off and leave it behind and muttered darkly under his breath. “If you touch anything, you’ll wish you didn’t.”

He ignored the shock of her face as he brushed past her into the room. It was old-fashioned with wood panelling; it looked like it might have been a study or a small library at one time, but now it was bare except for a table and a potted plant in the corner. He knew the room was typically reserved for parent-teacher conferences and occasional detentions. Now, it was where Kirk had been relegated to being sent for his “talks” with the principal.

He forgot when this had become his destination instead of the man’s office but it was probably after they had left him alone in the office only to find come back and find a safe (the principal swore he didn’t know about) wide open and his secret liquor stash on display for all. Never mind that Kirk hadn’t taken anything and opening the safe had merely been to satisfy his own curiosity and relieve some boredom, the outcome was the same.

Now he was stuck for the next few minutes until the principal saw him, in a room with bolted down tables and chairs , nothing on the walls and ore importantly nothing to occupy him.

He paced restlessly around the room for several minutes as the time stretched and  as nobody appeared he went to the window and watched the children outside.  He finally grew bored and wandered back to the table. There was no way to check the time but he was sure more than a few minutes had passed. More like a half-an hour—probably even longer.

That was fine with him. If they wanted to give him time to “think” over what he had done or “see” the wrongness of his actions then they had another thing coming though. There was no way in hell that he was apologizing for anything he did. Not anymore, not ever again. So he was resigned to waiting, he was sure he could wait them out a lot longer than they could him. After all how long could they keep him after the school day ended.

He restlessly propped his feet on the table and sat there for at least another fifteen minutes before a problem slowly made itself known. He had to go to the bathroom. He shifted uncomfortably in his seat and then after a minutes went to the door and tried it. The door was locked, he called out and nobody answered He swore savagely and imagined what he would do to the secretary if he could get to her. A quick check of the window revealed it was sealed tightly. He was growing more and more uncomfortable by the second, as he turned away from the window his eyes landed on the potted plant in the corner. With barely a moment’s hesitation he unfastened his trousers and sighed in relief as the pressure lessened.

He was interrupted by the door opening and the principal walking in. Leisurely he finished what he was doing and turned to meet the older man.

He answered the principals’ appraising glace with “I had to go Dick.”

Kirk sauntered back to his seat and ignored the principal as he hastened to correct Kirk’s abbreviation of his name. “It’s Principal Carmichael or Mr. Carmichael, even Richard would be more acceptable than—“

“Dick.” Kirk finished shamelessly, ignoring the flustered look on the man’s face.  There was silence as the principal stare at him and Kirk glared back, then the older man sighed. “I see James that—“ He paused a tad nervously as Kirk narrowed  his eyes at the use of his first name. The principal swallowed  and cleared his throat before continuing. “Nothing I say to you is going to persuade you to change is it? Because quite simply you like this don’t you?”

Kirk rolled his eyes. “Really _Dick_ , this is all you can come up with, ‘I like this’ “ He leaned forward, causing the principal to unconsciously move backwards. ” ‘cause I can tell you what I really don’t being like. It’s being locked in a room like a fucking animal and then talked to like an idiot by a man who’s almost two centuries...So why don’t you think about changing some of that first.”

The principal coloured noticeably at Kirk’ words which the boy noticed with satisfaction. It took him a moment to compose himself before he could speak again. “What you like is attention.”

Kirk shifted unconsciously and before he could respond the man was continuing. “This wasn’t about a test or your teacher.”

Kirk cut in. “Actually it was about her, have you seen her ass? If you want me to pay attention then—“

The principal over talked him. “you’re doing this because your brother left and you’re either not getting any attention at home or the wrong kind of attention.”

“I-I’m fine at home and ” Kirk started to protest but Carmichael stopped the words by grasping the edge of Kirk’s sleeve and raising it upwards, exposing a series of darkened bruises trailing up his arm.. “How did _this_ happen?”

“I fell.” The words were ground in between clenched teeth as Kirk ripped his hand from the man’s grasp and savagely yanked his shirt sleeve back down.

“Really James, because that’s looks like—“

“First, it’s J.T. not fucking James. “ Kirk practically snarled the words. “Second _Dick_  I want you to keep your fucking hands off me.”

The principal drew a deep breath and then tried changing tracts. “Your behaviour is sufficient cause for you to be suspended or even expelled, but—.”

“Then expel me.”

“James—you have test scores off the chart. You have potential , your aptitude scores indicate that—“

“You just don’t get this do you. I—Don’t—Care! Expel me, suspend me, do whatever you want.”

The principal was silent and there was no sound for a few seconds then the older man began quietly in what was obviously supposed to be a soothing and understanding tone. “You—“

“Fine you want a reason? I’ll give you a reason.” Kirk stood and began yelling. “If I have to sit through another one of these meetings I’ll burn the fucking school down, starting with your office.” Kirk sat down panting slightly. “So there punish me, expel me.”

The principal was shocked, Kirk waited for his next words. “James, I’m placing you on suspension for the next month . After which you will have an academic review of your coursework and behaviour.  Also I’m going to suggest that you meet with the school counsellors.”

Kirk shrugged and yawned widely as he leaned nonchalantly back in his chair. The principal continued. “I’m going to have a meeting with your mother and father about—“

“Frank.”

“Excuse me—“

“My father’s dead, you mean Frank , my step-dad.”

Carmichael watched him closely and Kirk glanced away to avoid the man’s piercing gaze. Finally the man nodded. “Yes, well Frank.”

There was silence for several minutes in which Kirk looked anywhere but at the principal who was staring at him with a slightly sad look.  “What happened, you used to be—“

“Can I go now!”

Carmichael hesitated for a moment obviously wanting to talk more but he reluctantly nodded. Kirk stood up and started toward the door, but before he had made it more then a few steps, a gentle hand laid on his shoulder. “James—J.T. whatever’s going on I want you to know that you can always talk to me—“ Kirk paused as he listened to the principal’s words, he went unnaturally still and his body briefly shuddered with what could have been a sob.

Kirk swung around wrenching his shoulder from the man’s touch and backing away. “I can take care of myself.”

Then he was gone. So fast the principal didn’t even  have time to see him wiping tears from his cheeks.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for the delay in posting. Here's a chapter. We arrive at Tarsus IV in 2 more chapters.

School was out and the grounds were mostly deserted except for the lingering children who waited to be picked up and those who would rather face the harsh cold than go home. Kirk leaned back against the old brick building, his book bag rested by his feet and his head was bowed against the cold wind. With numb fingers he grasped the bottle he was offered and raised it to his lips. The harsh liquid burned it’s way down his throat but he swallowed it with a grimace and passed t back to the older boy on the side of him.

It was hours after the principal had dismissed Kirk, but he had known that going home only meant glares and fist from Frank (if his mother wasn’t home) and even colder words and looks of his disappointment from his mother if she was home. So he put off the inevitable meeting as long as possible and instead found the school’s two other main delinquents, Dean and Cass. They were 16-year old twins and known for a reputation that made every mother want to keep their kids away and made every boy who knew of them envious.

Somehow, Kirk even though he was five years younger, had been informally accepted as a part of their group of troublemakers. Maybe, because they  felt sorry for him or maybe because he was just as much a hell raiser as them, but now he finally belonged to something.

When he was graffiting the stores down main street or breaking into air skimmers , sometimes just for a few minutes he forgot that he had a crappy life...sometimes he forgot that the person running behind him and collapsing in breathless laughter as they watched one of their latest handiworks be discovered wasn’t his brother. And that made it worthwhile.

He wanted to destroy something, anything really, and most of the kids in school could sense it.  They wisely stayed out his way, and his anger grew. Which was how he found himself now, trading swallows of stolen liquor  behind the school, as he discussed torching the principal’s office with the other two boys.  As the Dean and Cass , grew more and more set on the idea, Kirk began to be kind of sorry that he had brought it up, because even though he was still sort of pissed at principal Carmichael, he really didn’t hate the man . 

“So what do you say J.T. you up for it?” One of the twins said leaning close, Kirk knew it was Cass by his tongue piercing, otherwise both  were almost identical.

Kirk tried to shrug it off without sounding like he was backing out. “I don’t know, somebody might get hurt.”

“Don’t be a wimp.” Of the twins pulled a cigarette from his pocket and lit it. The heavy smell of synthetic marijuana suffused the air. The boy exhaled a cloud of smoke and offered the cigarette to Kirk, who declined, before offering it to his brother.

“Yeah, Carmichael’s got it coming.” Dean took a long pull before continuing. “You know how many times he called my ass into the office for stupid shit?”

“But—“

“No buts’.”

The twins soon overrode Kirk’s protests and he found himself reluctantly agreeing. Before he knew what was happening Kirk was creeping along the side of the building towards rge principal’s office. The twins had gone to keep watch , while Kirk actually did the deed.

Kirk found the principals’ window and hoisted himself up so he could open  the latch. He sta precariously on the narrow ledge and fumbled in his pocket for a lighter as he gripped the improvised Molotov cocktail in one hand.  Before he could go any further a hand clamped down on his shoulder.

“Just what do you think you’re doing?” Kirk turned to find the principal staring up at him. He slipped off the ledge and dropped the lighter and bottle he was holding and tred to scramble away, but the man held him tightly.

It was only a minute or two before the police came. Kirk glared at them defiantly as the principal explained what had happened. Strangely, he didn’t mention that Kirk had been caught red-handed trying to torch his office. Instead he told them that he had stopped him from trying to deface it.

The police lectured him for a few minutes before ushering him into the police skimmer. Kirk’s stomach clenched as he realised that they weren’t taking  him to he station but back home. Frank would be really pissed. Kirk shuddered as he thought of what he was in store for if his mother wasn’t home. One of the cops noticed him shivering and called over his shoulder. “You cold?”

Kirk shook his head and held his body stiffer ut that didn’t stop his hands from trembling or his fingertips from tracing the bruises already marking his skin.  When they finally got home, he gave a small sigh of relief as his mother appeared in the door. The confusion on her face at the sight of him being escorted up the stairs by the officers vaguely registered with him, he listened in silence as they explained what had happened , then they left. It was silent as his mother watched the skimmer leave. Then it started.

“James, I’m very disappointed in you.” He followed his mother, Winona, in the house as she spoke without looking at him. “How could you do such a thing? The principal already called about a day ago about the other stuff you were doing and now this?”

Kirk stood still in the middle of the kitchen floor as she spoke. And not once did she even look at him. “Your brother , never caused so much trouble. You’re always getting in trouble. Ever since you were little.”

Not once did Kirk speak to refute the false claims. It wasn’t true , he had never gotten into trouble before Sam left. Not like this, maybe a few childish pranks, but nothing on the scale of what he did now. He had been the one who brought home A’s on his report card, the one who did what Frank said without question ...The one who did whatever his mother wanted so maybe, just maybe she would look at him like she looked at Sam.

Winona slammed , a pot down on the counter and continued ranting. “You’re like a devil’s spawn. All the trouble you bring, again and again, ever since the day you were born..”

Kirk felt his eyes burn but he swallowed sharply, willing himself not to cry. Frank already had taught him plenty of  times the consequences of that. Winona was shouting now, unaware of what effect her words were having and still Kirk hadn’t spoken, finally she turned to look at him. Her voice was condemning. “You steal, you lie, you cheat. You’re always hanging around those two boys at school getting into trouble. What am I going to do with you James?” Her eyes were fever bright as she continued. “You antagonise Frank , you’re going to be the death of me. Why was I cursed with this?”

Tears had started to fall from Winona, eyes, Kirk moved toward his mother, his voice was quivering as he tried to speak. “Mom, I’m sorry, I—“

She wasn’t listening though, the tears were falling hard and fast and her voice had risen to an almost hysterical level. “he’s dead—He died for you  and for what? What would your father say, what would George say knowing his life was wasted?”

Out of all the things she could have said, that brought the most response from Kirk. He saw the look of agony that flashed across his mother’s face as she said the last words. Even though what she had said cut through him like a knife, he swallowed against the lump in his throat and tried again. “Mom—I’m sorry—“ He broke off, he didn’t know what he was apologising for really—half of it was for what he had done—but the other half if he was honest with himself was for even being alive.  Kirk tried to speak again but the words froze in his mouth as his mother tried to brush away the tears that were flooding her eyes.

Her expression was changing again. It had been intense sadness, and a pain that was almost physical and now it was anger. He flinched as her voice seared him, deadly quiet and yet so loud it couldn’t be mistaken. “Go  just go, No dinner tonight! Go straight to bed. Leave.” When Kirk didn’t move she grabbed a pot of the counter and threw it at him. It caught him in the chest.

 “leave, leave now.” Before he could move she had moved towards him and grabbed him by the shoulders shaking him, she was like a frenzied animal, her hand flashed out and slapped him. Kirk stumbled backwards as he tasted blood in his mouth.

His mother had collapsed to the floor when he moved away. She was whispering now, but this time it wasn’t words of anger, it was the quiet, beaten whispers of a destroyed person. “Please, just leave.”

Kirk backed out the kitchen and then he  ran. He slammed his bedroom door and collapsed on his body, dragging his pillows over his head so he didn’t have to hear the heart-wrenching sobs laced with his father’s name or the screams that sounded like somebody was being tortured that followed.

It was late at night when his mother finally quieted and Frank came home. Kirk tried to sleep even though, his stomach was growling, but he was in dread of the next day.

He didn’t have long to wait. His mother left early morning for a “meeting”, but he knew it was just an excuse to get away from him and what he reminded her of.

 It wasn’t minutes after the door had slammed shut that the heavy tramping of boots up the stairs could be heard and Frank appeared. He had also heard of Kirk’s transgressions the previous day and was more than happy to have another reason (though he didn’t need one) to mete out punishment.

A few hours later , Kirk finally managed to escape the house to the barn. His ribs were aching from where Frank had kicked him, his face was bruised and his nose was bleeding thickly.  Plus his trousers were soaked from where he had we had wet himself after being sucker-punched by Frank  in the stomach.

He pinched his bleeding nose and waited for it to stop as he shivered in his damp clothes. He had only a few hours until his mother came back. He knew she would look at the bruises and not stop to consider how they had got their or at least care enough to find the truth. Frank’s lie of a Kirk getting in another fight with some kids would go uncontested and Kirk himself wouldn’t say anything. Because only babies whined to their mother’s and if she didn’t care enough about him to see what was happening, then it didn’t matter anyway.

She came back late in the night and barely said a word except to scold him half-heartedly when Frank gave her the requisite lie..

He grew more and more reckless, things finally came to a head weeks later.

XXXX XXXX

Kirk hit the pedal harder as he thought back over the past few weeks. The more he had acted out the more she had ignored him , like he was a problem that would fade away like a bad memory.

He glanced at the pedometer noting with satisfaction as his speed amped up. It was way past over the speed limit and what would have been even remotely advisable.

The skimmer racing neck to neck fell back as he crossed 300kph and the distance just fell away. He corrected his course as a wind gust sent him almost swinging sideways. It was freezing outside and while being in an air skimmer meant you didn’t have to worry about an errant patch of ice sending you skittering to your doom, wind gusts could be just as deadly. Especially when there wasn’t a  tree in sight to break up the buffeting currents.

Kirk floored the pedal as the silver skimmer near him finally got the courage to try to match his speed, it soon fell back again as his speed increased even more. Whoever in the other skimmer was in the race to win, as he was. But there was one difference between Kirk and his opponent. They apparently wouldn’t risk their lives for the sake of winning. For Kirk dead or alive it didn’t matter as long as he won.

The worry of death didn’t hamper the decisions he made as the landscape whipped past him to fast to see. He wasn’t inherently suicidal, it wasn’t like he was actively seeking his death, but more like he was willing to do anything he had to win.

That was probably why the older guys had let them in on their illegal races. What he didn’t have in age or size, he made up for with attitude.

At first it had been a joke for them, they let him take one or two air skimmers out after catching him after school and half-teasing half-bullying about racing his father’s old convertible down a dusty back road. When Kirk had finished his first race a good few kilometres ahead of both his competitors, the laughing had turned to grudging admiration.

Next day he was getting an official invite to the group. Which consisted of a small share in the illegally gained credits earned from winning races and if he wanted an even more abundant share of the drugs an alcohol that flowed through the group of older teens and young adults.

Kirk didn’t care about how illegal their activities were, it just felt good to belong to something.

The finish line was coming up and it was just over the rock quarry and  then—Kirk glanced over his shoulder to spot the other vehicle in the distance—he would have won.

He shot over the edge of the cliff and felt the slight drop as the skimmer compensated for the difference in group height , before stabilizing. Or at least it tried too, seconds later something careened into the skimmer, knocking it off course and if the reading n the das was correct—destroying the skimmer’s stabilizers .

Kirk turned to find the skimmer that had been several meters behind was spiralling away trailing smoke after having apparently struck his craft. Kirk had a few seconds to wonder whether the crash had been a last desperate attempt to win the race or a freak accident caused by the wind and then the other skimmer slewed sideways and crashed into the cliff. Where it was quickly consumed by a fireball as pieces of burning wreckage began to fall to the quarry rocks below.

The fate of the other driver was less of a concern to Kirk then his own plight. He was quickly losing altitude and his controls were sluggish to respond to his increasingly frantic attempts to correct his course.

A ledge jutting out of the quarry seemed to be rising up to meet him, but he knew it was just his craft taking a nosedive as the engine cut out. Vaguely he wondered whether his mother would even care when they called to tell her that he was dead.

Then the skimmer hit rock, sparks flew , metal screamed , and glass shattered. Kirk’s body was thrown against the restraints and his head slammed sideways into the windshield as darkness consumed him.

XXXX XXXX

“His system had traces of alcohol, on board...The police believe he was going over 250 kph at the time of the crash...miracle not injured more”

Winona clutched her hands together feeling her eyes burn as she blinked  back tears and tried to focus o what the doctor was saying. “His skull was fractured. He had a concussion. His ribs were fractured and his tibia, overall it’s amazing a lot more damage wasn’t done.” The conversation trailed off leaving the unspoken words of _its amazing he’s alive._

 Winona forced her voice to calm enough to ask the question she needed to know. “But he’ll be fine right?

“Yes”

She nodded, took a deep breath and said.  “Is he awake?”

The doctor seemed to falter and then hurried on quickly. “Well yes, but it might better if you waited a little before seeing him.”

Once again, the doctor hesitated. As if he was try was trying to figure out how to phrase something. “He’s—the painkillers we have him on make him a little loopy. Plus with the concussion he—“

“I want to see my son.”

“...very well.”

XXXX XXXX

Kirk was currently examining the patterns on the walls of the hospital room in the paediatric ward and musing whether the designers had actually bothered to consider that people other than toddlers might occupy the room, because dancing circus animals was not his idea of decoration.

He looked up as his mother entered the room. The expression on her face was stuck between something close to fear and guilt. Kirk didn’t see that, all he saw was the accusation and disappointment that he had come to expect.

A nurse lingered in the doorway behind his mother before she slipped out shutting the door and leaving them alone. Kirk was left staring up at his mother as she uncertainly stood near the edge of his bed, and then abruptly settled in a chair nearby.

Minutes passed in which they watched each other like animals waiting for a sign of capitulation.  Winona broke the silence; she cleared her throat and asked quietly. “How do you feel?”

“Fine.” He ground the one syllable answer out, refusing to say anymore. In truth, his jaw was still aching as it repaired itself from forced regeneration of bone. His ribs throbbed and his head was swimming with dizziness and a headache. He didn’t tell her any of this because he knew she would then attempt to comfort him, like she did each and every time. It was always like this—after the fact then she would try to make it right—and he was tired of it.

He pulled his knees up and wrapped his arms around his legs, refusing to look at her. He knew she was crying, as he heard her rip a handful of tissues from a box at his bedside and dab her eyes. As she continued sobbing he risked a glance up  and squirmed guiltily, but the sight of her tears did nothing to soften the anger he felt. He didn’t want her at his beside. He didn’t want her to talk to him like she actually cared how he felt. He didn’t want her to pretend just for this time that she cared, when she would go back to the way she was in a few days.

He didn’t want to feel like he had a mother who actually loved him , when in a few days she wouldn’t be able to stand the sight of him. “Jimmy.” She gasped the words in a broken voice as she stood up and enveloped him in a hug. Her warm hair brushed his cheek and her tears soaked into the shoulder of the hospital gown he was wearing. As she pulled him tight against her chest he could feel her body trembling against his own.

He wanted to relax into the embrace, he wanted to believe the words she was whispering about how she was worried and had been scared, but he couldn’t bring himself to give in.

She pulled back wiping tears away from her eyes with the back of her hands as she said shakily. “You’re so lucky...you could have died.”

“Would you have cared?” The words tumbled out before he could stop himself.

Winona froze, her face drained of all its colour. Save for the quiet beep of monitors the only sound was her ragged breathing. She pulled even further back and stared at him with red-rimmed eyes. It seemed to take her a few moments to recover enough to speak. 

“J-James why would you ask something like that?”

“because it’s true.”

Winona appeared stricken. She smiled weakly and grabbed his hand, like her mere touch would reassure him as much as her the truth of her words. “They gave you to many painkillers, that’s why you’re talking like this.”

“I know exactly what I’m saying” The words may have been a thoughtless comment on his part but now he desperately needed the answer. “Just tell me...would you have cared?”

“James—I—“

Kirk stared her directly in the eyes. “Answer me! Would you have cared?”

“O-of course, why would you even wonder that?”

Kirk didn’t speak, he stared at his mother until she looked away. Abruptly she gave him a one-armed hug and a kiss on the forehead, all without looking at him. She was already turning away as she said. “I’m going to let you get some sleep. I’ll be back to see you in the morning.”

“Whatever.” Kirk turned away, burying his face in a pillow, he refused to watch as she left.

The nurse came back and dimmed the lights before tucking  him in. Instead of going to sleep he laid in the dark thinking. His mother had said _Why would you wonder?_

That wasn’t the question, it was _Why wouldn’t he?_


	3. Chapter 3

They let him out the hospital a day later. Officially except for the bones which were still healing and the after-effects of the concussion he was as supposedly fine. But he wasn’t because after his mother made him breakfast that first morning he was back, she left for a meeting leaving him with Frank. And leaving him wondering just how long he could stand this.

He started school the next few days and his brush with death hadn’t done anything to curb his wildness. If anything he was more reckless than ever. 

Something had changed in his mother too. She was more distant, from the few conversations he overheard; he knew she was being given an assignment that would last at least six months, possibly longer. Kirk was dreading what it would mean for him. And frank was darkly hinting what was in store for him, when his mother wasn’t around.

It wasn’t just the mission that his mother was keeping from him. There were a lot more off-planet comms and late at night conversations  during which he heard his name mentioned frequently.

Finally he managed to  eavesdrop on a comm. It was almost midnight as he crouched on the steps hidden in the shadow of the railings.  His mother’s voice drifted out from the kitchen. “I was thinking a little after the holidays—before the new year and definitely—“ A pause .”I can’t take him with me and if he stays here with Frank he’ll just get into trouble, ever since his brother’s been gone he’s been acting out.”

There was more silence, then his Winona cleared her throat. “Where’s Sam?—Somewhere on the Martian colonies....”

“—No Mari it’s just I haven’t talked with him in a while—“

Kirk ground his teeth and curled his fingers into fists at the statement. He couldn’t understand how she could stand there and blatantly lie.  She had about as little idea of where his brother was as she did—probably less. The only clue they even had as to where he was had been a one minute comm message, but the exact location was untraceable as it had been rerouted through numerous ports.

His mother was talking again.

“It’ll be good for him to get away. You’ve got two kids right—“ A pause, “Three now? Well he can see his cousins and Tarsus is supposed to have a great school system.”

There was another pause and the indistinct sound of somebody else talking over the comm. Then his mother replied. “Yes...Well, I haven’t told him yet, but—“

Kirk had heard enough. His fists were gripped so tightly he had blood on his palms from his fingernails digging in, his breath was catching in his chest. He wanted to destroy something. Winona broke off as he burst into the kitchen.

“I’m not going there!”

His mother quickly said “Mari, I’ll have to talk later.” As she pulled the comm unit from her ear.

Winona frowned. “James you’re supposed to be in bed. Now I want you to go up to your room and—“

“Why so you can make your plans to send me away?” Kirk spotted a padd, that had flight schedules on the counter and that only made him angrier. “I’m not going!”

“This is just temporary! While I’m gone your aunt and uncle on Tarsus were kind enough to agree to take you in and I’ve decided that—“

“I don’t care what you decided! I’m not some dog you can pass off—“

“James that’s not what I mean! Just give it a chance.”

“I’m not going! You’re not getting rid of me like that!”

Winona tried again. “Just—“

“What the hell is going on down here?” Kirk and his mother both fell silent as they turned to find Frank standing in the doorway.

Winona finally spoke, “We’re discussing where Jimmy’s going to stay while I’m away.”

“I’m not going any—“ Kirk immediately yelled glaring at his mother, who was refusing to meet his eyes.

Her voice was pleading. “You have family there and Jimmy, Tarsus is such a nice—“

“Fuck them! Fuck Tarsus! If it’s so fucking nice you go there!” Kirk shouted over her. “I said I’m not going!”

“Jimmy please.” This time she actually looked at him as she said the words. But he refused to acknowledge the begging in her voice or the tears beginning to gather in the corner of her eyes. _What did she have to be sad about?_ She wasn’t the one who was being pawned off on some long-lost relatives light-years away, who probably didn’t give a crap about him.

He started to say as much, when Frank cut him off. Kirk turned back towards his step father, glaring at the man with all the venom he could manage. Frank ignored his stare in favour of saying. “It’s fine Win. If James would rather stay here while you’re gone, we’ll work something out. I’ll be more than happy to keep an eye on him.”

Kirk shivered, he didn’t miss the slight smirk at the end of Frank’s words.  Sure, his stepfather would be happy to keep an eye on him and he was sure the man wouldn’t stop there. His stepfather’s hands and fists would be on him as soon as his mother was half-way down the road. It would be just the two of them, no Winona to come home to early and interrupt Frank’s fun....no Sam around either. Just him and his stepfather.

Kirk felt sick.

Winona looked unsure, he could see her hesitating, glancing back and forth between her son and her husband. She knew they didn’t get along, but if he really didn’t want to go...maybe this would be the easier option for her.

Kirk really didn’t want to stay at home with Frank, especially as the full implications of what that would mean were made clear by the look in his stepfather’s eyes.  But he didn’t want to go to Tarsus IV either. Either way he was screwed.

Frank continued. “Ever since Sam left he’s been acting out, starting with driving the car into the quarry...” Winona visibly flinched at the reminder and he saw her glance at him. Her eyes said it all. She wasn’t afraid for him. She was afraid for herself, she was afraid to look him in the face, to accept him. She didn’t want to accept the mess he was as her own.

Frank wasn’t done. “He’s starting fights, insulting teachers, he’s defiant, wilful, disrespectful. In six months I’ll have him shaped up, something you can be proud of , not a little punk—“

Kirk had heard enough. “You God-damn mother-fucker! You don’t know what I am.” Kirk grabbed the data Padd still lying on the counter and threw it to the ground causing plastic to scatter at his stepfather’s feet. “You were about to sell Dad’s car. You’re a lying piece of shit, better it be in a quarry then you get the money from it!”  Kirk glanced at his mother then back to Frank, normally he wouldn’t have dared to say anything about the other stuff Frank had done to him but he was beyond angry now. It didn’t matter if his mother would be shocked or horrified or just as likely not believe him.  “Why don’t I tell what else you—“ Before he could finish Frank lunged at him.

The man grabbed the front of his shirt dragging Kirk up so his toes were skimming the ground and he slammed him up against a counter. “You listen to me you little shit. I am the adult around here. You are the child. Your mother may tolerate your crap but I will not!”

Kirk grabbed his stepfather’s hands trying to loosen the grip, instead Frank slammed him harder against the counter, intentionally hitting his head against the surface also.  Spit flew into Kirk’s face as Frank yelled. “What I did or did not do is none of your business. You will do as you’re told without a fucking question! Do I make myself clear?”

He obviously though he had made some sort of impression with his show of force and was expecting a “yes, sir “ or something along those lines.

Instead Kirk took the pause as an opportunity to suck up all the saliva he had in his mouth and spit it in his stepfather’s face. He had a moment to savour the shock in Frank’s eyes as lines of spit dripped down his skin. Then one of his stepfather’s hands reached up grabbing his neck and choking him, while the other flashed out slapping him hard enough that he bit his tongue and felt his vision dim.

Frank released him, and Kirk quickly scooted back as his stepfather roared. “You fucker, I’m going to kill you and—“ Kirk’s vision came back to find his mother holding back a yelling Frank.

Kirk smirked at him even though his jaw was aching , spat a mouthful of bloody saliva at Frank’s feet and launched himself at his stepfather.  All the while his mother was screaming at them both to stop. The situation ended an hour later with a one-way ticket to Tarsus being booked and Frank yelling at him to “get your ass packed.”

Kirk scrambled away, pinching his nose which was trickling blood and ran upstairs to his room, slamming the door behind himself. He collapsed on his bed, wanting to cry, but that wouldn’t solve anything. The tears came anyway, as he began to make plans of his own. He may have been going to Tarsus but that didn’t mean he had to stay there.

XXXX XXXX

**February 2245**

Kirk stiffened as his mother hugged him. He felt her arms around him , and smelled her perfume, but he didn’t move. When she straightened up and tried to kiss him he pulled away. “Be good Jimmy, your aunt and uncle will take care of you, it’ll be fine.”

He didn’t speak and instead glared at her. He tugged his bag higher on his shoulder and was about to turn away when she grasped one of his arms halting him. Her eyes sought his. “Jimmy, dear don’t be mad this is best for all involved.”

“For you, you mean.”

Winona, flinched slightly as he said the words.. Then gave a thin faltering smile that didn’t quite come across as real. “No for you too. Going to Tarsus is a great opportunity.”

“For what? For you to get rid of me like you want right?”

Winona turned pink and glanced away at the other people saying goodbye to their loved ones. Then turned back to her son who was staring at her with eyes filled with hatred. “ Jimmy, you know I’ll be gone for a while and you and Frank never get along—“

“Maybe because that bastard—“

Winona placed a finger over his lips and continued. “Not today Jimmy, I know you don’t like Frank, but even if that wasn’t the case ... you get into too much trouble—and I don’t want anything to happen to you so—“

“You can stop. I don’t believe you. You’d be happier If I was dead , you just want me gone.” He turned away ignoring the hurt look on his mother’s face or her calling his name.  Passengers were lining up to board the shuttle  and Kirk found himself wedged between two strange looking humans with skin that looked too pale and translucent for Earth norm.  He glanced back to see his mother still staring after him and then he looked at the exits. He didn’t want to go on the shuttle and leave for some stupid colony called Tarsus IV. He didn’t want to spend over a year there away from his friends and with what sounded like dumb-ass cousins, but he knew that if he tried to bolt his mother would eventually find him and make him go anyway.

And she had already made it clear, that no matter what she was sending him to Tarsus IV and if she wanted him gone then who was he too force himself on her when she didn’t want him.

 If she wanted him gone then he was gone.

 However he had no intention of staying on Tarsus , as soon as he could he was leaving but not to come back to Earth. He planned on going and finding his  brother Sam, and if that failed then after all he was eleven , almost twelve and if his brother could survive by himself than so could he.

Kirk  glanced back again as he walked into the shuttle. His mother was still standing there staring at him blankly. Kirk wondered briefly whether his words had even registered with her and then he shrugged it off. Did it really matter? He knew she cared very little for him , she frequently left and even when she was home he was a nuisance. He turned around and continued forward. His fingerprints were briefly scanned as the officials checked to verify his identity, before he boarded. The shuttle was almost full. Numerous people humans and aliens filled the seats. Kirk knew the shuttle would be stopping at other places after Tarsus. He wondered could he hack into the system and change his pass so it would be for a longer journey. He definitely didn’t plan on staying at Tarsus.

He stared around the shuttle as he winded his way down the aisle. There were so many species of aliens that he had never seen before. He listened interestedly as a Andorian woman scolded her child who was trying to stand on his seat so he could see out the window.  The boy overbalanced and toppled over, bumping his knee on a chair. He let out a howl of pain and Kirk watched as the woman scooped  him up in her arms and comforted the crying child.

Kirk turned his head away, as a flash of anger streaked through him. He continued down the aisle and kicked the back of the seats as he passed and thought of his own mother. Several people glanced at him at him as he walked by but he had already passed.  He settled in an empty row near the window and stared out ignoring everybody else. He was interrupted from watching the last passengers hurrying towards the shuttle by “Could you move your bag please?”

A young man was standing over him, pointing a Kirk’s bag which he had deliberately placed in the other seat to prevent anybody from occupying it.

“Why don’t you sit somewhere else?” Kirk scowled.

Instead of being angry the young man gave an easy grin and said ”I would since you look like you don’t want to be bothered, but the other seats are all occupied and I assigned this one.”

With a quick glance around the shuttle Kirk saw the man was telling the truth and glared at him before grudgingly taking his bag and setting it on the floor. He ignored the man’s thanks and turned back towards the window. After a few more minutes of restlessly watching the people boarding the shuttle he grew bored and turned his head slightly  to observe the man sitting next to him. He had dark brown hair that flopped forward into his eyes, a face that was clean shaven and probably due to the lack of facial hair rather than choice. His voice hadn’t quite changed completely and he was tall and gangly. Kirk guessed his age around eighteen to twenty standard years, closer to a teen then an adult in any case.

Curiously he leaned over the young man’s shoulder analysing a diagram he was reading. After a few moments of watching the images , Kirk said. “ That’s the cellular wall of an Andorian Asmat Lilly, right?”

The man glanced up in surprise. “Yes—Yes it is. How did you know that?”

Kirk shrugged and scowled. “I’m not stupid.”

A light blush graced the man’s face and he stammered. “I-I didn’t mean it like that but you can’t be more than 13 or so right? Most kids aren’t that advanced. “

“I’m not most kids.”

“I can see that.” Before Kirk could wonder whether he was being insulted, the man continued. “So why are you going to Tarsus?”

“My mom sent me there, I’m too much trouble.” Kirk spat the words bitterly.

“Oh—well it’s not so bad from what I heard. I’m going for an internship at the university in the botany department . I’d liked to be a Xenobotanist one day.”

“Kirk couldn’t hep grinning as the thought occurred to him. “You mean you want to play with flowers.”

A deep red flush spread to the young man’s cheeks. “That-It’s—that’s not what—“

“Whatever, play with flowers, I don’t care. It’s a free galaxy...flower boy.” Kirk grinned as he intentionally needled the man.

Apparently Kirk’s attempts at being an ass weren’t working as well as usual. The younger man gave a half laugh and the sighed. “You sound a bit like my folks. Always teasing me about being out in the greenhouse and splicing stuff, that’s okay I’m used to it.” He paused then asked. “So what’s your name?”

Kirk didn’t answer, he just stared at him hostilely, then asked. “Why do you want to know?” He could tell the man was just being friendly, but after being packed away on a shuttle against his will he wasn’t feeling in a friendly mood.

“Because we’re going to be sitting next to each other for quite some time and I’d like to know who the kid with the chip on his shoulder’s name is.” Kirk’s scowl deepened, but the young man didn’t appear perturbed. He merely continued. “My name’s Thomas Leighton.”

Kirk thought about not answering but there was something about Leighton that was to honest and friendly for him to snub. He begrudgingly replied. “J.T.”

“J.T. what?”

“Just J.T.” Kirk answered somewhat aggressively.

“Okay, just J.T.” Leighton appeared amused.

Against his will Kirk felt his lips quirk into the hint of a smile before it was just as quickly wiped away as Leighton asked. “What happened to your face?”

The bruises from Frank were still there. A few people back at Riverside had mentioned them once or twice, but people knew he was Kirk…the rebel, the fighter, the trouble maker. Plus, with his mother being who she was and Frank having connections with the police…people tended to leave questions at just that. Leighton’s question brought that all back up though. Kirk had managed to almost forget and now…

He forced a smile to his face, he knew it was a twisted facsimile of the real thing but he didn’t care. “It beat the crap out of some guys' fists.” Leighton’s eyes widened and Kirk used that as an opportunity to turn away from him in favour of staring out the window.

He had been  on shuttles in the past but this was the first he had taken completely by himself for any distance. The last shuttle ride had been with Sam on one of their “camping” trips which their mom . With Sam it had been easy to pretend that the flutters in his stomach were excitement and not fear. But ever since he had seen part of a movie when he was younger about the Kelvin, shuttle rides no longer held the adventurous tone that they once had instead he couldn’t help remembering the last few scenes of the movie.

He wasn’t sure why it bothered him but the thought of being sucked into the cold airless vacuum of space scared him more than the thought of dying.

Leighton noticed how Kirk’s face had turned the colour of old milk as the shuttle took off. “Hey, you okay?”

“I’m fine.” Kirk closed his eyes and twisted back toward the window with his face pressed against the glass. It was better because he couldn’t see the moment when the ship broke atmosphere but it didn’t stop the slight weightless sensation that briefly took over his body as artificial gravity compensated.

“You don’t look fine—You look like you’re about to puke.”

“I’m fine—!” the words would have had more emphasis if he didn’t stop midsentence and swallow convulsively.

“You know the shuttles are perfectly safe right?”

Kirk didn’t trust himself  to speak. Overhead the pilot was announcing the shuttle had cleared the atmosphere and warp would be initiated. Leighton kept up a steady commentary and by the time they had been fifteen minutes in-flight Kirk’s colour had returned to normal. Leighton glanced at him sideways. “see that wasn’t so bad was it?”  He continued. “I used to be scared of—“

“You can shut the fuck up, I’m not scared.” Kirk snapped glaring at the young man sitting next to him. Leighton looked doubtful and even though it was a lie it was somehow important that the young man believed him. “I was born in space, why would I be scared of space?” His voice trembled on the last part and it came out sounding more like he was trying to reassure himself than the angry retort he wanted it to be.

Leighton opened his mouth like he was going to say something but then closed it and looked at Kirk thoughtfully.  Kirk squirmed uncomfortably in his seat and then turned away from Leighton’s examining gaze and looked back out the window.

Earth was somewhere far behind them and stars were streaking by das Tarsus grew closer with each passing moment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know Kirk seems quite inappropriate and angry in this fic and he's only 11. But this is how I see Kirk after his brother left. He's come out of his shell because he's been forced to. His brother used to take the heat from Frank and protect him from there mother's worst moments, now he has to do all this himself. He feels abandoned, lost, angry, scared and he's lashing out the only way he knows how. Please bear with me, it gets worse before it gets better...and then after that...well we know Tarsus was even worse then what Kirk is experiencing now. Thanks to all who read, kudoe'd and commented.


	4. Chapter 4

The air of Tarsus IV was hot and dry. The faint odour of line fuel and fresh grain hung in the air as the shuttle door slid open.

“See you around J.T.” Kirk finally relented from his trip long silence and nodded toward Leighton. “Yeah see you.” He watched as the man sloped off toward a waiting transport shuttle and then grabbed his own bag slinging it over  his shoulder before stepping iout the shuttle onto dusty tarmac.

Aliens and humans milled around the shuttle port, and the whine of engines sounded overhead as vessels arrived and departed. Kirk glanced at his travel credit for the fifteenth time and seethed at the one way designation in the top corner. His mother had obviously known that otherwise he was hoping a transport an would barely have time to breathe the air on Tarsus before he was gone again.  What she had failed to account for was ingenuity. Winona had taught her boys well.

Five minutes later he had stolen another travel credit from a unsuspecting man who had given him directions.  Kirk quickly scanned the Holo boards and found a relatively cheap vessel that would take him at least a few solar systems from this place, and that was good enough for him. Jupiter station wasn’t close enough to the Martian colonies where his brother probably was that in a few days he could probably get there. He waited impatiently until it was his turn. The man selling passes barely paid him a glance as he registered him, the scanner however was another matter. Kirk saw the scanner flash green as it registered his ident card and had already started to turn away when the man tapped him on the shoulder.

“You’re banned from flying.”

“What?” Kirk glared at the man. “Scan my finger again. I can’t be banned I just got off a flight.”

“Sorry kid, it says right here. James T. Kirk requires parental authorization for departure flight and it’s revoked. “ The man twisted the Holo screen around and tapped a finger on a picture of Winona which had popped up along with the alert. “I’m guessing that’s your mom who put the hold on you, huh? Looks like you’re staying here.”

Kirk swore harshly.

The man chuckled causing Kirk to glare at him venomously. “What were you trying to runaway or something?”

“Fuck you” Kirk slipped away from the man’s grip and weighted his options while watching the vessels preparing for flight. If he couldn’t hop a ride legally then....

“yeah, yeah. He’s over there.”

A quick glanced behind him showed that the travel register was pointing him out to a heavyset man with a dark beard. Kirk’s scowl deepened and before he could decide whether to bolt or not the man had walked over to him.

“You’ve grown” The man gave a smile. “I’m your uncle David.” He put out a hand which Kirk pointedly ignored. 

He vaguely recognised the man from a picture in one of the Holo albums he used to look in when he was little but rather than give the man a break Kirk said.  “I don’t know who the hell you are.”

“Yeah, you probably don’t remember , it was a long time ago, but I came to visit when you were just a little tyke James.”

“It’s J.T.” Kirk snarled with as much venom as he could muster.

To his chagrin his uncle’s smile only faltered slightly. “Well J.T. I heard you’re already trying to get away from us. Tarsus isn’t that bad of a planet once you get to know and I like to think I’m a somewhat nice guy too.”

“I don’t know you and I hate this shitty place.”

This time his uncle, David, did frown “We don’t talk like that around here. Your aunt Mari won’t like it.”

“Well, she can get the fuck over it” Kirk said intentionally swearing more just to see what his uncle would do. “She’s not the one who got packed up like a god damn dog sent to the fucking pound.”

His uncle’s lips tightened and Kirk unconsciously braced himself anticipating one of the stinging blows that he had come to expect from Frank. Instead, David seemed to ignore the comment. “ I talked to your mom. This place isn’t so bad and she thinks it would be good for you.”

“Then she can come here.”

His uncle stared at him for a moment and then abruptly cleared his throat. “It’s getting late let’s get you home.” He reached down to grab Kirk’s bag and before he could touch it his nephew snatched it up. “Don’t touch my stuff.” Kirk stalked off, feelings his uncle’s eyes staring at him from behind.

The walk to the waiting air skimmer was silent but Kirk was once again running through his options. He hesitated as the door opened, but as it was he couldn’t board a shuttle anytime soon. He could try to board a shuttle illegally but civilian shuttles had few places to hide in and any trader vessel who found a stowaway aboard was a tossup as to what they would do. Inside Federation space he might be turned over to a starbase, outside...it was fifty-fifty. Many aliens would pay well for a human slave especially a young one. Reluctantly Kirk made his decision, at least  if he went with his uncle there was the chance that he could steal some credits and buy a travel pass from some registrar that was willing to be bribed and didn’t care about shit like ident cards and parental restrictions.

Kirk settled into the passenger seat and stared out the window. David kept up a steady stream of conversation about his aunt and cousins and how he would like Tarsus. Kirk wanted to ignore the man’s comments it sounded almost too good to be true, and he had come to find out that in that case it usually was.

The buildings grew sparser the farther east they travelled until the skimmer was gliding past what had to be acres and acres of crops, in all sorts of colour ranging from the expected green, to exotic purples and blues.  Ag domes and traditional houses were scattered around the land.  Solar panels and wind turbines dotted the landscape while a hover harvester skimmed over crops, it looked like a cross between a late 21st century farming operation and something he had saw back on earth in 23rd century Iowa. Either way it was another hick town and Kirk had had enough of that in Iowa to last him a lifetime.

More than half the settlers on Tarsus had moved there for self-sufficiency and an easier way of life away from technology. And the other part came from a variety of different planets to run experiments in the unique mesh of environments altered by the planets varied habits and to attend the prestigious research stations and university that had somehow sprung up in the wake of innovation. Kirk had read all this in the Tarsus pamphlet his mother had dropped on his bed a week before he left. He had done some research on the planet by himself and knew everything from the number of alien races currently living there (fourty-two) to the mysterious man who was planning on running for political office next solar cycle (Kodos).

Tarsus was still a crappy place in his opinion and he was determined not be persuaded otherwise.

His uncle set the air skimmer down and the doors slide open. David gestured at the wide expanse of bluish gray plants spread before them  to a small farm house and barn structures in the distances. “Here we are home.”

“Whatever.” Kirk shifted his bag higher up on his shoulder and got out of the skimmer taking care to slam the door behind him.

The dusty air outside of the shuttle gave no indication of the lush environment that the planet could support. Rows and rows of crops flowed down into a valley that was bathed in a tumultuous sea of red, greens, yellows and purples from what Kirk could only guess was some sort of vegetation. In the distance mountains rose up  like centuries old guards looming over everything. It was like the garden of Eden...If Kirk actually believed the crap his mother had tried to read him from some book called the Bible.

“Nice huh” His uncle came behind him and clapped a hand on his shoulder that Kirk quickly shrugged off.

“ So , what is this place, some god damn farming planet? Cause I got enough of that back in Iowa.” He turned to face his uncle and instead of answering his question the smile on David’s face disappeared and his eyes suddenly looked more serious.

He shoved his hands in his pockets and cleared his throat. “Your mom told me about what happened in Iowa.”

“Yeah and what was that?”

“I know you’ve been suspended from school, I heard about the fights and how you got in a crash with an air skimmer....Win told me it all so I want—“

Kirk couldn’t help it his teeth were set on edge at his uncle’s words. He could just imagine his mother tearfully laying out the story like only she could tell it, one son off planet with friends and her youngest causing untold amounts of trouble while she was the poor victim in it all.

The thought made his blood boil. He didn’t mean to blurt it out but the picture of her crying as she spouted the lies that only in her deluded mind were the truth kept racing through his head. He blurted the words out in a fit of anger more than anything “Did she tell you about Frank?”

‘What?” A confused look crossed his uncle’s face for a moment before recognition dawned. “You mean your step dad? “

Kirk already knew that it had been a mistake. He wasn’t telling this man anything—Anything he said they wouldn’t believe anyway...after all that’s what everyone thought that he was just a liar.  Let him think he knew everything. He’d be thinking that  until the day he woke up to find credits missing, his air skimmer stolen and his nephew long gone.

“Nothing.” He was already turning away.

“what about him?” His uncle tried to turn him around and catch his eye.

Kirk slipped out from under the reaching grasp and caught David’s hand in his own. He met the man’s gaze as he snarled “I said it was nothing.” Then he pushed past him and stalked towards the farmhouse.

He was had barely made it to the steps when the door swung open and a woman wearing and old fashioned dress an long braid stepped out followed by three children. They were all red heads and the women was smiling brightly and pregnant. He was unprepared for her reaction to seeing him and could only stand stiffly as she hugged him tightly before pulling him back and staring into his eyes.

Kirk wasn’t sure how he felt about the hug, part of him liked it but part of him hated the contact. It felt wrong for some stranger to hold him like that when his mother most of the time would barely touch him. His eyes  felt hot and he cleared his throat abruptly trying to push back the sad feeling he suddenly had.

“You must be James?”

It’s J.T. ” Kirk automatically corrected but even the gruff way he said it didn’t damper her enthusiasm.

“Well J.T. I’m your aunt Mari—technically a cousin I think ...” She paused thoughtfully but then continued. “Whatever, point is we’re family—“ She nodded at a boy standing near her with his eyes slightly narrowed toward Kirk like he was sizing him up. Kirk stared back not giving ground, if the boy wanted a fight Kirk planned to give him a war. “This is Roger he’s fourteen that’s only a few years older than you!”

She frowned and elbowed her son as she noticed the staring match and, his cousin grudgingly said. “Hi.” It was obvious his heart wasn’t in it. Kirk didn’t bother to say anything back.

Mari, his aunt was apparently satisfied with the exchange because she had moved onto the next child, this  time a girl who was deep into reading something on her Padd and only bothered to glance up when her mother snatched the Padd from her hands.

“Hey, mom!” The girl started to say until she apparently noticed Kirk.  “Hi” She gave him a bright smile which Kirk returned. She was kind of cute even if she was his cousin.

Mari continued. “Lucy is our little scholar— nine years going on ninety.” She reached out and grabbed a small boy who was about to go racing down the path and added. “And this little rascal is Mark, resident daredevil and misbehaved four-year old.”

Mark stopped what he was about to do and stared at Kirk for a moment with his thumb tucked in his mouth before mumbling something that could have been “hi”.

“And you already met me.” His uncles voice added from behind him. Kirk turned around to find him walking up the path.  He neared the group leaned forward giving his wife a kiss on the cheek while he rested one hand on her belly. Then he tousled Mark’s hair and pulled on Lucy’s pigtails eliciting an indignant “Dad!”

Mark begged to be picked up and soon the four year old was sitting on his dad’s shoulders and Roger and Lucy chatted animatedly with their father about something...Kirk wasn’t really paying attention to the words. Something was buzzing in his ears, his teeth were grinding and the burning sensation to his eyes had only gotten worse.

They were happy, too happy like everything was perfect. He felt like a freak in a sea of normalcy, an intruder to their picture perfect existence...and he hated them for it.

He didn’t know how long he could take standing their watching them. Perhaps his aunt noticed the murderous look on his face or maybe it was actually time to eat. But either was she said. “Okay let’s talk inside; lunch is in a few minutes.”

Kirk followed the group into the house ignoring his aunts attempts to engage him in conversation in favour of another staring match with his oldest cousin.  He could read the message in Roger’s eyes: _You’re nothing but a scruffy stranger on my home turf--_  And while his parents may not have picked up on it Kirk could tell Roger knew that he was going to make their entire family’s life a living hell if he had the chance and the older boy wasn’t planning on giving him that chance. Bring it on, Kirk relished the challenge.

“You have any questions?” His aunt said, after finishing explaining where he would be sleeping and could get unpacked.

Kirk glanced at Lucy who was apparently oblivious to her brother moving in front of her to put her as far from Kirk as possible. He smirked at Roger and then gave Lucy a suggestive once-over which she was totally unaware of as her nose was stuck once again in her regained Padd. “I do...Just how close of cousins are we?”

Mari seemed a little startled by the question but then launched into a tangle of genealogy and history that Kirk hardly care about. Instead he gave Roger a wicked grin as the boy blushed a deep red and tightened his jaw. His hands were balled into fists but Kirk knew he wouldn’t dare do anything with his parents around.

Mari finished her short speech just as her oldest had temporarily ran out of mouthed threats. His seemingly perpetually happy  aunt was smiling once again. “Any other questions dear?”

Kirk turned to give his aunt his full attention and let his grin widen. His expression didn’t change one bit as he said his next words. “Did anyone ever tell you , you’re really fucking hot for a pregnant lady?”

He hitched his bag higher on his shoulder and walked away, the speechless silence and shocked faces behind him was the best thing that had happened to him all day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again, Kirk is being as one commenter said "a twit" . However, yeah at this point it's in character for the Kirk I've set up. He gets better, but his comments and everything he's doing are part attention seeking part lashing out. He literally wants someone to call him out and sit down and question him. Cries for help come in all shapes and forms.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're getting to the bottom of things here.

****

Surprisingly other than admonishing him for his language and giving him a lecture on respect (which he had insolently ignored both his uncle and aunt through)  they hadn’t reacted to his intentionally rude comments. Kirk was surprised that his efforts to deliberately provoke them hadn’t worked. Either his aunt and uncle had the patient of saints or were holding back because of his mother. Kirk was sure it wasn’t the former; he didn’t trust adults. He wanted to get it over with and find out what type of people that his aunt and uncle were. The casual put-downs and inattention of his mother or the outright beatings and worse from Frank.

 And as for his mother caring...Kirk kind of wanted to tell them that she didn’t really give a damn who slapped him around as long as she wasn’t around to see it.

It was night now and Kirk was lying in bed in the room he, Mark, and Roger shared and mentally plotting his escape.

“So what did  you do to get sent here?”

Kirk turned to find his older cousin staring at him from across the space between their beds.  Kirk didn’t bother to answer.

“Well” Roger sat up straighter leaning forward, his eyes slightly narrowed.

“What do you think I did?”  Kirk let the challenge show in his voice. He wasn’t afraid of his cousin and welcomed a chance for a fight, after all he was pretty sure who would turn out the victor.

“You tried to....” Roger answered with a list of startling true facts then finished with “So your mom decided to get rid of you here while she went on a mission off planet.”

Kirk didn’t speak. He hadn’t missed the way his cousin has phrased his statement _get rid of you._ Kirk’s blood was boiling and his hands tightened into fist, instead of outwardly reacting he ground his teeth. He was itching to lay into the other boy, the calm way he spoke was too much like gloating and Kirk wanted to wipe that smug  look off Roger’s face. Instead all he could come up with saying was “My mom did not _get rid_  of me.” It sounded weak even to his own ears and Roger obviously picked up on lie.

“Really? I overheard my mom talking and your mom was practically begging to send you here and she couldn’t wait to get rid of you—“

It was taking all his self restraint to not attack Roger right now and that was part of the reason he turned away, but the other was because his eyes were stinging. “My—my mom is really busy...she has a lot of important stuff to do ...that’s why she’s gone—not—not because of me...” He couldn’t help his voice breaking at those last few words and swiped at the moisture he felt on his cheeks .

“Yeah, whatever and your dad died in some accident and—“

He gritted his teeth so hard his jaw ached and turned back to Roger. “My dad was a hero, not a fucking research famer like your parents. My dad saved hundreds of people.” He saw Roger tense and got a perverse sense of pleasure as he imagined the fight that would ensue, but Roger just watched him curiously for a moment. When his cousin opened his mouth to say something else Kirk decided he had had enough.

His first blow caught his Roger off guard and if he hadn’t been so enraged it would probably have landed correctly as it was the fist glanced off. Kirk tried to follow through with an upper cut but found his wrists gripped. There was a moment of grappling before Roger got the upper hand. Kirk tried to fight him off but the older boy pinned him down, holding his arms to prevent Kirk from hitting him.

“Get—the fuck—off me.”

“Will you calm down?”

In answer Kirk tried to spit in his cousin’s face , when Roger jerked back, Kirk  used the distraction to rip one of his arms free. Roger quickly scrambled off him and backed a few steps away.

Kirk sat up panting. He wanted to kill his cousin, or at least hurt him bad enough that the other boy wouldn’t dare speak to him. His hand was itching to pull out the knife he had in his pyjama pocket. He wanted the other boy to be scared, to be hurt as bad as he had. Sure he  himself would probably get sent to some juvy rehab place if he did what he was thinking about. But it could hardly be worse than going back to Iowa with Frank or being forced to stay here longer.

Before he could follow through. Roger blurted out like he had figured out something that put the whole thing into perspective.  “Wait was your dad actually _that_  George Kirk? “

“Yeah.”

“I heard mom say something about that but I just thought we were related to him somehow.” Roger shifted and then abruptly added after a few seconds.  That guy who saved all those people...He died the day you were born right, went down with the ship so everyone else could get away?”

Kirk blurted out the words before he could stop himself. His cousin’s words were like accusations to him . “He didn’t die for me.”

“I, didn’t say he did.”

Kirk had seen the same Holo’s since the earliest day he could remember. Some of them were worse than the others...but those were the ones everyone seemed to like the most. One of Holo had won several Terran international awards and an interplanetary film award. It was called _Thirty Seconds_ supposedly the length of time his father had to say goodbye to his wife and tell  her that he was sacrificing himself for her and their child.

That was the common belief that George Kirk had died to save not only hundreds of other people but first and foremost his own son. Kirk didn’t know what to believe, his mother had told him so many times the same thing, and all that did was increase his own guilt.

If his dad hadn’t died because of him, then maybe his mom wouldn’t have hated him, Sam would have a father instead of Frank, his brother wouldn’t have left him...so many things wouldn’t have happened.

Roger’s face was half hidden in the dark of the room but Kirk could see the pitying expression on his face. “I’m sorry what I said earlier about your mom and everything.” His cousin ran a hand across his hair uncomfortably like he was trying to figure out something else to say.

Kirk didn’t speak except to say again. “He didn’t die for me.” The words were whispered and Kirk’s mouth trembled with held back tears. It was too much, Roger stared at him across the room obviously trying to figure out what else to say.

A tear…just one escaped and rolled down Kirk’s cheek. His eyes stinged. Roger started again “I’m sorry, I—“

“I’m not fucking crying and don’t fucking apologise or I’ll kill you.” There was silence then and slowly his cousin climbed in his bed. There was a rustle of blankets and his older cousin turned over and soon the only sound was quiet breathing as the other room’s occupant fell asleep.  Kirk was left awake, arms wrapped around his knees, and the blade of the knife cutting into one of his palms. He was easier then to believe the silent tears dripping down his face were from sharp metal slicing into his skin.

XXXX XXXX

“Explain to me why we’re doing this when this colony has the equipment to synthesize protein.” Kirk added “It’s fucking stupid.” He swatted a hen causing her to squawk in protest as he snatched an egg and stuffed it into the stasis container he was carrying.

Kirk had quickly learned that it was most definitely a working farm. Apparently it was also more backwards than Iowa in some ways. His uncle may  have been trying to run the farm at a level that’s a few centuries back as part of some stupid research project but Kirk called it child labour.

A few days since his arrival and Tarsus was everything and nothing of what he had thought it would be. The colony had some of the most advanced technology but it also was a haven for old earthers and scientists who were interested in what life had been like back on earth pre-warp.

None of the mattered though,  in few more weeks he’d  be halfway to the Martian colonies.  He was growing tired of Mark tagging after him every chance he got , Roger clearly itching to start a fight but never actually starting it and Lucy piping up every few minutes with some bizarre factoid that nobody really cared or wanted to know.

True to form, Lucy answered his purely rhetorically question with a short lecture on the history of Tarsus as a colony and then moved to the variety of agricultural techniques used on the planet and how they represented different eras in farming technology. Kirk just had one question for her. “And tell me why your parents decided to be the ones who are  stuck back a few centuries ago.”

She started to answer the question too, and Kirk just shook his head , he’d found once she started she didn’t stop.

“We’re a part of a farming initiative, that’s studying how production and efficiency have changed over the years.”

“Ah, so that’s why we’re all acting like dumb hicks when there’s machinery around?”

Lucy frowned and opened her mouth clearly about to answer when Roger rounded the corner and gave Kirk a glare. “He’s just being an asshole Luce.” Rogers added turning back to Kirk. “Shut up and stop complaining.”

“Make me.”

Roger was itching to do so. His entire body language indicated as much. But he appeared to restrain himself with great difficulty and went back to working in silence. 

Mark who was perched on  a pile of straw soon broke the silence. “What was Earth like J.T.?”

“A lot better than this place.”

“Why?”

Kirk sighed his youngest cousin could be really annoying, not only did he apparently consider Kirk the definitive answer on a lot of stuff but he had a dogged four-years need to have a question answered at all costs.

“Well first of all there was more stuff to do and second I wasn’t stuck in the backwoods shitty part of the whole fucking galaxy.” He scowled and kicked at a clump of bedding earning a glare from Roger.

The older boy turned to his younger brother. “Mark leave him alone and get over here.” Mark dutifully left his perch and walked over carrying his ragged stuffed rabbit he had to take everywhere. Roger was clearly trying to keep Mark away from what he saw as bad influences but he was fighting a losing battle.

Even though Mark had reluctantly trailed away Kirk knew he would be back soon. Kirk kicked another lump of dirty straw and this time earned barely a half-glance from Roger. So instead he did  something else he knew would piss them off.

Lucy was scrubbing away at a nest box a few feet away, Kirk moved to join her and bent down like he was going to help. Abruptly he said. “Hold still Luce, you’ve got a spider on your neck.”

She glanced at him slightly mistrustful but he gave her a reassuring smile and ultimately her fear of spiders won out. “Get it off.”

“Sure” He made like he was brushing the imaginary bug off her neck and intentionally let his hands linger longer than was necessary.  Roger noticed that and Kirk smirked at the look on his face. His cousin hated him being around his younger brother and sister, especially Lucy. Kirk for his part was using any chance he had to piss Roger off.

They finished up and Roger caught up with Lucy and Mark had left. Kirk had been expecting it . “What the hell is your problem?”

That’s was all the warning he got before hands slammed him against the barn wall.  “She’s your family we all are. Do you  try to make everybody to hate you? I’m trying to leave you alone because you obviously have a problem. “

Kirk shook off Roger’s hands. “Fuck you.” He started to walk away only to have the other boy try to grab him.  Kirk caught his arm before he could do it and flipped him. Roger landed in the dirt swearing.

Kirk took step back at the other smiling as the other boy regained his feet. “Come on, try to hit me. I dare you.” He spread out his arms palms open. “Try.” He knew he was smiling somewhat manically, but he was spoiling for a fight. He wanted to hurt and be hurt, anything but this fakeness that he was forced to endure every day.

He thought Roger was about to accept his challenge, but then the boy shook his head. “There’s something seriously wrong with you. You’re sick .”  He started to walk away but not before he added. “No wonder nobody wants you around.”

Kirk didn’t even go after him like he had planned. Instead he watched his cousin walk away the last words ringing in his ears. They were like a slap in the face with the truth he hadn’t wanted to acknowledge. Maybe Sam, his mother, his father, maybe everybody was right in leaving him behind.

XXXX XXXX

He hated Tarsus more and more. The days at his uncle’s farm had a monotony to them that made him want to rip his hair out and a sadness at the reminder of what he would never have as he watched his cousins and their parents.

It was like torture just to sit through each and every day and a reminder that he couldn’t stand of just how screwed up his life and he was. He was just bidding his time until he could get away. It would take a while, but he was certain that in a week or maybe a month he could hack into his aunt and uncle’s account an steal enough to buy a ticket off planet (parental restrictions be damned).

But in the meantime he was stuck in hell.

Surprisingly his attempts to anger his aunt and uncle had only lead to stern talks or in minor cases ignoring the offending behaviour. But he was sure their patience was wearing then and a screwed up part of him relished that.

He wanted to hate them and their perfect family and lives. It made it all easier if they hated him to.

Roger already did. His cousin had to be on strict orders to leave him or maybe his parents weren’t the lax disciplinarians they were playing at with him. Kirk was willing to bet it wasn’t the later because  even a saint would have finally attempted to lay into him after all he was doing.

He slacked at chores, used the worse manners he could, regularly made half-suggestive remarks about Lucy and his aunt and was deliberately as much of an ass as he could be.

Lucy had taken to avoiding him and everyone else and Roger already did. The only member of the house who wasn’t treating him with wearying patience or held back anger was Mark.

Kirk wasn’t sure how he felt about having the little boy as a shadow but a part of him was pleased. It was almost like having a little brother.

XXXX XXXX

School started much the same as back on Earth, except the actually way the school was set up was much different than the schooling system in Riverside Iowa.

Children were grouped based on testing not age. Kirk’s intentional lacklustre test scores were still enough to get him into the same class as Roger along with a few other kids that normally would have been in much lower classes on Earth.

The work was just barely enough to keep him interested but still not up to his level. So he used the opportunity to indulge in some of his favourite pastimes. Fighting , stealing (if he could get away with it) and pretty much doing what he damned well pleased.

(The last part got him in trouble the most)

Three weeks from his arrival on Tarsus he was already seated in the principal’s office for the fifth time. He smiled innocently at the secretary that dropped him off. She wasn’t fooled and pursed her lips before saying. “James, don’t give me that look young man. I know about you.”

He opened his mouth to add the first thing he could think of which would have landed him in even deeper water if she could have heard it but the door was already closing behind him.

He settled back in the hard backed chair and traced a toe across the cracks in the faux wood floor. Suspension, detention, expulsion it would be all the usual threats and then when he got back to his aunt and uncle’s house (he refused to call it home) where he would have to listen to more shit from them that he would just ignore.

He was already thinking about how he could pick the lock to the office door when the door opened again and another student was deposited.

“This is the last time Samantha Gestalt!”

A  girl with curly bright red hair tugged her baseball cap lower on her head and  said. “Whatever”

“Samantha—“

“It’s Sami”

The teacher appeared to think better of what he was about to say , because he opened and shut his mouth with speaking before stalking off.

The girl , Sami, stuck her tongue out behind his retreating back and then settled in a chair next to Kirk. She turned to stare at him curiously. “What are you here for?”

Kirk didn’t bother to answer. Sami leaned closer staring at him intently. She was at least two or three years younger than him.

“Never mind, I know who you are.” She looked him over  a tad dismissively then flopped back in her chair. “I heard about you . You’re  the one who cursed out Mr. Fletcher  last week aren’t you.”

Kirk was a little bit curious despite himself  and found himself wondering just what he she had heard. “Yeah maybe.”

“So what did you do now?” Green eyes peered at him seriously under the rim of her cap.

Her almost scolding tone rubbed him the wrong what. “What did you do? You’re here also” He answered back just a little annoyed.

“I asked first.”

“So”

Sami shrugged. “Whatever, it was probably some dumb crap anyway.”

“Says who?” Kirk was really starting to dislike her.

“Says Jake my brother. He said guys are always doing dumb stuff and I shouldn’t join in” She paused then added. “Jake never gets in trouble. He’s a genius.”

“He’s an idiot.” Kirk snapped back.

Sami turned back to him. “He is not!”

“He’s a god-damned idiot.”

Sami was enraged now. “No  he isn’t he’s a genius. That’s why mom and dad  sent him to a pro-prodi-prodigy program ...and I had to come here while they went to work on some substation.” She scowled on the last line and scuffed her shoe against the floor.

Kirk was pissed off and he could see that her parents leaving her behind was bothering her, so he decided to twist the figurative knife a little more. “They probably just told you that so they would have an excuse to get rid of you.”

He almost regretted the words as she looked up and tears flared in her eyes only to quickly be replaced by anger.

“You’re wrong.”

“No, I’m not. They didn’t give a fuck about you and that’s why you’re here.”

The girl’s face paled with anger and each freckle stood out clearly as she yelled. “You’re a liar. My brother is a genius and—and—and ...” She broke off clearly trying to think of something else to say. Her fists were clenched tightly as she found it. “I heard _your_  mom is in Starfleet. Maybe she sent _you_ here to get rid of you.” She punctuated the accusation by shoving him.

“Who told you that?” Kirk felt like he had been slapped in the face.

Instead of answering she shoved him again,  Kirk hit her back.

A short but fierce battle ensued in which he wound up with a bleeding lip and Sami had a black eye slowly developing.

The noise brought the principal and they were both separated and had to sit through almost half an hour of lecture before they were released to wait for their family to pick them up.

Kirk sucked the blood from his lip and glanced at Sami from the corner of his eyes. She was staring straight ahead and  blinking back tears. Suddenly he regretted what he had said.

He couldn’t help remembering what Roger had said. “ _Do you want everybody to hate you..._ _No wonder nobody wants you around.”_

“Look , Samantha.”

“It’s Sami.” The words came out muffled and Kirk heard her sniffle as she leaned back in her chair and tried to ignore him.

“Whatever” Kirk paused, felling awkward and brushed non-existent dirt of his clothes as he mumbled. “I’m sorry.”

A few minutes passed until he heard her answer. “Okay” He glanced up as she touched the bruise on her face and added. “You hit me...Jake said only dicks hit girls”

Kirk had no intention of apologizing for that and a part of him that he had to surprise with difficulty wanted to remind her that she had hit him too.

He didn’t get the chance to consider it more. Abruptly Sami said. “I told him who else am I supposed to fight?”

Kirk grinned despite himself.

Sami reluctantly grinned back, and before either of them knew it they were talking. It was a the start of a friendship that would last till death.

XXXX XXXX

His uncle came to get him  He got home from school after an air skimmer ride of utter silence. His uncle he could tell was seething and Kirk couldn’t help flinching once or twice when his uncle reached in his direction, but each time he was just turning a control or looking at a sensor.

Kirk wanted it over with, anything was better then waiting for the inevitable explosion. He knew from experience with Frank that the longer it took for the actual punishment to happen the worse it was. Strangely though when he got home all his aunt did was look at him a little sadly, and Kirk tried to stare at her defiantly but found he couldn’t. Instead he started at the ground as she started “I’m very disappointed in you—“

She was cut off by his uncle. “Mari, we need to talk.”

Kirk glanced up to see his aunt and uncle staring at each other before she gave a slight nod of her head. “James go up to your room.”

He didn’t let that go. Giving her his best scowl he spat. “Its fucking J.T.”

“Don’t talk to your aunt that way!”

Now, this was what he _knew_. Kirk turned to his uncle. “I can talk to her how I want, fuck you.”

His uncle was red with rage and Kirk almost quailed under the stare but the waiting was too much, he wanted this over. “Go to your room now.”

“Hit me, go on. I know you want to. Fucking hit me!” His heart was thudding in his chest as he screamed but his uncle didn’t move towards him.

Kirk opened his mouth again but was stopped by a quiet plea. “Please, please Jam—J.T.”

Mari had spoken but Kirk didn’t turn to look at her. He didn’t want to see her face and take away his resolve, he didn’t want to feel guilty. But against his will he half glanced at her out the corner of his eye.

He hated her, hated his unlce, his cousins, the whole fucking universe. But at that moment he just hated himself. He turned backing up the steps, not taking his eyes from his unlce. He moved until he was out of sight and then he stopped, waiting and listening.

There was a minute of silence and then it started.

“You heard what he did at school, Mari?”

“I heard he got in another fight.”

“Two fights today, last one was a girl three grades down from him.”

“So, what do you want to do.”

“I think you already know. It’s the only thing we can do.”

“David, we already said this. Win sent him here because he needs help.”

Kirk bit his lip at that. His mother hadn’t fucking cared about him, he’d been sent here because it was most convenient for her.

“And I get that but I don’t think we’re equipped to handle it. Something is very wrong with him, and not just adolescent rebellion or whatever story Win spun. He’s hurt and lashing out and with you pregnant and the kids is it even safe to have him around?”

“So, we send him back to earth? There’s no one to care for him there…we’re the only family he has.”

“He has a damn mother, where is she?”

“You know—She isn’t equipped to deal with this…After George died—“

“Stop making excuses, Mari!”

“Where do you want him to go?”

“Maybe a behavioural rehab or something—“

“I’m not sending him away, and neither are you this isn’t what he needs. I don’t think Sam leaving for Mars or whatever Wins said was a coincidence. Everyone has walked out on that boy upstairs and we’re not doing it to. Is that what you want?”

“…No...but if he stays here we have to lay some ground rules…and I think he needs to see someone, a therapist, or counsellor, but someone to get to the bottom of this.”

Kirk didn’t bother listening to anymore. He wasn’t crazy, he wasn’t some messed up charity case and he had no intention of obeying any rules.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things are about to get better...and then much, much worse.


	6. Chapter 6

The school hadn’t suspended him. Maybe his aunt and uncle had called and told the administrators they’re plan. In any case after a lecture with the head principal he had been moved to advanced classes. Apparently his test scores were “off the charts” and he as well as his classmates would be sitting in a few weeks for a special test to determine if they were eligible to enter a selective class for gifted students. Kirk scowled throughout the whole conversation, but secretly he was  a little glad...Someone saw potential in him, plus as part of the class he would have a work study program at the university.

He also started going to counselling session once a week. He didn’t make any attempt to hide his disdain for the idea and the counsellor he treated with barely disguised contempt. She was pleasant enough but he didn’t dare tell her about everything back on Earth. He was a Kirk and kirk’s didn’t complain. Plus, who would believe him anyway.

His aunt and uncle were intolerable , and not because they were mean to him. What bothered him was that they were too nice, it all felt fake and forced. He was used to yelling, frowns, punches, swearing, not attempted hugs, smiles, gentle questions about his day, and stern but loving corrections. It made him sick, because he remembered back on Iowa, Frank was only nice sometimes and those times that he was usually meant something worse than a beating. His aunt didn’t know and he’d never tell her why he shied away from her hugs for the most part, but the memory of Frank’s groping hands made his skin burn.

 A few more weeks in he managed to crack the code to his aunt and uncle’s accounts and had his stuff all ready to go. He planned on leaving that night, but his clueless aunt and uncle were  still as clueless as ever. No matter by the end of the day he’d be nothing but a bad memory to them.

He’d kind of miss Sami though even though he’d  never admit that to her.  Sure he had to listen to her practically venerate her brother every hour or two , and she liked to fight at the drop of a hat and wore a baseball cap that had definitely seen better days. But she was also good company and in lieu of her older brother has apparently adopted him as a surrogate of sorts. Plus, if he’d really admit it to himself he was lonely. Roger and Lucy tried to include him in their games and stuff but he suspected it was mostly because their parents told them to and his aunt and uncle tried to _spend time with him_. But he really didn’t know how to fit in with any of them and he didn’t want to find out. It would just hurt too much when he had to leave.

He and Sami had ridden their bikes down into the valley. Technically Kirk was supposed to be back at the farm. But it was hot outside and he wasn’t spending his last day doing back breaking work...or at least that’s what he liked to consider weeding the garden as.

A new shipment of colonists had arrived to Tarsus  IV, mostly the same mix, scientists, the requisite farmer/neo-hippie movement, and random mélange of others. Most were humans human but a few aliens were mixed in the crowd.

They were all humanoids. Except one group of people, they looked from typical anthropoid stock even with the silver skin and white hair, but what set them apart was the wings folded neatly across their backs.

“They’re angels.” Sami breathed.

“No they’re not” Kirk frowned as he watched the man and woman stop to fix respirators over their faces.

“Yeah , well how do you know J.T.?”

“Cause there’s no God and so how can there be angels.” Kirk muttered the answer as he watched a little girl dance out of the shuttle. She was so small and couldn’t have been more than a few years. The alien’s  feet skimmed the ground as she flapped her wings but she mostly remained grounded due to what must have been inevitably higher gravity than  where she came from.

Sami meanwhile was  treating him to what her brother said about God. Kirk was only half listening, but he caught her last words. “It would be cool to have wings. Then you could anywhere whenever you wanted to”

Kirk could only silently agree.

XXXX XXXX

It was the middle of the night and the house has been asleep for a few hours. He carefully snatched his bag from where it was waiting packed and ready to go in the back of the bedroom closet. His cousin Roger stirred in his sleep at the movement but didn’t wake up. Kirk was a little disappointed he didn’t. It might have slowed down his departure a little but at least then he would have had an excuse to knock him unconscious...not that he needed one. He briefly considered doing something to his cousin as a last parting shot but then shouldered his pack and moved on. It’s not worth risking waking up his aunt or uncle.

He crept past his aunt and uncles bedroom and then  towards the front door. Halfway their he heard footsteps and briefly contemplated hiding but before he could do so, Mark stepped into view rubbing sleep from his eyes.  “Where you going J.T.?”

Kirk bit back the irritation he felt. He was definitely not letting a four-year old ruin the plan he worked for months on , he started to lie but his cousin was already speaking again.  “You’re leaving?”

He weighed his words but ultimately nodded, “Yeah...but you can’t tell anybody”

“Okay.” Mark looked a little sad though. “Is it cause of me? Roger said I was bothering you and you wanted me to go away.”

Kirk felt a little bad at that and scuffed his shoe on the floor before answering. “ No, it’s not you. I gotta leave here, try find my brother.”

“He’s lost?”

That question startled him and make made him think. The last place he knew Sam was at was the Martian colonies, but weeks had passed since he last got a comm, for all he knew his brother might have long moved on...or maybe he wasn’t at the colonies at all. It wasn’t hard to reroute a message or lie about where you were. Kirk certainly would if he and Sam’s positions were reversed. “Yeah, he kinda is.”

“Okay.” Mark hesitated then he ran up and before Kirk could stop him the four-year olds arms were encircling his waist. “I’ll miss you J.T.”

Kirk gave him a smile that for some reason also left his eyes burning and then walked out the house. He tried to put the last few minutes out his mind as he mentally catalogued his stuff. He had a credit chip with enough funds from his aunt and uncle’s bank account that he should be able to bribe his way onto a shuttle and still have plenty left over to make his way to the colonies.  He sneaked into the barn ignoring the lowing of cows disturbed from slumber and climbed into the waiting air skimmer. The engine turned on as he slipped the ignition chip into its slot and then he was free.

He’d only been airborne for fifteen minutes when the controls stop responding. At first he thought it was a malfunction but then stopped trying to reroute power as the readout flashed. _Autopilot engaged landing sequence active._  The tiny vehicle was suddenly full of swearing as he realised what happened.  Someone, and he was almost 100% sure who, had taken control of his craft. Kirk resigned himself to being forced to land. After all he could probably hack into the system and override the Autopilot but that would take much longer than he had.

It didn’t matter though. Because by the time his aunt and uncle came to collect the vehicle he’d be a good ways away from it and well on to some out of the way shuttle port. The vehicle touched down whisper light, and Kirk stepped out. Rain was starting but that was good for hiding his tracks.

It also hide the sound of a hover bike riding in. Kirk didn’t hear it until the vehicle was  almost on top of him. He turned around as the bike set down to find his uncle sliding off.  Instantly his face hardened. He wasn’t going back without a fight.

“Trying to leave were you?”

Kirk didn’t bother  to answer the rhetorical question instead he said. “How’d you know  I was gone?”

“ You’re not as sneaky as you think you are, I noticed the first time you tried to hack our account, I read your Padd with the list of shuttle schedules, it wasn’t too  hard...plus everyone pretty much knows you want to leave here.”

Kirk seethed inside, the calm way his uncle was speaking made him want to hit him. He said the next words as nastily as he could. “If you’re so Goddamn smart then why didn’t you stop me earlier.”

“I wanted to see how far you would go.”

Kirk snorted. “Pretty fucking far.” He narrowed his eyes. “You can try to make me go back with you but you can’t make me stay.”

David frowned. “Why do you want to leave?”

“It’s because I fucking hate this place...”

“You never gave it a chance.”

“Why should I? This is where my mom stuck me because she hates me.”

Something flickered in his uncles eyes and Kirk was pretty sure he knew what it is...but he didn’t want the pity. “Win, doesn’t hate you son.”

“I’m not your son!” Kirk screamed, hating the understanding look on his uncles face. His uncle didn’t understand anything about him. He didn’t even care about him , Kirk was sure of that.

David didn’t  answer that, instead  he said “We’ll talk about you leaving here in the morning, but you and Mark need to come back home now.”

 “Mark’s not here.”

His uncles, face hardened a slight bit. “You didn’t know my four-year old stowed away on your joy ride? I find that hard to believe.”

Kirk was  a hundred percent sure Mark wasn’t in the skimmer and that he left the little boy inside when he left. He told David as much. His uncle looked disbelieving but brushed past to search the shuttle’s interior as Kirk stood outside his stomach suddenly having a sinking feeling.

 _If his cousin wasn’t at home or in the shuttle then where was he?_ David’s face had the same question when he emerged from the shuttle. Kirk watched as he pulled out a comm. “Mari , he’s not here...Did you check the house really good?...Then where is he...Yeah, we’re coming back.”

The comm snapped shut and David’s face was pale as he announced. “Mark is missing” he paused and continued. “Mari thinks he might have gone outside after you left.”

His stomach churned with guilt at the thought but Kirk forced it down. For once he didn’t have an insolent remark to say as his uncle ordered him to get on the back of the hover bike.  He may have been planning on leaving but before he left  he needed to make sure his cousin was alright. Part of him felt responsible and Tarsus IV was still a new colony. There were  predators and all sorts of dangers especially for  a four year old in the middle of the night.  The air skimmer was left behind as the hover bike sped away.

By the time they reached the farm, rain soaked both his uncle and his clothes. But that didn’t matter because his aunt ran up to them her face frantic. “We can’t find him. The kids are looking and the neighbours are coming but he’s still missing.”

“We’ll find him...”

Fifteen minutes, later Mark still hadn’t been found . By then several other people had arrived to help with the search. It was pitch black, since the moon on Tarsus was hit or miss for light most nights and to make matters worse the rain hadn’t let up.

“You’re damn selfish you know that?”

Kirk ignored Roger. He had spent the last few minutes listening to the other boy’s insults littered with choice curses since his parents aren’t around to stop him. Kirk pulled aside some branches and shouted Mark’s name again.  They both paused for a few seconds  to  hear a reply that wasn’t forthcoming.

“You want to leave, you don’t want to be here, you’re angry.” Roger said it all in a sarcastic sing-song voice as he  crashed through the underbrush behind him. “Maybe your mom sent you here ‘cause she got tired of you acting like a spoiled whiny brat?”

Kirk gritted his teeth but continued walking his eyes skimming the ground for a clue as to where his cousin was. Roger didn’t stop. “And now my brother goes missing because of your stupid ass. Guess you don’t care cause  all your family either hates your or is dead...probably happy to be away from you...Fuck the Romulans, bet your dad probably killed himself ‘cause that was the only way he could get away from you.”

That last comment was the final straw, Kirk turned and without warning decked his cousin. Roger was stunned for just a half second and then Kirk’s head snapped back as a fist collided with his jaw. The next few seconds were fast, dirty punches and kicks. Part of Kirk was surprised that his cousin could hold his own the other half just wanted to kill him.

Roger  pinned him down drew back his fist for another punch when Kirk spotted something familiar lying on the ground. The worn stuffed rabbit that Mark carried was lying in the wet dirt and the little boy would have never left it behind on purpose.

  
Kirk shouted “Look” trying to point his cousin ignored him and the blow still landed this time just below his right eye. He could feel by the pain shooting through it that he would be lucky if he didn’t have a matching set of black eyes in the morning. As Roger tried to hit him again Kirk flipped him and pinned the other boy. It takes a few more moments before Roger stopped trying to fight back and looked where Kirk was nodding and then they both scrambled up.

Roger grabbed the rabbit frowning . “He has to be close by then.”

Kirk nodded but didn’t say what he was really thinking. _Or if he isn’t then he’s probably gone._ There may not have been human and alien predators on Tarsus like Earth still had but the animal predators were more than enough to carry away a human child for a meal. Kirk gut was a knot as he tried not to think about his cousin lying there mangled…it would be his fault… _everything was always his fault, his mom was right._

Minutes past as they slipped and slide through the  mud and slick vegetation , then Kirk spotted him. About ten feet below a huge gully was filling with water and in the middle of it clinging to a log, which somehow was still rooted even in the fast moving current, was Mark.

As far as Kirk could see the little boy was unharmed but the light of the glow orbs they carried didn’t provide much light.

“We have to go get Mom, and Dad and the others.” Roger said, still not moving obviously reluctant to leave his brother.

Kirk shook  his head. The water was rising fast and the log was starting to sway as it worked it’s way free. They were at least a five  minute run or a ten minute walk back to the house, by the time they alerted everybody  ad got back here Mark could have been gone...Kirk preferred to think that word rather than  dead.

“It’ll take too long.”  Kirk began slipping off his jacket and pulling off his shoes. His cousin stared at him .

“Then what?”

“We get him ourselves.”

An ugly look crossed Rogers face. “You’re not fucking touching my brother. You’re the reason he’s in there.” Roger started to strip off his own coat and boots. “I’ll get him.”

Kirk bit  his lip but then threw caution to the wind. He’d seen Roger swim and while he may have been good, the water down there was going too fast for his skill plus he hadn’t ever done this before. Winona’s “field trips and camping outings.” were finally coming in handy as Kirk remembered Sam falling in a river when they had hiked back to camp in Yellowstone. “No you’re not.” Kirk knew he could rescue his cousin not because of some false bravado, but because he had done it before.

“What the fuck? You don’t tell me—“

Kirk over talked him resisting the urge to hit his cousin .“I’m a better swimmer than you ...” He continued ignoring the protests and laid out the rest of his reasons before adding. “ plus this way if I can’t get him there’s no loss...you can still go get your mom and Dad.” It didn’t hurt him as much as it would have someone else to say that. He wasn’t a loss to anyone, if he died his mom would be relieved, Sam wouldn’t know and Kirk refused to believe his aunt or uncle would care. No one cared about him, but Kirk was surprised and if he was honest confused to feel that if something happened to Mark he _would_ care…a lot.

Roger looked like he wanted to protest but Kirk grabbed a rope from his pack, inwardly thanking his mother for her relentless command  “be prepared for anything.” Living with an obsessive paranoid woman had its points.

He rolled up his pants legs and tied the rope around a  nearby tree before fastening  it around his own waist.  Kirk slide down the bank, using the rope to slow his descent until he reached water’s edge. The cool liquid lapped his knees as his feet began to sink in the mud. Before he could plan his way further  a piece of debris slammed into his ankles knocking him off balance and into the water. He experienced a moment of panic as the water overtook him and his head dipped below. Liquid rushed into his mouth and nose before he managed to clear the surface sputtering. The water may not have appeared as deep from above but now that he was in it his feet couldn’t even touch the bottom. He swam  towards the log, which had visibly shifted as it lost its place in the rushing water. He wasn’t too far from  where Mark was perched but it took longer because he has to dodge tree branches and other debris as it hurtled pass.

Kirk reached his cousin just as the log began to break loose for good. Thankfully it only took a second or two of coaxing before Mark clambered onto his back.  Kirk was just getting ready to start back when a log came rushing downstream. There was no way he could avoid it. The rope holding him tethered to the bank  stretched taut as the log caught on it , then it snapped, the sudden recoil and the rushing form of the log pushing them both beneath the water.

He had the presence of mind to grip his cousins arm as he felt the boy being dragged by the current and then Kirk’s head broke the water and he pulled Mark up after him. The younger boy sputtered thick water logged breaths but thankfully was still breathing. Kirk managed to make it towards the bank without further incident. Roger had carefully retied the now shorter rope and used it to climb down and was waiting to take his brother. Kirk began to pull himself out when the forgotten rope still fastened in a loop around his waist hooked on something shooting pass. Kirk didn’t have time to react as he was  drawn back into the current. He was tired now. It was harder this time to keep his head above water and the knot of slick cord circling his waist wouldn’t come undone By the time he’d managed to pull his pocketknife out and cut the cord unleashing him from the tangle of debris threatening to drag him under Kirk had sucked in mouthfuls of water.  When, finally made it to the bank he just barely had the energy to grab Roger’s hand and let his cousin pull him ashore out of danger of the current.

It’s another few minutes before Kirk managed to actually stand up. Roger was holding a sodden Mark and staring at Kirk. Kirk was too tired to say what he really wanted  to. So in lieu of swear words he asked. “What?”

Roger shifted uncomfortably and then held out his hand. “Thank you.”

Kirk stared at him silently before started up the bank ignoring his cousins proffered hand.


	7. Chapter 7

Morning was still a few hours off and after a quick check over by their half-human neighbour who also happened to be a doctor both Mark and Kirk were determined not to have any lasting effects from their near drowning. There were the standard instructions to watch for any issues but other than that the rest of the neighbours drifted home after receiving copious thanks from his aunt and Uncle.

The story of how Mark was rescued was somehow glossed over in the rush of relief that his cousin was  alive  and just the facts emerged.. Turned out Mark left the house after Kirk  because he was trying to give the older boy his stuffed rabbit. Kirk felt guilty and  was glad Mark was okay but mostly he felt pissed and tired.

His uncle was noticeably mad at him, his entire body ached and his stomach hurt from all the river water probably still sloshing around inside him. To add insult to injury when had gotten back Kirk was practically ignored as Mark was showered in relieved hugs and tears. He tried to convince himself it only hurt a little as he watched his aunt and the rest of his family congregating over the four-year old and unintentionally ignoring him.

He was happy Mark was safe, and felt cold every time he thought what could have happened if the circumstances had been just a little different. And part of him remembered Roger’s words about him being selfish and wondered whether it was true. After all wasn’t there something wrong with him if a small part of him was wishing that his cousin hadn’t been found because at least he wouldn’t have to witness the boy get all the affection that he would never receive.

He dug his fingers into his palms trying to keep his face straight and the stinging in his eyes at bay. he just wanted to go to bed and forget about the night. That wasn’t going to happen to happen. Mark and the rest of his cousins went upstairs with their mother. It was just him and his uncle David now. His uncle’s face was stony, not exactly angry but Kirk had seen enough of that fake brand of control from Frank to know what was really being masked.

 A chair rasped as his uncle pulled it towards the table and then the lecture started. Never mind that his head was starting to hurt now, or he felt like he was going to be sick...it was more important that his uncle got his point across. Kirk couldn’t  bring himself to look appropriately apologetic, and his uncle asked. “What do you have to say for yourself?”

“I’ll make sure I lock the door before I leave next time.” Kirk felt the anger radiating off the other man, a muscle twitched in his jaw like he was about to explode and Kirk knew that his uncle about to break like Frank would, that the fake calm act would fail and next would be blows, punches, screaming. Kirk jerked involuntarily as his uncle moved. He was expecting a fist but his uncle was just standing up.

David walked into another room and the sound of conversation filtered through the walls.

“Mari he doesn’t want to be here, plain and simple.”

“We promised Win we’d take him in.”

“She didn’t say he was as bad as this, Mark nearly died because he wanted to run away.”

“He just needs to get used to us and this place. Jim is having a hard time.”

“What he needs is some discipline.”

“David...” The volume of the conversation drifted lower until Kirk couldn’t hear it and within minutes his uncle came back out. He was still angry but  more controlled this time. Kirk glared at him as he sat.. They still wanted to get rid of him too, he should have expected as much. Sure he was mostly responsible for what happened, but he already felt horrible about it and there was nothing he could do to change it now anyway. But of course he was still in trouble, of course everyone  was mad at him, because that’s how his life is...how it’s always been.

He slipped back into the tough exterior he thought he had  managed to perfect...it was easy he never really left it faded it back a little thinking that finally maybe someone actually cared about him for what he was and not what he wasn’t or what he could be.

“You’re going to stay here.”

“Whatever.” Kirk said  he word as insolently as possible wanting to make his uncle mad.

The lecture continued as if he hadn’t spoken. “I’m calling your mother tomorrow and letting her know what happened.”

“She won’t care.” His aunt was watching him and out the corner of her eye he saw the frown on her face as she witnessed the increasingly vitriolic exchange.

“You’re to go to school and come home.”

“This isn’t my home.”

His uncle’s words were growing harder, harder by the second and Kirk was growing more, and more disrespectful.

“James, your cousin could have died and how would that have made you feel?”

Kirk wanted to say something different _Horrible, awful..._   But he couldn’t bring himself to give in, instead he swallowed down the guilt he felt rising and smirked. “Like maybe his parents  should have watched him better so he didn’t go wandering off during the night.” Inside his gut twisted at what he  had said but he didn’t let his expression change. It was worth it to see the fury on his uncles face.

“Do you even care?”

“No!” Kirk didn’t mean to shout the words, but he was done now. He wanted to get this over with. He wanted to be hurt...he wanted the fake love they’ve been showing him to be gone because it’s not something he wanted or needed.  At least that was what he convinced himself.

“I don’t care if he’s dead. I don’t care because he’s not my  brother, he’s not anybody to me...None of you are...I don’t have any fucking family...you—you don’t care about me and I don’t give a shit about you!”

He felt tears building in his eyes and just wanted to get away. His uncle was staring at him his face unreadable and his aunt was somewhere in the background, but Kirk’s vision was blurred by tears.

 He stood up letting his chair fall to the floor and ran out the door into the rain that was still falling. The door slammed again seconds behind him and “David!” rang out before hands catch him holding him tight. A hand was on his shoulder shaking him. He squirmed against the grip already knowing what to expect and managed to get free.  

Tears and snot  ran down his face mixed with rain water and he didn’t try to run. His eyes burned as he stared at his uncle with as much hate as he could muster and yelled. “Go on hit me, beat me...I can see you’re mad. I don’t care! Hit me, punch me!” He could barely breathe he was so clogged from crying . “Punish me like Frank does if you want.  I don’t care.”

His uncle looked like he’s been slapped. The words rushed out and he almost chocked on them his throat feels so thick. “I don’t care if you hate me. I don’t care if I’m not good enough. You don’t have to keep me here, I won’t stay anyway. I know nobody wants me.”

He hated himself for being weak enough to cry, but he couldn’t stop. He was sobbing so much his chest hurt and his eyes were blurry.  He saw his uncle reaching for him and fought the man’s grip. But his uncle was too strong and he was crying too hard to resist. He found his face buried in his uncles shirt and soon gave in. The embrace wasn’t like when Frank pretended to hug  him using it as an opportunity to hint at  what was coming next...or like his mother who only seemed to touch him only out of some necessity and never genuine affection. It was even like his brother who had held him tightly sometimes in fear like he could protect him and sometimes like he wanted to break him.

This was something different and Jim wasn’t sure what.

“Jim, kid, calm down.” His uncle’s voice was rough with emotion.” You’re safe here. We’re not going to hurt you...You’re safe.”

At some point his aunts arm’s were around him too. The rain dripped down and it was minutes before they let him go. By then he just felt drained.

XXXX XXXX

It was later that night when he told them about Frank. After they had gone back to the house they kept asking him, and he was so tired that he finally told.  He didn’t tell them it all their faces were enough when he told them about being hit and punched. He didn’t think he could stand it if they found out about the other stuff. The stuff that was more than bruises and broken bones.

He stared at the table as he finished and toyed with the slowly cooling mug of hot chocolate in front of him.  Silence stretched and Kirk was grateful that his cousins were asleep. He wouldn’t have wanted to listen to Roger’s comments which imagined would be about how he deserved it or Lucy ask him question after question. He didn’t want to start crying again in front of them or get so upset he was tempted to tell it all.

Mari broke the silence. “Jimmy does your mom know?”

Jim traced a finger across the tabletop before answering. “Not about it all—sometimes—“ He broke off and cleared his throat a few times before continuing. “Sometimes she’s home when Frank disciplines me but he doesn’t do it so much when she’s around.”

He tried to keep his voice strong and looked up meeting her eyes. “When Sam left it got worse.” He couldn’t help the way his eyes dropped or his voice fell to a whisper as he ended.

“We’re going to talk with her tomorrow and let her know what you told us.”

“Okay.” Kirk shrugged trying to act like he didn’t care. “She won’t care and she won’t believe you. She’ll just say I’m lying.”

“We’re still going to talk to her.” David answered.

“Yeah...Okay...can I go now.”

“Sure, but wait a  moment. Look at me.”

Kirk looked up to find his uncle staring at him seriously. “You can stay with us for as long as you want...And unless your mom does something about Frank we’re not letting her take you back.”

He could tell his Uncle was serious and a part of him warmed at the thought that someone actually cared enough to want him, but that thought soured as he imagined what his mother would feel. Before he could stop himself he blurted out his thoughts. “She’ll be happy to get rid of me.” 

 

**March 2245**

Even though he toyed with the idea a few times, He never did try to leave again . His aunt and uncle had pretty much made it almost impossible (or so they thought) for him to hack into their account . However, the real reason he didn’t leave was because things were different on Tarsus IV. He still got into fights, Roger and him still had an undercurrent of dislike (though now it was more like sibling rivalry and less like mortal enemies) and he still earned looks from his aunt and uncle for his usual choice of language and comments. But things were better. He was slowly but surely unlearning a lifetime of habits.

“Jim could you come to the kitchen please?” Mari’s voice called out.

Kirk shouted back.. “I’m busy” and turned back to the game he was playing with Lucy. This was only his first few games of chess but the rules and strategies were clicking together so well that he’s sure he could beat her in a few more moves.

“Jim get in here, please.”

Kirk took the liberty of rolling his eyes at his aunt’s insistent tone but dutifully got up. “I’ll be back in a minute Luce.”

“’Okay” his cousin said not bothering to raise her eyes from the board where she was intently studying it.

The kitchen was full of the smell of freshly baked cookies and bread. That was one thing he had added to his list of slowly growing reasons Tarsus wasn’t so bad...apparently many of the colonists firmly eschewed synthesized food.

Kirk grabbed a cookie from a cooling rack and took a bite. His aunt raised an eyebrow at him but didn’t comment on his pilfered snack, instead she said. “Your mom is calling.” Mari’s tone was neutral but Kirk heard the barely disguised anger in her voice.

The next day after Mark had been found Kirk had listened in as his aunt and uncle had talked with his mother. It seemed that, they found her reassurances about Frank to be the crap that it was.  He wasn’t sure exactly because his aunt and uncle didn’t talk about it much but apparently they had tried to contact some authorities on Earth about Frank and Win had not only blocked them but called ranting and pissed at them “interfering and listening to lies.” So instead of answering the comms his mother sent out sporadically his aunt had let him do most of the talking, not that Kirk had much to say either.

The cookie suddenly tasted like sawdust. Kirk gave a shrug , he had nothing to say to his mother but that’s never stopped her from talking at him.  Kirk turned to face the Holo screen his shoulders squared and eyes strangely cold. A few seconds passed and then Winona Kirk popped onto the screen. Her eyes were a little more tired and her hair seemed thinner but overall she was the same. A false smile crossed her face as she saw him. “Hello, Jimmy.”

She spotted his aunt hovering somewhere behind him “Hi Mari.”

“Win” His aunt was curt and there was an undercurrent of steel to the  greeting, but Kirk’s mother seemed to either not notice or not care.

“So Jimmy I called to see how you were doing.”

“Fine.”

“That’s good, some things came up and so I won’t be able to make it there for the 22nd....”

 _Funny how she said the 22 nd instead of his birthday_ Kirk thought as he tightened his jaw and forced himself to reply carelessly as he interrupted her. “Yeah whatever. _“_

“Jimmy please understand I’d love to be there” _Liar._  “But I’m just too busy right now and there’s a big project I’m working on which needs to be done. I hear Tarsus has a big memorial ceremony every year so you won’t miss anything and...” _Great is she really that stupid that she thinks he likes watching memorial ceremonies  all centred around his dad dying as some goddamn hero on the day that he also happened to be born._

 _“_ Fine.”

Then Winona dropped the bombshell which had undoubtedly been the reason she called. (After all she never bothered any of the other times she missed his birthday to call.) “This project I’m working on is going to take longer than expected and I’m going to have to leave you on Tarsus for longer than I planned.”

“How long?” It’s not like Kirk really cared but he was curious how long his mom wanted to get rid of him this time.

Winona seemed a little nervous and glanced at his aunt like she wanted support before she blurted out. “Up to a year...maybe a little longer...You know I wouldn’t do this jimmy unless there was absolutely  no other way so...”

“Fine.” He didn’t really care how long she left him, in fact he didn’t care if she never saw him again. At least on Tarsus he didn’t have to be near Frank...or his mother for that matter.

She was already following up with her typical brand of pleading. First passing the blame and then acting like he was the problem. Then again he always was the problem...at least for her. “Now, Jimmy don’t make this any harder than it has to be. I would do almost anything to get finished sooner and—“

He turned and walked away leaving her still talking and ignored his aunt’s attempts to call him back.

Lucy looked up as he dropped heavily by the chess board. “Who commed you?”

Kirk took a few moments to  scan the board before  answering. As he selected a rook and made his move. He answered. “Nobody.”

XXXX XXXX

The ceremony on Tarsus was like the thousands of ones that were surely occurring all across the federation. It was the memorial day for the Kelvin , March 22nd. It just also happened to be his birthday.  Everybody was dressed up a little , food was spread out in the main courtyard of the city square and some man called Kodos who apparently was a favoured candidate for governor next election cycle was supposed to show up.

Kirk didn’t give a damn about any of those things. Instead all he wanted was to be away from the crowds. News had spread that he was George Kirk’s son and now today only served to highlight that fact. People were saying how  proud he should be of his father and how he was one day going to be like him. The current head of the festivities had even tried to get him to make a speech for the crowd, (his uncle and aunt had thankfully told the man off).

His cousins were having fun at some ride that had been set up, but Kirk slipped away as they tried to get him to join in. It felt wrong to be celebrating or commemorating or whatever the hell everybody thought they were doing when over 800  people died no less than twelve years ago. Especially when one of the people who died was his own father.

An ice cream cart nearby caught his attention and five minutes later he was perched in a tree in the courtyard watching the people mill below. “Too much for you too?”

Kirk nearly fell from his seat at the unexpected voice. A girl with a heart shaped face was peering at him from a branch or two above, as he watched she slipped down until she was sitting on the same one as him. “Names Carla.”

“J.T.”

She nodded like she already knew, which she probably did, considering most everybody at the ceremony knew who he was.

 Carla looked like she was about to say something else and Kirk had no desire to hear more questions. He had gotten enough of those from supposedly well meaning but ultimately clueless colonists who had taken it upon themselves to ask what it had been like on the Kelvin. He wished that they had taken the same amount of energy in thinking that they had to track him down them maybe some of them would have realised that he was a baby back then and had no idea just like the rest of them. It was a little rude, but he said it anyway. “What are you doing up here?”

“Same as you” Carla grinned in response to his blank look. “Hiding.”

“I’m not hiding —“ Kirk started to say.

Carla shrugged. “Well I am. So who made you come?”

“My aunt and uncle.”

“Sucks doesn’t it... Wouldn’t be so bad if they didn’t turn the whole memorial service into some giant barbecue” She pulled a leaf off the tree and twirled it between her fingers. “My mom’s manning the med tent a shift so I had to come. Couldn’t stand to stay in the crowds though, everybody’s walking around thinking about how much fun they’re having and—“

Kirk turned to stare at her quizzically at that odd last comment and she petered out at his look.  He noticed then that her eyes were a rich chocolate brown so much so that the white was almost not visible, and her skin was a rich olive. She wasn’t human, but what she was he couldn’t place.

“Betazoid.” Carla grinned. “Well actually one –quarter, still got the whole mind thing though.”

Kirk unconsciously shifted away wracking his mind for what he knew of the species. It was very little. Carla noticed his sudden wariness. “Don’t worry I’m not reading your mind or anything just picking up emotions...mom says I’m supposed to shield when I’m around anyone else but that’s tiring, so I still get feelings sometimes.”

“Oh, um...”

“No need to be awkward, promise not to read your mind. “ Carla grinned again and she had such an infectious smile that Kirk found himself smiling back.

“So where’d you get that ice cream.”

“Around.” He felt strange admitting he had stole it to her.  He felt his face redden at the though and to cover his embarrassment added. “You want one.”

“Nope, don’t need you becoming even more of a delinquent on my account.” Carla managed to sound like she was joking and yet serious at the same time. “I’ll take a lick of yours though.” Kirk offered  handed over the cone and the traded licks back and forth until almost an hour had passed and the cone was gone laying nothing but sticky fingers. Carla had also told him more about herself. He mom was half-betazoid and a doctor and her father had died on the Kelvin a year after she was born. She also seemed to know about had happened to his own father but never once brought it up in the conversation.

“Jimmy where are you?”

Kirk scowled as he heard his aunt somewhere below.

“You better go.” Carla slipped down the tree trunk and began shimmying down. “My mom will be looking for me, I should go too.”

By the time they both made it down Kirk was hot and sweaty he gave a wave to Carla which she returned with another dazzling grin and watched as she slipped away into the crowd. “Found yourself a girlfriend?” Roger was waiting a few feet away and had seen the whole exchange.

Kirk felt his face turn red and elbowed his cousin in the ribs. “Shut up.”

Roger gave a smirk. “No can do...Jimmy T has found himself a girlfriend I’m announcing it to the world that some girl likes your obnoxious ass...or maybe I should say another girl does...that red haired girl from school was asking where you were.”

“Sami?”

“Yeah, think that’s her name the one with the baseball cap.” Roger pushed his way through the crowd with Kirk following. “She’s talking mom’s ear off right now, apparently that guy Kodos has some special program at school too and she say’s you’re one of the people selected for it.”

They emerged to find a very pregnant and very flustered Mari trying to keep track of the whirlwind that was Samantha Gestalt, all 142cm  of her.

“J.T.” Sami twisted around, red hair flying as she noticed Kirk. She was slightly out of breath as  her words tumbled over each other. “Did you see, they’re taking a percentage of students from each grade and ...”

She broke off looking at something over his shoulder, Kirk turned as the crowd of people in the square slowly quieted and a figure wove its way through the crowd stopping to greet ad talk with people. He was an odd man with skin that was oddly fake looking and cold presence, that made him seem aloof. Behind him trailed a girl with blonde hair who couldn’t have been more than a year or two older than Kirk.

Kodos finally stopped near them. He talked briefly with Kirk’s aunt and uncle before turning his gaze to their nephew. Kirk squirmed under the man’s scrutiny. “James. T. Kirk son of a legend.”

Kirk wasn’t surprised Kodos knew his name considering that half the people on the colony did by now, but there was something about the way he said it that sent a shiver up his spine.  “I see you doing great things one day, so many of you here have so much potential .” He glanced over at Sami then back at Kirk.

“I’m being impolite, this is my daughter Lenore.” He gestured to the blonde haired girl standing beside him. “Only a year older than you, but already a great help to her father.”

Lenore nodded at Kirk , the smile she gave him reminded him of Carla, but where the part-Betazoid girl had been warm and inviting , Lenore was likewise enthralling but cold and impersonal. “Nice to meet you.”

“I’ll be seeing you around James.” Then Kodos had moved away toward the stage.

Kirk felt oddly cold, there was something about Kodos that made him feel weird, like a draft had swept in with the man. Behind him his uncle grumbled. “I never met him before and I didn’t like him then, and now that I’ve met him I think my judgement was right. Worst thing that can happen to this colony is him as the governor.”

Mari shushed him. “David, he was just being friendly. You never like politicians.”

“Damn right I don’t” His uncle added. “I especially don’t like or trust a man whose face you never see.”

“He was burned David, horribly so. I don’t blame him for wearing a facial prosthesis...”

His uncle and aunt’s argument petered out as Kodos took the stage. Slowly silence descended on the square as every head turned to face the man.

“Today marks a monumental  event in the federation’s history and for Starfleet. Twelve years ago the weaknesses of these great institutions was laid bare. And now we still struggle to make ourselves strong enough to defend the weak, to protect our homes, to be the model of strength that the galaxy thought of us as.”

Kodos paused and surveyed the crowd before Kirk felt the man meet his gaze briefly before continuing. “This colony is in its infancy but has already began to do great things. We live on the edge of what some would say was an inhospitable environment, a great part of the year our colony is unreachable by ship and mostly cut off from outside communication with the world, less determined beings would have failed to survive  under such hardships. But the colonists of Tarsus  have managed to not only survive but to thrive. And under my leadership as Governor Tarsus IV will enter an even greater level of change and perseverance than it has before. We will weather whatever hardships we are faced with and instead of succumbing the cream will rise to the top in the face of adversity. It is my commitment to you to bring my vision of the future to this colony so that not only this colony but the Federation as a whole is stronger. Through the sacrifice of the many and the works of the few, so shall change be wrought.”

Applause broke out as Kodos finished, Kirk kept his hands at his sides as people clapped. As Kodos turned to leave the stage he caught Kirk’s eye one more time then he was gone .

Behind him Kirk heard his uncle mutter, “We’ll see.”


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's an update...and previous chap will be deleted shortly. I'm just making sure this chap shows up as an update.

**September 2245**

“Pass me that cellular stimulator will you.” Kirk passed over the tool after perusing the odd selection off tools laid out before him . After handing the tool over he settled back on the counter where he was perched.

“So are you worried?” Kirk ran his finger over the pitted counter and tried to sound nonchalant. The thought of being trapped somewhere, even as nice as Tarsus was turning out to be, was making him feel antsy.

“I’m not worried, for the next year and a half we’ll just be comm silent, wasn’t planning on leaving Tarsus for a while anyway and to leave now makes no sense.” Leighton glanced up from where he was  carefully teasing  a plants roots apart. “How about you. Planning on going back to earth before the huge planet shattering once in a lifetime event happens?”

Kirk’s work study internship had been randomly selected, at first he had been seriously pissed at being sent to help out in the botany lab. But it wasn’t that bad and he had met up again with Thomas Leighton from his shuttle ride to Tarsus.  The teen was still as excited as ever about “playing with flowers” as Kirk liked to tease him about, but he had to admit his enthusiasm was somewhat infectious. Even though Kirk sincerely doubted he would ever want a career in botany.

“No, my mom’s somewhere in deep space...I think...She wouldn’t be able to get here in time.” Kirk answered off hand trying to sound like he didn’t care. He wasn’t entirely successful.

Leighton glanced up again his brow furrowed for a moment at the look on Kirk’s face but he turned back to what he was doing before the other boy could look up and notice “Good thing too. Where would I find another equally as lazy lab assistant?”

“Fuck you.” But it was said without malice.  Just his comm. beeped and Kirk glanced down at the message before quickly slipping off the counter as he noticed the time. “Gotta go,.”

He was halfway out the door when Leighton called out. “Say hi to your girlfriend for me!”

“Carla’s not my girlfriend, “ Kirk yelled back not bothering to add that he wasn’t going to see her anyway. He had to get home to babysit Mark and the new baby Luke while his aunt and uncle went and picked up the supplies that were being delivered by Starfleet to the colonists before spatial anomalies  would make the colony unreachable soon.

Roger was still at school and Lucy had gone over to a friend’s house.  “His bottle’s in the fridge and do not under any circumstances allow Mark to slide down the stairs...” His aunt was already adding her typical worried orders as she got ready to leave.

“He’s done this before, Mari.” His uncle said winking at him. “Plus we’ll just be down in the valley not off planet.”

“I know, I know.” She leaned down to kiss him on the cheek and added. “You sure you don’t mind Jim? We could get one of the neighbours to babysit or...”

Kirk shook his head. Half the valley was going to get supplies before they would be officially planet bound , plus it felt good to be trusted enough to babysit.

“Okay we’ll be back before you know it.”

Kirk watched them leave and then turned back as now five-year old Mark demanded. “J. T. , come play with me.”

His uncle and aunt returned an hour earlier than expected interrupting the card game he was trying and failing to teach his cousin.  At first glance he could tell something was wrong. He dropped the Holo cards he was holding and asked. “What happened?”

“Nothing to worry about dear” His aunt said trying to smile but not quite having the expression reach her eyes.

“Bullshit Mari” His wife’s admonishment at the profanity was lost as David continued raising his voice as he pulled off his coat. “He needs to know.”

Kirk stood up as his uncle stared at him. “Kodos ordered the supplies confiscated to ensure fair distribution. It’s crap, he’s claiming that we need to make sure we have enough to last since the blackout will last longer than usual but with the crops and other supplies there shouldn’t be any problem.”

“So why are the supplies being confiscated then?”

David scowled. “I don’t know but whatever is reason is I’m betting it isn’t for a good reason...Things are probably going to get bad.”

**September 15 2245**

Just how had bad became apparent only a week after the blackout had started. Supplies were still being hoarded by Kodos administration and the colony was additional on edge due to a rumoured loss of about 25% of the supplies delivered. The official reason for the loss was listed as “unknown and under investigation” But rumours abounded.

Kirk and his cousins were eating breakfast when the announcement came over the Holo screen. Kodos was smiling broadly as he spoke. “As of today September 15th I Kodos, Governor of Tarsus IV have enacted new measures to ensure the survival of the colony during this crucial time in which we will be cut off from the wider Federation for months. First, the farms in the area will be required to turn over a portion of their yield to the agricultural officers that will be visiting the area. “

Voices yelled out from the crowd that was surrounding the podium where Kodos was speaking. Kodos gestured to one of the guards standing near him and the man let off a volley of phaser fire into the sky to silence the crowd. Kodos waited until all were quiet and then continued. “After a recent contamination of some of our food supply the importance of conserving what we do have has become more apparent.  The second measure I have enacted is directed towards fostering more of a community sprit among the colonist and preventing the seeds of sedition and mistrust from being sown. Outside comms are difficult to make in the current blackout we are experiencing but for those rare times that a colonist is able to receive  or make a comm the lines will be carefully monitored. An investigation is being done and it is believed that the contamination of part of our food supply may be have been a deliberate act by those who had outside help.”

The news broadcast, and Kirk continued watching his spoon frozen halfway towards his mouth, until his uncle turned off the Holo screen.  “I told you Mari, the next foot’s dropped, the man’s a dictator.”

Mari frowned but didn’t say anything in response instead she began clearing away breakfast dishes. “Time to get ready for school kids.”

Kirk scrambled up with the others grabbing his padd, but even as he helped Mark pull on his shoes and shoved the numerous data chips Lucy insisted on taking inside her school bag he kept an eye on the whispered conversation going on between his aunt and uncle  in the dining room.

“There’s something going on here and I don’t like it.”

“What can we do about it?”

“Mari, we need to stop this before it goes too far.”

“Be careful saying that they took away Carrie and John O’Malley a few days ago because he was publicly calling for Kodos to resign.”

“And that’s why we need to stand up, when you can’t even disagree without being branded a criminal that’s a problem. I just want you and the kids to be safe.”

A half-laugh sounded and then Kirk heard Mari answer. “What do you want us to do then? Stay at home? Hide out in a cave in the hills?”

His uncle’s voice was darker than usual. “That’s not a half bad idea, the hills have so much Cortrium in there that it would take a few years at least for them to find somebody if they didn’t want to be found.”

“David—“

“No, listen , things are going to get worse before they get better, and we all need to keep our eyes and ears open. Kodos isn’t going to stop with confiscating food and limiting comms, there’s an endgame.”

Kirk slipped away from the doorway as the voices grew too dim to make out.  His uncle’s words were ringing inside is head and the way that Kodos had looked at him in the square over half a year ago  kept playing back and forth in his head.

Something was happening and it was going to be bad.

**October 2245**

“Why are those out now?”

Roger glanced up looking at the big vessels gliding above the fields spraying, then rolled his eyes “They’re spraying that’s why.”

Kirk scowled but didn’t bother to reply to his cousin’s comment, instead he turned back to the ships watching them as they flew over the fields spreading some sort of powder...or maybe it was a liquid either way it was too far to tell. There was something strange about what they were doing. The crops that were growing had long since been harvested, the planet was still in its colder phase and any necessary fertilization or soil amendment had already been done. So the ships had no reason for being out...

“Jim?” Kirk didn’t hear the voice he was too busy watching the ships, which were now gliding over the lower valley and even up into the hills.

“James.” He turned around as he heard his uncle call him again. The man had come up to stand behind him and was staring out at the ships too.

Kirk looked up at him. “What are they spraying?”

David shook his head. “Beats me...too early for pesticides, too early for more fertilizer, plus...” He frowned and added. “Nobody was given a notice they would be spraying anything today.”

They watched the ships for a few more minutes, until they had dipped behind some hills and disappeared. David turned away and started back down the way they had been walking. “Come on let’s see if we can catch some dinner before it gets dark.”

Kirk and Roger obediently followed, as they were walking away Kirk glanced back to see the mists lingering over the vegetation below. It looked like a thick fog hanging ominously in the late afternoon, heat.

Later that night as they all sat down to eat dinner which consisted of the few birds they had caught and some of their rations another “announcement” came. They were beginning to be a fixture of life, each new proclamation by Kodos bringing some fresh hell. This one was more benign than most, instead of declaring that all energy weapons would be confiscated or listing new rationing measures, it merely announced that a new formula had been developed that would increase crop yields when the growing season came around again and that colony wide spraying would be in effect until the end of the next week.

That would have been a perfectly fine announcement, except for one thing. If the formula was supposed to increase crop yields than why were they spraying the hills and forests where nothing grew but wild plants.

He pointed out the odd choice of where to spray and received a derisive snort from his cousin. “You’re a real conspiracy theorist aren’t you?” Roger spooned a bite of food in and said through a full mouth. “So what are they spraying instead of fertilizer....some kind of plague to kill us all?”

Mari frowned at Roger still chewing with a full mouth and passed him a napkin before turning to Kirk. “I know a lot of people are talking about Kodos but I think he’s just doing the best to keep this colony together. We’ve got no way to contact anybody for a few months and food stores are low . He’s got to run a tight ship, but I don’t think he would do anything to hurt this colony.”

David obviously didn’t agree with what she was saying but kept quiet. Mari added. “You had old earth history.”

Kirk nodded, not sure where she was going with her question.

“Well you remember during WWII the decisions Winston Churchill and the American Presidents made to keep our country safe? Well Kodos is doing something like that, and we need to trust him.”

“Or he’s like Hitler and plans on sending us to the gas chambers.” David added darkly earning a glare from his wife.

“Mari, the man is a dictator. Slowly but surely he’s taken over this colony and he’s using the food shortage as an excuse.”

“I really think—“

Kirk continued eating in silence as his aunt and uncle’s discussion turned into a heated argument. He liked his aunt, she was kind but she was also too trusting. His uncle’s observation fitted more with his own opinion, Kodos wasn’t trying to help them...something was happening it was no coincidence so many things were going wrong at the same time.

XXXX XXXX

Later after everyone had got to sleep he slipped out of bed, fully dressed. It was a long walk down into the valley where the mist had been the heaviest, and drops of whatever it was still clung heavily to plants.  He pulled out a vial and scrapped the lingering residue from the petals of plants into the container. When he had almost half a container full he carefully stashed the sample in his pocket and went back home.

In the darkness he stared at the semi-transparent liquid floating in the vial, it probably was fertilizer....but it wouldn’t hurt to make sure.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm a terrible person for not updating... I could say school, work, life....but you guys know the excuses...so here's a chapter and I'll shut up.

**November 2245**

“What you got there?”

Kirk glanced up at the unexpectedly close voice , then hurriedly flipped off the molecular image he was looking at  on his Padd.

“Nothing.”

Leighton grinned. “Really, and nothing has you hunched over in the corner of this lab for the past few weeks?”

It was true he had been neglecting his regular duties more so than usual in favour of spending every spare moment in the botany lab analysing the strange substance he had collected off the foliage. So far it had been difficult to identify and thus had turned into an obsession of sorts.

Kirk was hesitant to tell Leighton what he had found. It wasn’t that he didn’t trust him, but more that he was becoming increasingly sure that whatever that if anybody else got news of what he was analysing something would happen.

“Come on, spill.” Leighton snatched his Padd off the desk before Kirk could stop him. The young man was grinning as he turned it back on, he looked up. “So what’s so secret, looking at some—“ He broke off as the data popped up.

“Molecular analysis?” Leighton’s voice was incredulous and somewhat disappointed. He passed the Padd, back rolling his eyes. “That’s the 007 top secret shit you were hiding? ...Here I was thinking your girlfriend Carla might’ve sent you some vids or maybe you—“

Kirk scowled, “She’s not my girlfriend.” Leighton smirked and opened his mouth to say something else , Kirk hurriedly interrupted him trying to ignore the way his own face was turning red. “ Anyway I was trying to figure out what this is.”  He leaned down, opened a small stasis cabinet in his workstation, and held up the remaining liquid still floating innocuously in a vial.

Leighton yawned, and scratched behind his ear nonchalantly obviously not impressed. “Yeah, what is it?

  
“This is what they were spraying across the farmland, forests....”

“Still not interested.” Leighton was looking increasingly bored, and had started to wander back to where he was working before. “You’re going around collecting run of the mill fertilizer now?”

Kirk ignored the comment and pulled the notes and work he had so far completed on the sample.  “The weird thing is it’s not only fertilizer...”

Leighton paused and came back over, looking thoughtful. “What else is it?”

“I’m not sure. I ran a few tests on it but whatever’s mixed with the fertilizer seems to be inorganic, I think there’s some kind of coating covering something else.”

Leighton read the notes quickly then looked at a slide of the fluid. “I think you’re right. Pass me that J.T.” He nodded at a resonance scanner lying nearby.

“Well you’re correct” Leighton finally sat back after a solid hour of reviewing Kirk’s notes and running various tests on the clear fluid. “It’s probably not purely organic, possibly some sort of partial biopolymer...I’d have to run some more tests to be sure and then I’d have to figure out how to crack one open without destroying what’s inside.”

Leighton turned back and passed the vial back to Kirk. “Where’d you say you got this again?”

Kirk hesitated but then said. “The colony ships were spraying it.”

“Hmm, that’s weird.”

“Yeah.”

Leighton shrugged. “Maybe it’s some sort of long-release nutrients or something...I wouldn’t worry about it if the colony ships were spraying it.  The food will run low unless the boost yields for the growing season ...that’s probably what this is.”

“Yeah, probably.” Kirk agreed but he was still planning to make sure.

**December 1 2245**

Kirk gratefully left school, lunch had been short due to food rationing, and most of the teachers seemed on edge. The advanced classes he was being made to take was the worst. A Vulcan taught them and apparently, Kodos directly oversaw the curriculum. But after each session Kirk left with a disoriented feeling and what had actually happened during the class was always a blur. He had a vague memory of the lesson for that day but it always seemed to be like a like a memory from a few years ago not one that was crisp enough to be recent.

Still that was the least of his problems, crops all over Tarsus were starting to fail and nobody seemed to be able to find the cause yet, plus more and more of the colonists had been rounded up by troops Kodos had deployed to keep order.

Kirk along with a lot of the botany staff and assistants was working overtime.  Late last month he had commandeered Leighton after he found that the small polymers in the fertilizer spray actually contained some sort of dormant fungi. Leighton wasn’t impressed but at having extra work to do and had grudgingly agreed. So Kirk was surprised when slipped into the lab just in time to see Leighton give a yell of excitement. “J.T. I’ve got! What you mentioned yesterday got me to thinking so I took the samples and retested them with a different set of conditions and found the cause of the crop failures.”

“What is it?”

Leighton grabbed a data Padd and brought it over. “It’s fungi, but it doesn’t act like any Fungi I’ve ever seen. Most fungi doesn’t attack living things instead it uses what’s already dead or decaying for fuel. Plus, this species is capable of hiding itself by camouflaging itself inside the plants cells , so that by the time the infection is noticed it’s too late.” Leighton gave a strained chuckle. “Kind of like super fungus.”

Kirk didn’t respond for a moment. An idea had just crossed  his mind. Before he could voice it Leighton continued. “The fertilizer must have gotten contaminated with it somehow and then they fertilized the crops with it,  but even so it’s kind of weird that nobody found it before now. “

 “Is it?” Kirk blurted out then rushed on. “Kodos, is confiscating crops, he’s rounding up people who disagree with him...maybe he had this—this fungi or whatever created so—“

Leighton slapped a hand over his mouth before he could continue talking. “J.T. are you trying to get us in trouble kid?” He removed his and as Kirk fell silent  and quickly locked the doors of the lab before furtively peeking out the window and coming back. “You say stuff like that and the next person getting locked up is us, people are already going crazy over this crop failure thing and saying Kodos is behind it will—”

“I’m serious Tommy. “ He cut in but lowered is voice at the other boy’s look.  “Isn’t it kind of a big coincidence that the supplies get confiscated, and then some of them are contaminated but they can’t seem to find who did it and now the crops are dying , but there’s some weird fungi causing it which nobody seemed to find.”

Leighton frowned looking uncertain now. Then he licked his lips and asked in a voice so low it was almost a whisper. “Okay so what if you’re right? What can we do about it?”.

“We have to tell, if the rest of the colony doesn’t know then they can’t fix it.”

“It’ll cause a panic...We should just tell the government and let them take care of it.”

“And what if they don’t”

Leighton ran a frustrated hand through his hair. “This conversation is crazy...”

Kirk cut him off. “No it’s not. If you’re so sure that Kodos is all right why are we trying to keep this quiet.”

Leighton didn’t speak for a few seconds, when he did it was in an even quieter voice. “ If this is all planned and we just happened to stumble upon what’s happening , If Kodos finds out we told...” Leighton broke off fear in his eyes before he glanced around and added quietly. “You remember  Mitchell Beaver , majoring in Toxicology?”

Kirk nodded wondering what that had to do with anything.

“He died a few days ago in his office, they said it was heart problems...” Leighton licked his lips and hesitated. Then cleared his throat and added. “Mitch was a healthy guy, nothing wrong with his heart as far as I know, but he was looking into the contamination of the food and told me a day before he died that he found something out about where the contaminant might have came from...wouldn’t tell me over the comm...said we’d meet in person...We never got to before he died.”

Leighton continued standing up to pace now. “So I went to his office to see if I could find anything...and all his files were gone. Wiped from his hard drive, the stuff on flimsies and pads was boxed up. One of Kodos troops was there, told me Mitch had matters related to the colonies security when I asked could I see them, then he just took the files he was working on.” Leighton stopped and turned back to Kirk “I want to tell people but I don’t want either of us to wind like Mitch , J.T. We need to be sure and take it to the right people, give me some time to look a little closer at it.”

Kirk was silent for a few moments the gravity of the situation settling in, but reluctantly he nodded. “Okay.”

XXXX XXXX

Food was getting harder and harder to come by and people were becoming more and more desperate.  All the farm animals and private food stores had been rounded up by Kodos troops. The few supplies that people managed to hold onto were a closely guarded secret since even having an extra can of beans was counted as an act against the colony under the new supply requisition laws.

Food was passed out on a ration system and even then the likelihood of going home with an empty  belly was great if you were late to arrive.

They had been standing there since the early hours of the morning waiting for their share and it was getting to be early afternoon. “Hey, you sure you don’t want to go see your friends? I can stand in line by myself for a bit.”

Kirk glanced over to where his aunt was nodding to see Sami and some of his friends from school waving vigorously and gesturing to him to come over, but although he waved back he made no move to join them in the line a few feet away.

His aunt noticed. “What’s up you’ve been really quiet lately.”

Kirk shrugged, not meeting his aunts eyes. The secret he had was burning a hole in him it felt like. He wanted to tell but each time he would have Leighton had told him to wait, that they had to be sure.  Meanwhile things were slowly getting worse and worse. 

“I can tell something’s bothering you.”

“It’s nothing.”   He tried to turn away only to feel his aunt’s hands on his shoulder’s gently turning him around.

“Jim, sweetheart, I can read you just like my kids and something is wrong.”

“I’m fine.” Kirk mumbled and tried to turn away. His aunt wasn’t to be stopped, she truly could be stubborn at times when she had a cause.

“James T. Kirk, that lie doesn’t work with me.” She tilted his chin up making him look her in the eye. “You’ve been moping around all week. Is it school? Your friends?”

“No.” Kirk sighed.

Mari didn’t stop though. “Is it your girlfriend? Did you to have a fight or—“

“Carla is not my girlfriend!” Kirk rolled his eyes, but he could feel a blush spreading to his cheeks. He added, scuffing his shoe against the floor. “Not really.”

His aunt was smiling. “Really? Not really?” Mari chuckled at the sigh her response triggered and then said. “She’s a nice girl and from what Sami’s been telling me—“

Kirk snorted, he ignored the first part of the comment in favour of addressing the last. “Sami likes to gossip.” He ground out the word as he scuffed is shoe against the ground again. He took a deep breath considering...he had promised not to tell anybody until they had more evidence but his aunt and uncle would know what to do and hopefully believe him.

“Okay, I’ll tell you.” He hesitated  and glanced around. The other people lined up were too busy in their own conversations and impatiently waiting to bother overhearing what he was going to tell her. Still he lowered his voice anyway. “You know how after some of the food shipments got damaged they started spraying some special fertilizer that was supposed to increase crop yields?”

His aunt nodded, he could tell she was totally puzzled as to where he was going but trying to follow along. “So you’re worried about the food shortage? It’s—“

He shook his head cutting her off. “It’s not that. I took a sample of  what they were spraying back  to the lab where I work after school and –“

Kirk broke off as his aunt noticed something over his head and a fake smile broke out on her face.

One of Kodos soldiers was standing  mere meters away. It could have been a coincidence but the man’s eyes were directly on them.  The man watched them for another moment before moving away.  Kirk swallowed, his throat suddenly dry.

His aunt tried to pick up the thread of conversation. “So you were saying something about the lab.”

Kirk shrugged, swallowing down what he really wanted to say. “It’s nothing.”

Mari frowned “Jim what is it?”

“Nothing.”

“You’re upset and I can tell it’s not nothing.” She continued talking trying to get more from him, but Kirk fell silent and eventually she let it drop.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's next chap, sorry for being late. RL is busy .For those of you who are head scratching and like....I know this. Yep, I told you I have a several verse's in my head and stories are linked.

>  
> 
> **Confidential Comm to Governor Kodos (Encrypted)**
> 
> **Janus Project Phase (I)**
> 
>           The subjects appears to be acclimating to their new personalities within expected parameters. Subjects below the age of 16 are more susceptible to personality integration compared to the older subjects. There is a notable exception, subject A4781, whose secondary consciousness has been given the ID James, appears to be in considerable conflict with his primary consciousness.
> 
>           Increased resistance to personality integration correlate with more a stable secondary consciousness. Recommendations are increased frequency of telepathic melding with subject and rigorous training of secondary personality as well as induced telepathic fatigue of primary to decrease resistance. Additionally in the process of probing, Su’ lak has discovered subject A4781 primary consciousness is aware of primary plans for Tarsus IV’s primary extinction. It is unclear whether this is due to a bleed over from his secondary consciousness or independent investigation of the primary consciousness. Further follow up necessary.
> 
>           If the above methods fail to achieve objective, recommendations are for termination of subject A4781 and selection of replacement primary candidate for command in phase III.
> 
>          

XXXX XXXX

 "Tommy we—“

Kirk broke off as he glanced around the lab to find it deserted . Leighton was always there at this time of day, so his absence itself was beyond strange, but even odder was the state of the lab. It was clean...too clean. The hastily stacked data Padds, racks of plant samples, and other detritus that usually populated the landscape was nowhere in sight.

Instead, laid out before him was expanse after expanse of tidily cleaned counters dotted with the occasional lab equipment but not much else.

A clatter sounded behind him and then somebody swore. “Damn it!

Kirk twisted around to find a man he vaguely recognised as one of the university maintenance  staff kneeling to pick up a stack of data Padds that had scattered across the floor.

“What are you doing?”

The man glanced up irritably. “What does it look like I’m doing kid?”

Kirk moved closer. ”Where is everything? “

“All I know is I’m supposed to have this lab’s contents packed and shipped. The guy who was working here got transferred to another project or something like that.”  The cleaner shrugged appearing unconcerned.

Anxiety bubbled in his gut as he considered the implications of what the man had said. It might have been just a coincidence that Leighton had been transferred, maybe they had other uses for the relatively small lab. But then again it made no sense of someone to be interested enough in a comparatively mediocre botany student’s research when there were at least a few tens of other scientists with more interesting and advanced studies.

“Do you know who took him? His name’s Thomas Leighton.”

“Don’t know and don’t care. “ The man  was too quick with his reply and didn’t glance up as he gathered all the data Padds and was stacking them in a crate.

Kirk attempted to grab one of the Padds from the crate then stopped as he noted that it was just an encyclopaedia of cellular structures.  The maintenance man snatched the crate from his reach as he let the Padd fall back into the box. “Look Kid, I got work to do.” He started to walk off but Kirk caught his elbow. 

“Please, he’s my friend.”

The man glanced up and stared at him for a long moment and his faces softened slightly. He glanced around taking long note of the empty classroom before replying in a rough whisper. “Forget him that’s my advice. I don’t know for sure but I can guess who gave the order for this lab to be cleared, the word is he’s working at that compound outside of town…researching the cause of the famine”

XXXX XXXX

Nobody else would give much more information. All the workers, students and teachers Kirk happened to ask either knew nothing or pretended not to. It was easy to tell by the hushed tones and averted gazes that Leighton’s disappearance wasn’t as innocuous as everyone wanted to act like it was.

The next day during his physics class at the university he was called out of class.

“James T Kirk , could you come with me please.”  A woman  he recognised as an administrative assistant stood in the classroom doorway.  Slowly, he gathered his school supplies and walked out feeling the rest of the students watching him. 

The woman was smiling but the expression didn’t reach her eyes.  “He’ll take you where you need to go.” She nodded to her left and Kirk was surprised to find a soldier outfitted in the grey uniform of Kodos’ troops waiting to escort him.  The woman scurried off looking relieved. And Kirk was left with apprehension welling up as he knew why the man was there.

 Kirk tried to swallow back the fear but his voice came out sounding higher than usual. “Where are we going.”

The man didn’t answer and finally Kirk gave up asking. He briefly considered running, but to where? It wasn’t like the man couldn’t catch him, the colony was only so big and Kodos controlled almost every inch.  There was an air skimmer waiting outside and Kirk knew that he didn’t have a choice as to whether he got in or not.

He shouldn’t have asked about Leighton . He shouldn’t have gathered a sample of the fertilizer, he shouldn’t have asked his friend to help him analyze it...a host of things he could have done differently flashed through his mind as buildings whizzed by. He remembered the recent and frequent arrests, the edicts that Kodos had issues, Leighton’s caution about what had happened to Mitchell Beaver and with each thought his stomach sank a little further.

By the time they had reached their destination, Kirk’s shirt was sticking to his back and he felt vaguely nauseated.  They were at the town hall. A few people glanced at him curiously , no doubt wondering why a child was being marched through by a soldier. But everybody recognised the uniform and wisely didn’t voice their questions.

The solider stepped aside and opened the door. Kirk didn’t move forward, his feet felt rooted to the floor. A sharp jab in his back made him stumble a step and then he righted himself and walked in.

A man was standing silhouetted against a window with his back to the door. He spoke without turning around. “Hello James.”

Kirk recognised the voice from countless announcements and the time they had met at the fair. He knew it was Kodos even before the man even faced him.

Kodos stared at him impassively before sitting down behind his desk and gesturing for Kirk to sit in the chair on the other side.  “You’re probably wondering why you’re here.”

Kirk didn’t speak. His throat felt too dry and his hands were trembling. The hard chair dug into his back uncomfortably.  He glanced down staring at the desk in front of him and glimpsed a Padd with the header ‘Confidential Comm to Governor Kodos (Encrypted)’ before Kodos had swept it to a corner.

Kirk looked back up, trying to keep his face neutral.

“I’ve been monitoring your progress and I’m pleased with how well you’re doing with our program.” Kodos steepled his fingers and leaned forward. “ You’re exceptionally bright. But therein lies the problem. It’s come to my attention that you were working as a research assistant with Thomas Leighton.”

It was pointless to deny it so Kirk nodded gripping his hands tightly to slow their trembling.

“What projects were you helping him with?”

He thought fast... Kodos has taken Leighton in and all his research. And now he had Kirk who had been his research assistant in. He could make the excuse that he was trying to find a cure for the famine but if he was doing so why hadn’t he just come out and said that instead of doing everything so secretively. Kirk wasn’t sure if the cleaning man was right about where Leighton had been taken but he was almost positive now that Kodos was involved and wherever Leighton had gone wasn’t good.

He forced himself to be nonchalant as he shrugged. “Just some stuff. It was kinda of boring.”

Kodos was watching him closely and Kirk wanted to look away from the scrutiny  but he knew that would be suspicious so he made himself hold the man’s gaze.

“I see.” Kodos shifted some Padds on his desk and then asked carefully. “Did he mention any work he was doing on the cause of the crop die off?”

The words came out to fast. “Nope, nothing.” Kodos was watching him strangely and Kirk added . “I didn’t really pay attention...the only reason I was stuck in that lab was because I got in a fight at school so they made me help out there for a few semesters.”

Kodos nodded , satisfied at the explanation. He gave what Kirk guessed he thought was an warm smile, instead it was just creepy. “Well , I wanted to see you because I heard you were asking around the school about where Leighton was.”

“I just was worried, I hadn’t seen him in a while.”

“He’s fine. I heard he was working on a cause for the crop deaths and his grades are impeccable. I offered him a chance to come work with some of the others scientists out at my facility and he jumped at the chance. I’m afraid with this sort of thing time is of the essence so he didn’t have time to let everyone know he was leaving his post at the university.”

Kirk knew it was a lie , Leighton would never have voluntarily left without saying anything and he definitely wouldn’t have gone off with Kodos like that.  Kirk tried to keep his face neutral but some of his disbelief must have showed.

Kodos smiled but this time his eyes were steely. “How about I let you speak to him.”

Numbly Kirk nodded fighting to make his expression natural.

Kodos got up and moved a short distance away. Most of his words were too low to hear but Kirk didn’t miss the irritation that flashed across Kodos face as he turned around and replaced the comm in his pocket.

“There he’ll be on in a few minutes. He’s got some things to wrap up in our labs first.” What don’t you tell me some things about yourself. I’m always interested to know more about our colonists.”

The next minutes passed uncomfortably as Kirk felt forced to answer Kodos probing questions and he was grateful when Leighton appeared on a Holo screen. He was smiling but looked tired. His right cheek was slightly bruised and his hair was tangled and scattered.

“Hey James.”

“Hey.” Kirk willed his voice to be steady but his red flags were already going up. Leighton never called him James.

Kodos entered the conversation. “I called because your friend here was worried about you. I figured a comm would reassure him then maybe I won’t have to bring him by for a visit.” It may have sounded like a joke but the air was too tense for it to be real.

A brief flash of fear crossed Leighton’s face so quick Kirk thought he might have imagined it. Leighton glanced at someone off screen and then gave another smile that didn’t reach his eyes. “Nothing to worry about. It’s really great here. The lab is amazing James everything I could have ever wanted, they’ve got practically state of the art equipment...” Leighton waxed poetic about the virtues of Kodos facility and the work he was involved in until Kirk had almost started to relax and think he had everything wrong. Kodos had smiled at him during one point with an air of one shaking their head at a paranoid child and Kirk was feeling foolish the more Leighton talked.

Until his friend finished. “...getting the chance to work here ...it’s the same as if somebody told you would have a never- ending shuttle ride.”

It took him a moment to find his voice and he was proud he managed to reply. “That great huh?” Inside he felt sick.

“Yep, that great.”  Leighton glanced off screen again and then looked back. His words were rushed. “Hey listen I got to get back to work...but back at my dorm I left my Venus flytrap and it was still alive, I’m pretty sure my roommate will let it die and it’s really rare. Would you mind taking care of it for me?”

“Uh, yeah , sure.”

“Thanks , I owe you.”

The conversation ended leaving Kirk feeling dazed. Leighton knew he hated shuttles. He had teased him on more than one occasion after that shuttle ride they had shared to Tarsus. Leighton’s message was loud and clear.  Leighton wasn’t having fun at Kodos compound and he wasn’t there of his own free will.   The last apart of the conversation had been odd too. In light of what he now knew it was weird that Leighton would be concerned about his plant dying with everything else that was happening.

“So you see your friend is fine.” Kodos voice jolted Kirk from his reverie.

Kirk nodded, unable to afraid that if he spoke he would betray what he knew in his voice.

Kodos smiled wider. “There’s no reason to continue going around the colony riling things up and asking questions that will have people worried.” He leaned closer. “You understand I’m in a very difficult position James.”

It felt like a ball was in his throat, but Kirk managed to say. “Yes, sir.”

“This colony is undergoing a very difficult time and to have people going around making trouble will only add to the difficulties...So if you have any more concerns I want you to know you can bring them to me . “

“Yes sir.”

“I’ve read your track record and you’ve been quite the busy young man both on earth and here. I’d hate to see something happen to you because you got into the wrong kind of trouble.”

Kirk didn’t need to see Kodos eyes to know the implied threat in the man’s words.

“Go on back class now.”

It took all his willpower not to run out the office. Once he left the guard waiting outside offered him a ride back to class , but Kirk quickly shook his head and declined the offer.

Once outside he set off  walking. He wasn’t paying attention at first and by the time he pulled his head out of his thoughts to pay attention to his direction he was already headed  towards the university. He ran over what Leighton had said once again and knew he had to tell somebody. But first he needed proof and if his hunch was right then Leighton must have managed to hide proof away before he was kidnapped.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hinawari, I wrote a little something for you XD, thanks for the idea :)

Leighton’s former dorm room was locked, but it was old fashioned lock...very old. Yet another example of how people on Tarsus may have had technology more advanced than even some in the core Federation planets and yet still chose to live several centuries back. Sometimes it was an annoyance and some days it was quaint, now though Kirk was grateful for the anachronism.

 After a minute of jiggling with a pick and a tension hook the metal clicked open and Kirk slipped inside the room after checking the hallway was clear. The room was a typical dorm room, clothes, food packages, and Padds littered the floor. One side of the room had a rumpled bunk. The other side had a  bunk that was stripped bar,  even the mattress was gone. Kirk guessed that one was Leighton’s. A quick glance across the room showed that any of Leighton’s other possessions had been removed, all the Padds belong to whoever the other occupant of the room was. The only apparent possession left of Leighton’s was a  potted Venus fly-trap sitting on a table in the corner.

Kirk guessed that when whoever had taken Leighton’s stuff had been there they had failed to either notice that the plant was Leighton’s or more likely had decided it wasn’t important to bring along.

It was on its last legs as whatever disease was affecting the other plants was slowly attacking this one too. Kirk grabbed the pot examining it for the reason Leighton had wanted him to take it.  The plastic vessel was unremarkable and Kirk was wondering if he had it wrong when he noted  something sitting on one of the petals of the Venus Fly trap. It was obviously a bug and Kirk started to set the pot back down, until something registered. Frowning, Kirk leaned closer.

Venus Fly Traps, were a carnivorous Terran plant. That in and of itself was odd, since such plants weren’t typical on Earth, but what made them even stranger was there method of attracting flies and other bugs and then snapping there two petals shut and digesting their prey…This plant had a bug sitting right on its petal and was wide open.

Kirk, held his breath and reached out a finger. The bug appeared to be a fly, and yet when he touched it, his fingers ghosting over wings, it didn’t move. The plant tried to snap shut but Kirk held his finger in place keeping it open…something was off.

The fly was slightly larger than normal and Kirk grabbed it holding it gently between his thumb and forefinger. It was also heavy and not soft like one would have expected.

It wasn’t a fly.

Kirk nearly dropped the thing, as one of his fingers pushed against something on the fake bug. There was a click then, it made a whirring sound and the head twisted off, revealing a tiny compartment. And inside the compartment was an even smaller Isolinear chip. It was barely the size of his pinky, but as Kirk held the plastic between his fingers, he knew what was on it.

This was what Leighton had been kidnapped for. What people had died for. Proof, of what Kodos was doing.

His hands trembled as he slid the chip into his pocket along with the fake bug. He had to tell people…but if he did, who knew what would happen. He held the fate of thousands, in his back pocket. The answers that would bring Kodos down, and change everything.

The had truth…years later Kirk would look back and wish he had never found it.

He had been just a kid. Terrified of what would happen of not only to him but to everyone he loved. It was too big a secret to hold, too great a knowledge to know and he had made a choice.

The wrong choice.

Thousands dead because of one wrong choice.

XXXX XXXX

They had a school field trip that week . It was at Kodos compound. He had allowed students to tour the facility where the research labs were housed in which the cure for the plague was supposedly being developed.  His uncle had called it a publicity stunt to foster good will with the public and privately Kirk thought his uncle was right. But he was still eager to go, his whole class and another class were going which meant over forty students for four chaperones. Hopefully, he would have an opportunity to sneak away from the main group and find Leighton.

He wasn’t sure what that would accomplish but at the very least he could at least make sure he was okay....and still alive. He didn’t like to think like that but it was becoming more and more clear that Kodos didn’t have any qualms about destroying people who stood in the way of his plan...whatever that plan was.

Leighton seemed to have come to a conclusion before he was taken and from what Kirk could make out the massive attrition of virtually every plant life on Tarsus wasn’t a horrible accident, it was very deliberate. Kirk couldn’t begin to figure out what Kodos would  gain if he was the one behind it...but if he wasn’t then who was.

He wanted to tell his aunt and uncle but at the same time he was afraid. For himself, for them...People had disappeared even more recently and they hadn’t came back. One of his science teachers had been “jailed” for publicly encouraging dissension which was the charge they used when her only real crime was publicly stating that the colonists needed to elect a new leader. A shop keeper had turned up dead from natural causes at the age of 28 only a day after protesting the new ration law.

There were whispers and  the occasional comm but everybody seemed afraid to do anything more. And Kirk to his shame was one of those people. It wasn’t for himself but more for his family...if his uncle found out he was sure that he wouldn’t back down...and nowadays that kind of stubbornness only seemed to get you jailed or worse. So Kirk had take the data chip and hidden it.

 Kodos’ compound was packed with guards and staff. Kirk didn’t like the closed in feel and maybe it was his imagination but he felt like Kodos troops watching him. Maybe he was  just paranoid but he couldn’t concentrate on the tour as he forced himself not  notice the weapons the soldiers were holding or the number of them following the group of school kids.

It wasn’t only the soldiers that made Kirk feel weird, but it was also a weird Déjà vu’ sensation that he had been there before. They were walking past labs and offices that he was sure he had never been to before. And yet, they seemed so familiar, it was unnerving.

They had been there for over an hour before he finally got a chance to get away. The lower levels of the compound had been carved into the bedrock of Tarsus. Walkways spanned over open areas and below crops hung in some sort of hydroponics suspension field.

 Some of the kids was leaning against the forcefield railing and the opportunity was too good to miss. Kirk slipped a mini Padd from his pocket and within seconds had found the frequency of the field from there it was easy to craft a dispersal frequency. He spared only a moment of regret as the field abruptly gave way and several children pitched forward tumbling the few down into the hydromix. They wouldn’t drown the water was too shallow for that but it would provide the distraction he needed.

Teachers and soldiers rushed forward trying to rescue the flailing children and Kirk used the commotion to slip away. He thought he had gotten away cleanly and leaned back against a wall to get his bearings when a voice sounded startling him. “Where are you going J.T.?”

He turned at the whisper to find Sami had followed him. “What the hell are _you_ doing?” Kirk asked irritably ignoring her question.

In typical Sami fashion she jutted her chin out and crossed her arms. “I asked first and you’re the one who left the group.”

“Yeah, well you did too.”

“Because I wanted to see where you were going.”

Kirk stated to reply then stopped he didn’t have time for this if Sami went back now somebody would probably notice and then they might realise he was gone too. “Fine. Just be quiet and follow me.”

That worked for all of two minutes then Sami was whispering in his ear as they waited around a corner for a guard to walk past so they could continue. “So where are we going?”

Kirk whispered back, knowing that she wouldn’t stop until he did. “I don’t know exactly but a lot of the main labs are below ground...”

“What’s in the main labs?”

Kirk didn’t answer at first instead he quickly jog down the now empty corridor trying to find either stairs or a lift to the lower levels. The  building plans in town hall, Kirk had hacked, hadn’t been the most detailed and in real life Kodos seemed to have taken some license in the actually structure.

“Not what…who.”

“We’re looking for a person?”

“Yeah.” 

“Why are—“

Just then a door slammed above and Kirk and Sami both froze as they heard footsteps on the stairs above them. 

Voices sounded out.  One was a male voice. “Two kids are missing from that school group, Kodos wants them found before they stumble into something more important than our hydroponics bays.”

A vaguely female voice answered next. “I knew it was a bad idea letting the colonists in here. Who cares about putting the public at ease, when in a few months they’re all going to be gone.”

Kirk felt his breath quicken at the woman’s words. _Did she mean that Starfleet was coming to rescue them or something else?_ In any case something was telling him it wasn’t a good idea to be found.   The soldiers above them were getting closer plus Kirk could hear the sound of someone walking up from the lower staircase. It would only be a few moments and then they would be caught. They might think Sami had just gotten wandered off but Kirk doubted Kodos would believe it about him.

They had no choice the next door they came to they slipped out. The corridor they emerged into was dark and the walls were greyish rock. The whole place looked like it had been carved directly into the bedrock of Tarsus.  In the distance Kirk could hear some kind of machinery and shouting. There was also some sort of noise he couldn’t place that sounded really familiar.

Somebody else was coming from ahead. It sounded like several people arguing. There was nowhere to hide but an access panel.

“Quick.” Kirk pried the cover off and all but pushed Sami in before following himself. It was tricky to fit the cover back on from the inside but after a few seconds he managed.

“J.T. look!” Kirk turned as he heard Sami whisper and found that past the wires and conduits crowding their hiding space it end in a small ledge and there was a view of the cavern below. Sami crawled out heedless of the at least twenty foot drop  and stared down at some in awe. “Whoa...”

“What is—“ He broke off as he got nearer and saw what she saw. Below them was a gigantic hangar. It stretched into the distance so far that he couldn’t even see the end. Hundreds of people were moving below and  metal beams and platforms stretched far up. The floor  of the cavern was at least a good forty feet below them, probably more. It was enough to fit a sky scraper in or...a few Starships.

He recognised why the noise had sounded familiar. It was the same as what he usually heard back in Iowa at the Riverside Ship docks. Half built, skeletal structures, crawling with people filled the cavern. The noise of tools and people shouting floated up to where they were. Sami whispered. “Are those Starships?”

“Yeah...” It didn’t make sense...None of it made sense. Kodos was obviously building them but why in secret. How did secret Starships being built and the plants dying across an entire planet fit together? What was the endgame?

They watched for a few more minutes before Kirk pulled himself away. It was growing late and the longer they stayed away from the group the more likely they would be caught.

“Come on.”

They emerged back into the main corridor and set off. Sami as always was full of questions. Thankfully, at least she was whispering. “Did you see all those ships J.T.? I never saw a Starship being built before. Jake said he would take me but he’s busy and stuff so we haven’t gone yet. But when—“

Kirk frowned and turned to her as she continued telling him what her and her brother would do. “Sami you can’t tell anybody.”

“Why?”

He couldn’t tell Sami all he had found out from the contaminated fertilizer to Leighton being kidnapped...all it would do was put her in danger. He stopped and put his hands on her shoulders staring her directly in the eyes. “Because you just can’t...Please Sami don’t tell anyone.”

She looked like she would refuse but then sighed. “Okay J.T. ...” They started walking and then she added. “But it would have been—“

“Shhh.” Kirk shushed her as he heard voices nearing. His heart was hammering in his chest, had someone seen them?

He was looking around for some corner they could duck into but there wasn’t anything but a shallow recess in the wall which they would still be visible to anyone when they walked by. Plus the corridor was too long to hide around a convenient corner. They were going to be caught.

He was startled from his thoughts when Sami whispered. “You know we don’t have to hide.”

“What?”

She rolled her eyes. “Seriously, watch this... works every time.” She ripped her baseball cap of her head and shoved it in her pocket, then rubbed her eyes and started sniffling.

Before he could stop her, she slipped around the corner directly into the path of a soldier.  The man didn’t notice her at first and when he did he turned . “What are you doing here? This is a restricted area.”

Kirk peeked out and watched  as Sami pulled her hand away from her eyes to reveal large tears streaking down her cheeks . Her voice was even trembling when she answered. “I went to the bathroom, and when I came out everybody was gone . I tried to find them and now I’m lost.”

She burst into a big sob, more tears falling down her cheeks. And if Kirk didn’t know her whole act was bullshit he would have actually felt sorry for her. She looked about a year or two younger with her face contorted in an expression of fake misery. “It’s scary down here.”

The man was staring at her uncomfortably, obviously not knowing how to handle a crying kid. He was so uncomfortable that apparently he wasn’t even stopping to consider just how much her story didn’t make sense. It was unfeasible that she had come this far (at least several stories down) in search of her school group, and it certainly make sense she had manged to go through several keypad locked doors

“Okay, don’t cry...It’ll be okay, we’ll find your teacher.” The solider crouched down. “What’s your name?”

“Samantha.”

“I’m Patrick.”

“Do you think my teacher will be mad?”

“Nope, and if she is we’ll have the governor sign a law that no one is allowed to be mad at a pretty little girl like you.” He smiled and Sami gave the fakest giggle that he had probably ever heard. Kirk rolled his eyes.

The solider stood up and took her hand and Kirk nearly laughed himself when Sami briefly looked around and winked at him mouthing ‘told you’.

He had to admit that was a pretty cool, but what worked for a freckled face little girl who had the acting skills of someone far older he doubted would for an almost teenage male who was known as one of the colonies biggest trouble makers.

It was only a minute or two after Sami had left that he was caught. “There you are.”

Kirk twisted around to find the worst possible person staring directly at him.

It was Kodos.  He knew it was pointless to run but he desperately wanted to do so as the man walked closer staring at him like he was an insect.

“We’ve been looking all over the place for you.”

“I got lost.” Even to Kirk the lie sounded weak.

“Really?”

“Yeah.”

“Because we have pictures of you on surveillance...”

Kirk thought fast. He hadn’t noticed any cameras, but that didn’t necessarily mean anything. Cameras could be made so small now that they were virtually undetectable. But then again if Kodos had seen them then why hadn’t the soldiers found them instead of having to search.

He opted not to say anything. Kodos spoke again. “You and that little friend of yours were wandering around here like you were looking for something.”

Kirk’s mouth felt dry but he forced himself to answer. “We were just trying to find everyone else.”

“How did you get separated from them in the first place?”

“I left to go to the toilet and when I came back everybody was gone.”

Kodos stopped and turned to him his eyes boring into Kirk’s. “Are you sure that’s what you want to tell me? Are you sure you weren’t looking for something else.” He put a hand on Kirk’s shoulder digging his fingers in painfully. “Maybe you’re lying to me...maybe you were looking into something you had no business seeing.”

“N-no”

Kodos stared at him for a moment longer than released his shoulder and resumed walking. It took Kirk a moment to follow suit. He was sure Kodos  either knew for sure or definitely suspected that he had seen the ships.

Kodos was speaking again and while his tone was light the choice of his words told it all. “You’re a curious young man, nothing wrong with that. But you must understand, what I do is for the good of this colony, even the good of the Federation...” he interlaced his fingers and glanced down his expression warm even if his eyes were cold. “You and many of the others have so much potential. You can be part of the future James. But I need you to trust me  and I need you to not interfere...things can get very... _complicated..._ if you do...Things are very precarious with this colony now and I have to make choices that other people may one day look back and say were wrong... but others will know that were needed.”

Kirk nodded trying to keep his face neutral.

Kodos smiled coldly and said. “ but right now somebody going around meddling in what they don’t understand can cause a lot of harm. You think you know everything James, you think you have the answers?”

Kirk’s mouth was dry as he said. “No, sir.”

Kodos ignored the comment as he continued on. “Your friend Leighton thought the same thing, and he found out how wrong he was.”

Kirk stared at Kodos and the man stared back. What had he meant by that? What had happened to Leighton? Before he could stop himself, Kirk blurted out. “Can I see him? What did you mean how wrong—“

He was cut off as the hint of a smile flitted across Kodos lips and he resumed walking. “your friend was so sure in what he knew. After seeing the work we have done here, he’s had to _re-examine_ his findings. A fool thinks he is wise, but a wise man know’s himself to be a fool.  You have a role to play, James, just not the one you think.”

“Yes, sir.” Kirk said the words for want of anything else. Kodos seemed satisfied as he continued.

“I’m sure you don’t want to be responsible for me having to do something drastic...Do you know one agitator can cause a riot that can kills hundreds, even thousands...possibly even start a war...It’s  my job as a leader to not let that happen...We are on the brink of greatness James and nothing and no one will stand in my way, do you understand.”

 Kirk was feeling sick and couldn’t bring himself to meet Kodos eyes.  He stared at the ground as he mumbled “Yes, sir.”

He didn’t even realise  they had walked so far until Kodos said. “there’s you classmates.”

Kirk hurried to them grateful to get away from the man even if he was going to probably get in trouble with his teacher.  She was already glaring at him as she turned exasperatedly to Kodos. “Thank you so much Governor for finding him. “

“It was my pleasure James is a very interesting young man...I enjoyed our little conversation.”  His eyes glinted with some unidentifiable emotion as he added. “And I think he’ll remember it too.”

The threat was unrecognised by the rest of them but Kirk heard clearly what Kodos was trying to imply, but at the same time he knew that whatever was going on had long grown past the point where it was even advisable to keep quiet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The quote Kodos said " A fool thinks he is wise, but a wise man know’s himself to be a fool. " is from Act 5 Scene 1 of "As You Like It" A play by Shakespeare. I have the head-canon that Kodos was obsessed with Shakespeare.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> RL has been very busy. But finally I'm off school for a week, so here's a chapter. I'll try to post a second one before the week is out.

“Jimmy do you know what you’re saying?” Mari waved a hand like she could encompass all that she had been told and banish it away. “That makes no sense...No sense what so ever.”

It had never occurred to him that they wouldn’t believe him. After agonising the whole way home and deciding to tell them all he hadn’t for once considered that they wouldn’t believe the truth.

“It’s true. Kodos kidnapped Leighton because he must have found out that we know the he’s the one killing off the crops.  There’s proof on the chip.”

“Your friend may have found a plague was being caused by a virus or fungi or whatever it is  but that doesn’t mean that Kodos caused it. Listen to yourself James! This sounds...”

“Mari!” His uncle spoke louder as she continued talking. “Mari, calm down!...Let him talk.”

His aunt was right. There was data on the chip about the pathogen they had found infecting the plants but nothing to directly connect it to Kodos.  But Kirk knew it wasn’t a coincidence that Leighton had been kidnapped before he could expose the truth. Plus why else would Kodos have called him out of class and threatened him if he didn’t have something to hide.

“I’m not lying! The crops are dying...all the plants are. Food’s confiscated, Kodos took Tommy, nobody can get off planet. But he’s got Starships he’s building under that compound.  We’re at his mercy...” His aunt and uncle were still staring at him. He could see disbelief in his aunt’s face but his uncle’s was inscrutable.  All he could think of was the withered fields outside and the cold mealy taste of barely enough rations in his mouth. He wanted them to believe him...he needed them to believe him. “Please, I’m not lying. Something bad is going to happen. Something really bad if nobody does anything.”

He felt tears pricking his eyes and tightened his jaw blinking them back. His aunt stared at him then turned away her face almost angry and then he realised something. It wasn’t that she didn’t believe him...it was that she didn’t _want_  to believe him.

His uncle wasn’t much better, but at least he somewhat believed him. “You may be right Jim, but I think some things you have wrong. This—. “

“I’m not lying!” Kirk yelled cutting off his uncle.

“Jim nobody is saying you’re lying.  I think you saw everything you thought you did and Kodos is up to something. But everything isn’t adding up. Maybe he’s building vessels but I doubt they’re for leaving the atmosphere...we’re stuck on this planet for several more months...more likely they could be for transporting the colony. I heard the northern part of this continent hasn’t been affected as badly by this virus or whatever it is.”

He continued as Kirk tried to answer. “I don’t like him taking in people anymore  than the rest of us. The man’s a dictator and I’ve said it again and again, but when stuff happens people are more likely to act up. He’s going too far but he’s also managing to keep order and that’s something a lot of leaders wouldn’t be able to in a situation like this.”

Kirk sat back, his blood felt cold. His uncle was speaking in calm rational tone like he was talking to a kid...Nobody seemed to get...it didn’t matter whether he was a kid or not, he was still telling the truth.

“And lastly Jim, there’s a lot more reasonable reasons for why he hasn’t told people about this virus. If they knew they would panic...history shows us that time and time again. He already has scientists working on it. It makes sense to stock up on food and supplies but you need to let the rest go Jim. Starting a riot by alarming people isn’t going to help anyone and—“

He had heard enough. His uncle was still talking when he walked away. Kirk got the context of the discussion. It was the same one he had been hearing for years from his mother, his teachers, pretty much every single person in his life.

_We  believe you but not really._

Only this time it wasn’t only about Frank, or the kids at school...this time it was about everyone in the colony.

XXXX XXXX

His aunt still wanted to believe everything was okay.  Even the extra food his uncle had managed to stash away from black market transactions was met with her disapproval. Every time he tried to mention what was going on his uncle would listen but afterwards explain why he had it all wrong. And his aunt refused to even listen. His cousins were likewise divided. Mark had no idea what was going on. But Roger even though he was nice about it seemed to think he was full of crap and as he said “you’ve got too much of an imagination J.T.”

Lucy listened intently but seemed to be on the same realm of sceptical half belief like her father.

 His uncle refused to tell anyone what else was going on and had taken him aside and made him promise to do the same. It was easy to talk about not causing trouble for the colony. But what nobody seemed to realise was that the colony was already in trouble. Kirk didn’t know exactly what Kodos was planning but the cold look in his eyes made Kirk not want to find out.

He wasn’t trying to be a hero...but he everyone deserved to know...everyone needed to know. It was easy to hack into the communication grid and upload the information he had. Within a day, the whole colony knew about what he had found through anonymous comm message sent over the emergency alert system. Kodos called the act an attempt to cause panic and chaos.  The night after the anonymous transmission the governor  sent out a holo transmission and issued a statement, he brushed over the mention of ships being built in his compound claiming he had a hangar where he restored vintage models...and gave a dismissal of the similar accusations regarding the cause of the famine.

  
_“Some of the finest minds in this colony are working on a cure. It may have come to your attention that various scientists have been brought to my research facility . As soon as the cause of this famine was found we decided on these measures to bring an end to this plague as soon as possible. The public was not informed to prevent undue chaos and panic. Whoever has released the information regarding this pathogen is doing so as a deliberate act of terrorism and may even be the individual responsible for this catastrophe . Rest assured that the perpetrator of this heinous act of terrorism will be found and dealt with severely. “_

Kirk knew he was being stupid but he felt like Kodos was staring directly at him through the Holo screen. Behind him he could feel the eyes of his aunt and uncle.

Mari started to ask. “Jim did you....?” She didn’t even need to finish.

Kirk turned around the lie burning in his mouth as his cousins watched him curiously. “No.”

It didn’t matter that he lied to his aunt...that didn’t stop what happened a few hours later.

XXXX XXXX

He was lying in bed his stomach churning from wondering what would happen. Kodos had to know it was him...he had to know. Horrible visions of what would happen to him flashed through his mind.

It wasn’t him they came for though. He had fallen into a fitful sleep when a banging noise and yelling woke him up. The sound came again and then a shouted. “Open the door, colony police.”

Kirk raced out of bed, not waiting for his tousled hair cousin to follow. He got downstairs in time to see his uncle opening the door. Soldiers barged in.

One grabbed his uncle pulling his hands behind his back before he could resist and clamping restraints on his wrists. “David Edward Kirk you are under hereby placed under arrest. You...”

The rest of the words were drowned out. Lucy and Mark were crying somewhere behind him. Mari was yelling and begging to know what was going on. His uncle was swearing and straining against the soldiers holding him. As Kirk watched Roger darted in as one of the soldiers hit his father in the stomach with a rifle butt forcing the older man to his knees.

The soldier just as casually knocked Roger back when his cousin got in the way. The boy landed on his back hitting his head hard against the ground.

“Why? Why are you doing this?” His aunt screamed. None of the soldiers answered as they manhandled his uncle out. Instead somebody else stepped into the house, it was a solider and outside in the background, Kirk recognised stared at Kodos. “I’m very sorry but we have reason to suspect he is guilty of attempting to start a riot and other acts of terrorism.” He was speaking to Mari but Kodos’ eyes were for Jim only. They were cold and knowing.

“But—what, I don’t understand.”

“There was a comm made, Mrs. Kirk...from your house, which we’ve linked back to the anonymous transmission alleging governor Kodos committed acts against this colony.”

Then the soldier left. Mari turned to stare at him, but  Kirk ran past. He was just in time to see them shove his uncle in the back of a military transport.

Kodos was about to enter his vehicle but Kirk called out over the sound of the engines starting up.  “He didn’t do it...you know it wasn’t him!”

Kirk thought the man wouldn’t bother to answer  however Kodos turned around and slowly walked closer until he was standing only a meter away.

“So do you want to tell me who it was?”

Kirk felt his mouth go dry but forced himself to answer. “It was me.”

“I know… You can’t seem to leave things alone—“

Kirk cut him off. “So take me , I’m the one who did  it.”

“Ever the martyr, aren’t we James. Always willing to sacrifice to sacrifice yourself…but for the wrong cause. You need to learn a lesson  and that lesson is your actions have consequences and if you continue they will only hurt more people. You can’t save everyone…and these aren’t your people to save anyway.”

“People are going to realise what you’re—“

“You’d better hope they don’t. I’m not cruel James, but force my hand and your uncle will be only the start. There’s no way you can win here James. I control this game…and the revolution has already started.”

Kirk didn’t speak. Instead he watched  as Kodos walked away the vehicles take off. He stood there long after the dust had died down and all that was left was the wind.

Kodos words echoed in his ears… _The revolution has already started._


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New chapter! I finally got around to digging through my flash drive and tugging the chapters out lol

Things got worse...much worse.

Food was becoming even more scare and whether it was from decreased distribution or just stores running low was hard to tell. But what was obvious was colonists were increasingly desperate and Kodos was making use of the controlled panic to further his agenda.

The tattoos came next, the official reason was ensuring that supplies were distributed fairly.  The barcodes and numbers had no official ordering though it was all random...but Kirk noticed a pattern. Females all had the same fifth digit, the second bar had something to do with age if his guess was right and the rest of the numbers and the barcode above he was willing to bet all corresponded to something too. Kirk kept his observations to himself. His aunt’s lips were pressed thin and her face was tight as she held the baby in one arm and had Mark’s hand with the other. Mari hadn’t said as much but it was obvious she blamed him for what had happened. As far as he could tell, his younger cousins seemed to think that he was the reason why their father had been taken away and maybe he imagined they were avoiding him but he kept his distance.

His uncle was gone. After that night, when Kodos’ soldiers had carted him away, they hadn’t seen or heard from him again. Days passed with rumors of what had happened as scared colonists used their imagination to provide news that they couldn’t get from legitimate sources.

Kirk stepped forward barring his shoulder, like the others had before him.  A quick scan of his irises and a DNA sample confirmed his identity. Then a soldier grabbed his arm holding him still as the tattoo was lasered on his skin.  The nanoparticles making up the lines and bars itched and burned. “Next.” The official pushed him forward with barely a glance and grabbed the next person in line. Kirk moved to stand with his aunt as they waited for Lucy and Mark to get their barcodes.

If he craned his head he could just make out the black bars and numbers.  Around him others tattoos stood out against their skin.  He had taken an advanced Terran history back in Iowa and as much as he tried not to remember it another time stood out just like this one. WWII on Earth, prisoners had been tattooed at Auschwitz. And that depersonalization was just the tip of the iceberg for a start to a widespread slaughter.

It was in this case too, only it was voluntary....or so Kodos had people believe.

XXXX XXXX

Kirk got home from school with an ache in the pit of his stomach. Lunch had been a slice of bread and breakfast at home hadn’t been anything. Food was getting really low and his aunt was trying to keep the little food they had as long as possible.

So dinner was the one meal they all had and  whatever the school was serving which was becoming increasingly less each day. Some of the other colonists were resorting to whatever means necessary to get a little extra to eat and many with the supplies were happily taking advantage of the market.  It didn’t take a genius to know that the shady back stores some kids went after school or their parents went before and came back with extra rations weren’t taking just money. Money wasn’t worth much but some other things always were. Sex, drugs, illegally brewed alcohol…it was just the tip of the iceberg as what counted for currency…the rest of the rumoured payments were worse.

Kodos troops turned a blind eye or maybe as his aunt seemed to believe, they actually were getting too overwhelmed to  enforce every law.

The unrest was growing and things were reaching a boiling point. Daily comms went out warning people to turn in their neighbours if they were suspected of seditious acts. And during a food distribution thirty people were trampled when a riot broke out.

Kodos issued the next edict shortly after the riot. Some were saying it was the only logical way, others were calling for his resignation and still others who were quickly silenced were calling for his head.

It was an atmosphere of fear. Kirk could hear the whispers of unease as he stood in line with the rest of his family waiting for their tattoos to be  scanned and their rations to be given. But before they could reach the front a ripple went through the crowd and craning his head he could just make out an air skimmer arriving. Kodos stepped out walking to the platform in the middle of the square. A forcefield crackled in  place around him keeping him protected from any retaliation.

Uneasy silence descended as they all waited to hear what would happen next. Floating vid recorders hovered midair recording and broadcasting the speech for the entire colony to hear.

“Colonists of Tarsus IV, I will be honest with you. While our scientists are working night and day to find a cure for this plague, an answer is slow  in coming. The  organism they are working to eradicate has so far defied even our most advanced minds and technologies. The contagion is planet wide from the surveys our ecological team has conducted. This area of the main colony is actually in better condition than the areas still claimed by nature....in other parts untouched by us the disease had ran rampant destroying whole areas of vegetation in a short period of time. Starfleet may not be able to get to us or even know of our plight for weeks....maybe months. We are on our own.”

There was a collective outbreak of noise at the announcement. It took several minutes before the soldiers could get everyone settled again.

“I feel that it is necessary for all colonists to understand the severity of our plight and to understand that the following measure I enact is for the good of the colony. We simply do not have enough supplies to keep everyone alive. Therefore as Governor of this colony I am issuing the following order, every citizen over the age of fifty who is not directly essential to the well being of the colony may submit themselves for voluntary euthanasia.”

“—He’s crazy...”

“This whole thing has gone too far...”

“Starfleet will help us soon, what he’s talking about is killing people.”

“— You shut up! Kodos actually makes some sense.”

“Fucking murderer—“

The divided opinions of the colonists swirled around and slowly the fury of the crowd grew. Kodos and his troops call for order was ignored. Before they could intervene further five colonists had pulled out weapons and attempted to fire on Kodos.

More screams erupted as their dead bodies toppled back caught in halo of light from the soldiers energy weapons. The whine of weapon fire sounded and Kirk found himself being crushed against his aunt and cousins as people tried to run. Mark had started to cry, and the crush of people was so thick many were in danger of being trampled. Kirk tripped, and fell as someone knocked into him. He couldn’t regain his feet as people swarmed around running past, someone’s shoe kicked him and every time he tried to stand up someone else was there running past. By the time his aunt and Roger helped him to his feet his whole left side was aching where he had fallen, and his nose was bleeding.

When the soldiers finally got control of the crowd again, fourteen colonists lay dead and twenty were injured. Kodos was speaking again. “I may seem harsh and uncaring. But in years to come the actions I take will be seen as what saved lives not destroyed them. I ask that every colonist look upon the self sacrifice of those whose choose to end their life voluntarily for the sake of others as hero’s for the good of this colony.”

 

XXXX XXXX

By the middle of the week over 200 hundred colonists had “volunteered” to be killed. Kirk’s own language teacher had been one of the  people to volunteer, but even though Hoshi Sato was well past the cut off age of those who couldn’t apply she had been turned away. Officially she was listed as being essential personnel but that was beyond the truth. She had once been an esteemed officer in Starfleet and a brilliant linguist but now she was an aging Xenolinguistics teacher living out the rest of her years.

There were rumours that the people weren’t volunteering and that the majority were being made to volunteer. Ages, occupations, all of it was being forged and altered and the people who were really being sent to their deaths had no more choice in the matter than cattle led to slaughter. 

There was an undercurrent of anger in the colonists but people were too scared to do more than protest and those that did go further were quickly silenced. Signs and comm messages went out daily reminding colonists to turn in their neighbours for seditious or treasonous acts and the extra rations offered as a reward were more than enough to convince many people it was worth it.

Three days before his birthday , Kirk’s uncle and about fifty other colonists were released. Officially Kodos stated that as an act of mercy he had pardoned those who were guilty of lesser crimes or being held on charges they were cleared from.

“It was a mistake they said, someone routed the signal through our comm frequency and used my ident code.” His uncle, David told them at the dinner table that night. He  tried to smile but the expression didn’t reach his eyes and his hand trembled as he took a quick sip of water. He wore long sleeves, but Kirk had watched his uncle as he had changed before dinner. His back and arms, were covered in scars from injuries that had failed to regen after being injured over and over again.

After dinner Kirk caught his uncle on the porch.  “It was me, I sent the comm.” He blurted the words without meaning too but found himself unable to stop once he had started. “But not from here.  I swear I sent it anonymous , I never meant for —“

His uncle stopped him with a hand on his shoulder. “I figured that out a few weeks ago Jim.” David continued cutting off the apologies. “It wouldn’t have mattered whether you told or not. Kodos was looking for reasons to take people in.”

Kirk glanced up as his uncle lowered his voice. Even in the dim light the bruises on his face which he had been only too quiet about where they came from, showed clearly. “You were right Jim . Kodos had a lot of us working on projects, and it’s wasn’t just hydroponics. He’s  planning something, something big and I don’t think it stops at this colony.”  David Kirk drew a hand over his face. “There’s not much we can do Jim. Half the colony is either backing Kodos  or they’re too scared to do anything. I’ve got to get you kids and your aunt away from here. The soil on Tarsus makes scanning difficult, outside the colony we’ll be even harder to find. All we’ve have to do then is wait for someone to come.”

XXX XXX

The day of the supposed Kelvin celebration was a sombre affair. Kodos had passed out extra rations but he also  had a mandatory meeting where he issued a law that polarized the colony. Almost the entire colony was either watching or in attendance as were numerous soldiers overseeing the affair, everyone grew quiet as Kodos once again took the stage.

“People of Tarsus IV, even though we have enacted measures to last until the rescue comes, the number of people still vastly outstrip our food supply. Less than 300 colonists have agreed to voluntary termination for the good of the colony. Therefore with the power enforced in me as governor of this colony I have passed the following order. Colonists  will be placed into a lottery. From that lottery a percentage will be randomly picked for termination. Based on our scientists calculations this is the only option left.”

The uproar of the crowd was deafening. Kirk glanced at his Aunt and Uncle who were  watching with grim faces. He knew the plan was for them all to leave tomorrow. They had some rations and supplies packed, but it was still going tough surviving alone in the wilderness until someone came and rescued the colony. Mari, had been arguing to stay but Kirk knew with this latest decree even she would see there was no options left but to try to run and outlast whatever was going to happen to those who stayed.

The whine of laser fire sounded on the edges of the crowd and Kirk saw colonists fall to the ground where they lay unmoving. The smell of seared flesh wafted through the air. Kodos was speaking again, this time calling for order. It took several minutes before the crowd was back under control, then Kodos spoke. “You may think what I suggest is Barbaric but this is the only option. As with the  previous lottery this one will have limits, Children below the age of sixteen will be exempt and also those who are vital  colony resources such as our agricultural scientists .” There was dead silence, some of the crowd appeared mollified by the announcement that their children would be spared. Kodos filled the silence, his voice was suffused with conviction. “This is the only way. We must sacrifice the few or the many will perish. “

XXX XXX

The next two days, there was riots in the streets. People openly fighting soldiers, looting stores, destroying public property. Some of it Kirk heard over illegal comms, most of it he saw with his own eyes.

Security was even more tightly locked down. His family had tried to leave after the announcement and before they had even got to the perimeter a solider had stopped them. Thankfully the man either wasn’t in the mood to detain them or maybe he believed his Aunt’s lie about visiting some friends farther out. Either way, all they were issued was a citation and the notification that all outer colony travel was restricted. Kirk had heard similar stories, it was clear the movements of everyone were being tracked.

There were very few liberties now. Military was cracking down, keeping everything as closely monitored as possible to curb any more potential for insurrection. Food was heavily rationed, many colonists had been assigned to work crews, and every child was mandated for school attendance. Kodos cited all his restrictions as a way to keep order but chaos seemed to be spreading.

There was nothing anyone could do. Colonists deemed mutinous were executed without trial.

Fear ruled and Kodos word was law. In the end the momentum had already been set, and there was no turning back. They had placed a dictator in power and there was no stopping him.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is super short, I have a section I want to add right after this so I snapped off the next scene after this and am going to make that the next part of the other chapter...ever reread your fic and say something is missing...well yeah, a tiny part is missing hope I find the time to write it.

“They’re showing remarkable progress.”

Kodos kept pace with the Vulcan, as he listened to the man’s report. Su’lak continued, his voice even and controlled to anyone else but Kodos sensed the eagerness and excitement that was present as an undercurrent.

“When will you be ready for tertiary integration?”

Su’lak steppled his fingers. “We’ve started preliminary steps but some personalities are being very resistant.”

Kodos frowned, reading between the Vulcan’s words. “James?”

“Among others. Governor, I suggest he and the others be –“

“We will not be eliminating them.”

“Sir.”

Kodos over talked the Vulcan. “Your studies have indicated the more resistance the primary consciousness the more the implanted consciousness will integrate once the primary has been sufficiently deconstructed. Correct?”

“Yes, however based on time cons—“

“They _will_ stay, particularly James. And if you aren’t willing to put the work in, you _can_ and will be replaced. Do I make myself clear?”

“Yes sir.” The words were said stiffly but Kodos was confident had he made his point.

“Now, show me them.”

“As you wish.”

They walked in silence until, they reached a balcony overlooking several fenced in acres of the compound. Below, mostly children and teens drilled in formation. Kodos watched for several minutes as they finished drilling and began target practice using Holo targets.

“You have camera’s on them?”

“Yes.”

Kodos, took a pad from a Vulcan standing nearby and then turned to Su’lak. “Have we tried them with live targets yet?”

“Animals.”

“I think it’s time for an upgrade. Remove half of them from the field…leave James. And arm them with…knives.”

“Knives? They’ve all shown proficiency with energy weapons and—“

“When you kill with an long distance weapon you don’t get the sensation of the kill. Close quarters will allow them to truly feel it, this way we can observe the level of integration directly. If they are truly integrated they should not reticence against eliminating their targets.”

Su’lak hesitated the barest hint of a second before nodding.  He gave orders to an assistant standing near him and within minutes, the colonists that had most recently been selected for termination were led stumbling and confused into the enclosure.

There clothes were dirty and torn, and their faces were bloodied and shocked. The shock only increased as they took in the row of barely more than children standing before them uncaringly. Each of the colonist had a weapon laid at their feet and if not for their bound hands would have no doubt attempted to use it on their captors.

Kodos stepped forward, raising his voice as he activated the comm attached to his collar. “You have ten minutes, leave no one alive—“

One of the colonist spat his gag out and managed to yell, “You’ll die for this you fucking—“ He fell silent as he was clubbed into submission. And Kodos continued. “You will be graded on how many individual kills you make—“ Kodos paused and found Kirk in the line of young teens and adults standing before him. “And James, bring me his head. Good hunting to you all, and remember we fight for—“

“THE REVOLUTION!” Was the yell emitted by a chorus of voices, before the line of adolescents began walking away from their prey. Once there were several hundred feet separating them, they turned. Each only a knife at the ready, they were poised waiting for the signal.

Meanwhile, the colonists bonds had been deactivated and they were frantically pulling gags out their mouths and grabbing weapons. Many were openly sobbing, and Kodos knew their dilemma, to kill their own nieces, nephews, grandchildren, or children or to die themselves.

In the end their reluctance didn’t matter. The signal came and they didn’t stand a chance. The children surged forward, single mindedly. Their training taking over as they attacked. Kodos, watched the exercise,  his lips giving a slight smile of  satisfaction as a girl gutted her own mother mercilessly as the woman begged, before turning to a boy barely eight as he disembowelled a cowering elderly man, and finally he settled on James, who hunted like he was possessed.

He excelled at this task as he did all the others. He was quick and deadly, where others lingered drawing out the pain, he killed, but did so in such a way that the net effect was the same, death, but excruciatingly painful. It was strange how his other consciousness resisted against other aspects of training, but never this. It was like both Kirk’s were made to destroy.

Finally the last colonist left was the man who had yelled out. He ran even though there was nowhere to go. Kodos zoomed in as James pulled a knife out and calmly threw it. The blade slice through the back of the man’s knees, and he toppled forward.

James, continued forward, until he was standing over his prey. Expertly he slashed the man, making several more cuts until he had his prey incapacitated. He stared at the man impassively before saying something the audio didn’t catch. The man replied in kind and spat at him. James smiled then, a grin that started small and then spread. It continued spreading, as Kirk took his knife and cut the man’s ears off, then his fingers, and finally he placed his knife to the colonist throat dull side first and began drawing it back and forth, agonizingly slow.

It took him a full two minutes to fully saw through, and by then he was covered in blood. James, grabbed the now severed head and raised it up in triumphant. His white teeth gleamed out from beneath the red coating his skin.

Kodos, let his lips curve into a pleased expression then. James T. Kirk, the son of the hero to the Federation George Samuel Kirk, would one day be one of the most reviled names.

After what they had allowed to happen it only seemed right that the federation had their symbol of hope and renewal turned into a symbol of their own destruction. The Federation would fall, and from their ash’s Kodos knew he could build something greater.


	15. Chapter 15

There were publicly broadcasted executions now as people were led into disintegration chambers and dissolved. These deaths were reserved for the worst of the worst, those who spoke out. A once underground black market was becoming more and more out in the open and Kodos troops failed to interfere. There were rumours of people dying and their bodies being sold as meat. Most of the colony’s pets had been slaughtered for food, and even school no longer offered lunches.

And yet there was  nothing anyone could do. There weapons had been confiscated, gatherings of more than three people unless sanctioned was prohibited. Comm’s were even more closely monitored. Air skimmers and other vehicles has been confiscated. And anyone found stealing or hoarding food was executed on the spot.

The future looked bleak and then salvation came.

“Damn it, I don’t believe it! Starfleet is here!”

Kirk heard his uncles voice from somewhere in the kitchen and ran in just in time to watch the tail end of a news vid.

“I’m outside the government building and am able to confirm reports. Starfleet shuttles have arrived in just the past few hours.  A message requesting relief was sent out weeks ago, but colonists had long feared that due to the phenomena currently surrounding this planet , their cries for help went unheard. Now, we know that Starfleet not only heard but they have come to help. Relief supplies are being distributed now and there are unconfirmed reports that evacuation of this colony to a starship in orbit will begin within the next 48 hours.”

Kirk wasn’t sure what to think. On one hand it all seemed to easy , on the other he had seen the Starfleet officers walking out of the shuttle in their regulation uniforms . And yet he couldn’t fully believe.

Hero’s and saviours were only in fairy tales.

The real world was for the villains.

XXX XXX

Kirk sank his fist into the boy’s face. A crowd of kids had gathered around him, he could hear their yells. Screams of fear, mingled with cries of encouragement. Blood flecked his face as the boy’s nose broke and bloody saliva flew from his mouth. Kirk’s opponent tried to rush him and Kirk caught him, sending a knee into his chest, hard enough to break ribs. The kid staggered back, coughing, blood streaming down his face from his broken nose. Kirk followed up with a kick to his chest, the boy landed backwards his head falling head falling hard against the ground.

Kirk couldn’t remember the kids name? Tyler, Charles…whatever it was it didn’t matter. He had said something to Lucy? Or maybe he had made fun of Kirk, or…the why wasn’t important either.

_He wanted the blood, he wanted the pain. He wanted to…kill._

Kirk quickly straddled the downed kid and continued his assault. He gripped his opponent’s hair bashing his head into the ground repeatedly as the boy tried to get his hands around Kirk’s throat.

The boy’s hands loosened.

  _Kirk followed up with two successive punches the face. The face was a mass of blood and gore, blood trickled out his mouth._

Kirk gripped his throat, pressing in hard, his fingers tightening, choking off the kid’s wind pipe.

_He was gasping, his hands scrabbled against his desperately trying to free himself. He gasped for air like a dying man. His face was bright red , his eyes bulged._

“Stop!”

_Kirk pressed tighter, taking it slowly, enjoying the way his eyes dimmed._

“Stop!”

The boy writhed trying to get free and Kirk held on even tighter.

_Bloody spittle was frothing at his lips as he tried to draw in a breath through his crushed trachea. His hands fell back, his face slowly slackened…he was dead._

“STOP!”

Hands pulled him away and Kirk fought against them blindly. Someone got him in a chokehold and finally managed to pull him away.

The person holding him was whispering something to him. He couldn’t make out the words, but he felt his body relax almost against his will. He could feel the anger draining from him.

It was like waking up again, he glanced at the boy laying on the ground, who was slowly gasping, his face was bloodied but not as bad as Kirk had thought it would be…he was alive…he should have been dead.

Memories were fading leaving him wondering if they had even happened.

Kirk looked back at the person who had grabbed him and saw it was one of Kodos guards who was stationed at the school.

The man was staring at him with an impassive expression and calmly reached out grabbing him by the shoulder “follow me.”

The teachers, and students making up the crowd surrounding the fight , parted as they walked. Kirk tried to ignore the look of horror on their faces and the primal delight at carnage that he saw hints of in others.

Kirk could remember the fight. He could remember the rage he had felt. He could remember the way it had felt to have blood running down his hands, and bone crunching under his fist. But he couldn’t remember why he had even started.

It was just a feeling of unexplainable rage.

XXX XXX

The school had let him go home, he was suspended for one day. Everything was hazy, he remembered talking to the principal. Kodos had been at the school and Kirk remembered being brought to an office to speak with him, but he couldn’t remember the conversation.

Overall the punishment was much less than it would have been months prior. He got off with a suspension for a day, and detention for a few weeks. He should have been sent to a young offender’s institution and a behavioural therapist, this was the fifth incident in two weeks.

The boy he had attacked with 13 years old with 8 broken ribs, two skull fractures, a broken nose and a tracheal tear. He’d live. And Kirk felt sick and confused for the feeling of disappointment he felt when he heard the boy would live. _He hadn’t completed the job._

Kirk wordlessly got in the air skimmer after his aunt. She didn’t look at him as she opened the door. She didn’t say a word.

The skimmer started and Kirk stared at his hands. He rubbed his hands on his pants as he noticed dried blood under his finger nails.

It was quiet for _56 more seconds_ -Kirk counted- then his aunt started. “You almost killed that boy.”

He didn’t say anything there was nothing he could say.

“His mother was executed last week.” She continued. “He pushed you James, just a push. And you nearly killed him.”

So that was what it had been. The trigger that had set him off…except that wasn’t it.

Kirk was still silent.

“You’re covered in blood, you were doing so well and now these past few weeks…” She trailed off.

 _38 seconds later_ -Kirk counted again, holding his breath on the off seconds. He wanted to forget the day.

“SAY SOMETHING GOD DAMNIT!”

She screamed the words, slamming her hand on the skimmer’s controls. The skimmer veered to one side. Kirk felt his stomach flip at that, his aunt never swore. Never yelled.

Still he didn’t speak, what was there to say. How could he apologize. How could he explain when he didn’t even know himself?

She was quieter now, tears slowly falling down her cheeks. “If I was in contact with your mother , I’d send you back. We tried James, David and I tried but this…”

That was the death knell. He felt his stomach flip again, sour bile rose in his throat , as tears prickled his eyes. He had messed up again. They were right, Frank, his mom, Sam, Roger, , Everyone. There was something wrong with him, that’s why everyone left.

They were running from him.

He let the air skimmer window down and retched. When he let it back up, his aunt was staring at him. Her eyes were haunted like she was staring at something she couldn’t even fathom.

He tried. He really did. But the words were inadequate.

“I’m sorry…” He trailed off, knowing would fix what he had done.

He felt like a beast was growing himself of him. He wanted to tell her about the way he would be doing something and feel enraged for no reason. Or how he would have spots during the day where he couldn’t remember what he happened. Whole hours, minutes, seconds, missing with no memory of what had happened.

Bruises and regenned skin from injuries he couldn’t remember. Muscle memory for tasks he should have had no idea how to do. He felt like he was slowly growing crazy….or maybe he always had been and now he was just noticing it.


	16. Chapter 16

After Starfleet had arrived things had changed.  Things were returning to normal on the colony...or at least what normal was before the crop failures.  A week after their arrival for the first time in a long time Kirk actually went to bed not hungry. There were rumours that Kodos was about to be arrested and Starfleet was investigating his order that had led to hundreds of people dying.  And the gossip about evacuation had turned out to be true. The Starship was only big enough for a few hundred, so today Starfleet had called the colonists together so a drawing could be held and each family would be  awarded a number on the evac list.

Kirk and the rest of the colonies children found themselves back at school, there wasn’t any classes that day. The teachers had long since given up trying to teach with the excitement of the day. Instead groups of kids were gathered around chatting with friends, working on projects or playing games on Padds. It was remarkable that just a few days ago people had been fighting in the streets and now with the appearance of Starfleet everything was returning to normal.

“Aren’t you excited J.T.” Sami had been talking his ear off the entire day. “We’re going to leave here.... and Kodos will be sent to a _penal_ colony my grandmother says..... I can’t wait to see my brother.”

Sami continued talking not waiting for a response. Kirk had to admit her enthusiasm was  somewhat infectious. And though he would be glad to leave Tarsus with everything that was going on, he wondered what would happen to him afterwards.  He’d actually been happy on Tarsus and now once again he was facing the unknown. Would his mother insist that he go back to Earth and live with Frank or would she let him stay with his aunt and uncle?

“You’d like my brother Jake. Maybe, my mom will let you come visit us. “

“Yeah, maybe .”

“Will you both be quiet, the teacher’s talking.” An Andorian boy hissed  from the seat next to them.

Sami stuck her tongue out but fell silent.

“I’d like your attention please, Starfleet officers are here to you all to the transport point from there your respective families will collect you.  They have a list of who will go to each site please step forward when your name is called and wait in  the hall.

“Sierra Aa”

Kirk joined the impatient group of kids in the corridor. Two Starfleet officer were watching over the group of children. One was dressed in Starfleet yellow, the other red. The red shirt’s face seemed familiar but Kirk couldn’t place it. 

“Damn it I lost my cap.”

She started to turn back, but a Starfleet officer noticed and barked at her. “Stay in line.”

“But.” Sami took a step forward and the guy grabbed her by the shoulder and roughly pushed her back in place.

Kirk took a step forward, his hands curling into fists, his eyes analysing the man for how best to attack. Kirk hadn’t realised he had moved, until he felt Sami tap his shoulder. “Don’t J.T.”

He let out a breath he hadn’t known he was holding and turned back to Sami, forcing his face into a smile. “I’ll go get it.”

“But he said—“

Kirk didn’t bother to hear what else she said. Instead he shoved the kid nearest him, pushing him into another. Kirk lashed out with his foot, sweeping three of his classmates effortlessly off balance. The kids stumbled trying to stay upright and in the process crashing into their fellow classmates, Kirk used the commotion to slip out the crowd and down the hall towards the classroom Sami had been in. He tried to ignore the troubled look on Sami’s face.

XXX XXX

Kirk bent down searching under the desk, finally he found Sami’s tattered baseball cap under a desk near the back. He snatched the hat up  and slipped out the classroom. He was about to continue forward when he heard voices just around the corner.

“I thought we cleared this area.”

“We did, Mitchell said he saw some kid come back this way.”

“Well, anyway, I’ll be happy after today when everything is over. These uniforms are itchy. I don’t see why we have to do this.”

“Because it puts people at ease. They recognise the Starfleet uniform and assume everything will be okay.”

“Brainless sheep, easier to round them all up.”

A chill went through him. Flashes of everything that had happened in the few days went through his mind. _Kodos had issued his latest law and the colony had been on the verge of an uprising...but, then miraculously Starfleet had arrived to save the day._

It had all been to perfect...Kirk wasn’t entirely sure who they were but it was clear that Starfleet wasn’t here to save them. Something else was going on.

He didn’t get a chance to hide, before he could move two people rounded the corner.

They stared at him for a moment and could practically see the gears turning in their heads... _Had he heard them._

A woman dressed in Starfleet gold,  narrowed her eyes. “What were you doing?”   Kirk forced his face to relax and held up Sami’s cap. “M-my friend lost her cap.”

The  man she was with shrugged “Well, move along. You want to be left behind on this planet by yourself?” He chuckled a little at his joke, but the laughter didn’t reach his eyes.

“No, sir.”  Kirk answered quickly, trying to act normal. His head was swirling with the possibilities. If they weren’t Starfleet then who...Kirk was pretty sure he the answer.  Kodos was using people’s hopes against them. Everyone wanted to believe they were saved and so they did.  The man and woman followed him back to his school group, before walking off. ‘

Kirk passed Sami her hat back, not even bothering to reply to her thanks. Instead he was scanning the group looking for an opportunity to get away. He had a bad feeling about what was about to happen and as far as he knew he was the only person who had realised something was off. He needed to figure out what was going on.

“J.T. are you okay?”

“Huh, what?” Kirk turned to find Sami watching him. He wanted to tell her and the words almost left his mouth. But there was nothing she could do and if he told  now and the guards overheard then who knew what would happen.

“I’m fine.” He hesitated but Sami was still watching him appraisingly and he couldn’t help blurting out in a whisper. “Listen, I’m going to leave in a minute. There’s something I gotta check out. “

“What?”

“Something...I’ll tell you later.”

Sami looked disgruntled but sighed. “Okay.”

Kirk looked around trying to figure out a way to get from the group. They were hemmed in on all sides by Starfleet guards supposedly marching them to the transport site where their parents would be waiting.  Nobody was allowed out of the tightly packed group, Kirk tried a classic ploy.

“I gotta go to the bathroom.”

The officer nearest him didn’t bother to turn around as he answered. “Hold it.”

“I can’t, I really need to go, I don’t feel good.”

At that the man turned and moved closer. “Listen, we’ve got orders kid. I’ve got only a few minutes to get all of you where you need to be, so suck it up.”

Kirk was losing his chance, they were nearing the exit to the school and it would be harder to leave without being followed once they were out in the open. He hated to do it but desperate times called for desperate measures and there was one thing most people didn’t ignore.

He stuck a finger down his throat within seconds kids were backing away from him as he bent over retching.

XXXX XXXX

“You’ve got one more minute to get your ass out here or I’m coming in.”

“Okay.” Kirk called back, gagging at the end for good measure. His phony sickness had worked, the officer in charge had been pissed but rather than continue to force march a puking kid he had one of his men escort Kirk to a bathroom. 

His escort had thankfully chose to wait  outside, and Kirk had used the opportunity alone to try to escape. The bathroom had one narrow window. It was sealed tight, but  in between fake retches every few seconds he had been working on prying it open. The knife his mother had insisted he and his brother carry came in handy as he worked cut away the flexy window seal. “Yes.” He whispered to himself as he pried away the last piece. The window slid apart and Kirk carefully manoeuvred himself through the small gap.

And not a moment too soon. He heard the bathroom lock clicking as the man tried to open it and knew it would only  be a few seconds before he realised he was gone. It was a short distance to the ground and he landed on his feet and took off running.

He intended to go to the transport site and try to find his aunt and uncle but halfway there he had to hide.  People dressed in Starfleet uniforms and carrying weapons  marched past, he had just enough time to duck into an alley as they passed.

“Everyone else is in position, we’ll get our orders when we get there.”

It was only a half second of decision but in the end his curiosity out won any other plan. He trailed behind the group until they reached the main government building.

Two guards were standing in the main entrance but it was clear their heart wasn’t in the job of guarding the office. One was staring off into the distance a weapon held almost nonchalantly in his gripp. The other was looking at something on his comm unit. They straightened up as the Starfleet officers came near, but as soon as the men and women had cleared the doorway the guards resumed what they had been doing.

Nothing made sense, if Starfleet had supposedly taken control then why were Kodos soldiers still in operation? Why were the schools being evacuated? And what had the woman meant by at school when she said after today everything would be over? There were too many questions. And Kirk had to find some answers.

Neither solider was paying enough attention to notice the skinny teen who scaled the side of the building and let himself in using a balcony door.

Kirk stepped into a hall trying to remember the layout. He had been to this place a few times before , when Kodos had brought him in from class to determine whether he knew about Leighton’s kidnapping.

The place looked different though, entire rooms were cleared out. Flimsies and Padds scattered across the floor like someone had left in haste. The building had been filled with staff and colonists, now it was near silent. Kirk rounded a corner trying to find his way to a main data terminal or figure out where the Starfleet officers were meeting. From their he could hopefully find out what was being planned.

Before he had searched for more than a few minutes, footsteps sounded in the distance and Kirk heard snatches of voices. One was Kodos.

Kirk knew it wasn’t a good idea to be found. He ducked in the nearest room and immediately swore as he recognised his surroundings. He hadn’t realised he had come that far but he was in Kodos office.

Unfortunately the group in the hall  also decided to enter the same room, Kirk had barely enough time to hide in a closet before four people walked in. Three were Starfleet officers, two men and a woman. The other person was Kodos.

Kodos seated himself at the desk  in  the middle of the room and pulled up something on a Holo screen. Kirk could only make out a few of the words but it appeared to be two list of names and ages. Before he could consider the matter further Kodos spoke.

“Do you have most of them rounded up?”

The female solider spoke. “About half sir, we’re clearing the schools now. Most of  the adults are at the _transport_   _sites. T_ he rest will come when they hear their kids are being confined.”

“Good.” Kodos nodded.

The woman appeared to hesitate and then she added. “Excuse me, sir but was any of this really necessary? Wouldn’t it be easier if we just did an aerial instead of gathering them together in small groups and why are we only taking care of a few of them now. It—“

Kodos cut her off. “Lisbon, what you just said might be easier but ease isn’t what I’m going for. Do you know why this way is better?”

Lisbon, hesitated again then shook her head. “No sir.”

Kodos gave a cold smile and turned to the man standing near him. “How about you Avers?”

“Your way will make them more fearful and it will also serve the dual purpose of keeping the others in line. “

“Exactly.” Kodos turned back to the woman. “ This way we used peoples hopes against them. They wanted Starfleet and we gave it to them. By the time they realise it’ll be too late, their hope is destroyed and the remaining colonists are ready to follow me.”

Kirk’s neck was aching from the way he was holding his head so he could peer out gap in the door. His mouth went dry at Kodos next words.

“The ships aren’t finished, neither are the weapons. Some of the colonists have skills we can make use of. They may not want to but they will do what they are asked because they have no choice and they will reason that all they have to do is survive until they are rescued. I have studied history and more importantly I know sentient creatures, we really aren’t so far from animals. They will kill, they will murder, they will do anything including turning in those who are criminals...and that is what those who run, who fight who refuse to die for the good of the colony will be. Little do they know that eventually most of them will die anyway. A righteous sacrifice... for the good of  future generations.”

Kodos face was bright with a enraptured look as he finished. Kirk knew then and there that whatever the man  believed, only one thing was true. He knew what he was doing...and he wouldn’t stop. Not because he was crazy...because he believed he was right.

The conversation started  back up and this time it was orders and plans. Kirk could barely follow along. He felt sick, his mind kept running over what he had heard. By the time he focused back, Kodos was rising. “Have your two units meet me in the university square we’ll start there.” The three fake Starfleet officers followed him out.

Kirk glanced toward the data terminal then at the door. Part of him wanted to run and find his family but a larger part of him knew he had to warn the rest of the colonists. Starfleet wasn’t here to save them...

He tried to send a comm, it was easy to bypass the restriction codes on the network. By when he tried to tap into the emergency alert system to send a colony wide message interference blocked his attempts. He tried again, routing and  rerouting the message through different frequency, after a few moments it became apparent, Kodos had blocked every channel.

Kirk had a good idea what Kodos was planning now. It was more than apparent that the man had his own agenda and the thousands of people on Tarsus were nothing more than pawns to him. But as he accessed the file Kodos had been reviewing, with each line the blood drained out of his face a little more. Some of his school items were still in his pocket and he quickly dug around until he found a data chip. He slipped the data chip in the console and continued reading as the file downloaded. One column read at the top: _Phase one: Termination due to genetic defect, political dissension, traitorous actions, or no discernible use ._ Underneath the harsh heading was a list of names that stretched down and down as Kirk scrolled, it had to be at least a few hundred, maybe even more than that.  The next column had the heading _Phase one:_. Bile rose in Kirk’s throat as he quickly scanned down the lists. He finally spotted what he was looking for as he glanced back and forth between the columns, There were his name, his cousins, his aunt and uncle. He looked further and noted friends , teachers, storekeepers.

_Hoshi Sato_

_D’Anka Yepu_

_Viola Labil_

_John Harrison_

_Samantha Anne Gestalt_

_Carla Stadi_

_S’Chann Tsai Ph’ai Selek_

_..._

_..._

_James Tiberius Kirk_

 

The names swirled in front of his eyes like a nauseating kaleidoscope. Each group of names has a corresponding number next to it and each number corresponded to what they had been told were transport and relief sites. Now he knew what Kodos plan was.  There never was a plan to distribute food. No aide would be coming and Starfleet wasn’t coming instead all of those who Kodos had deemed not fit to live were being gathered in the places where they would be slaughtered.  

Kirk pulled his data chip free as the last of the information downloaded. He opened the door to the hall and took off running. Within seconds he had slipped down the balcony and to the street below. It was only a few minutes run to the University Square where he was almost positive his family would be. By the time he arrived he was panting and out of breath. Kodos soldiers lined the courtyard and he could see groups of people  but couldn’t spot his cousins, or his aunt and uncle. They didn’t  notice as he slipped into line with a group of people being escorted to the courtyard.

Kodos voice was booming out as people stood and watched, and Kirk saw that for some reason the man had removed his mask that he always wore. His face was unmarred unlike many believed. He had red hair and now that Kirk knew what he had planned cruel eyes.

He finally spotted his aunt and uncle in the crowd and was weaving his way towards them, desperate to let someone know, but as he neared them Kodos raised his voice even louder until he seemed to fill the courtyard.

_" You know it is  common; all that lives must die,  Passing through nature to eternity. We must not fear that which will come to us but instead find purpose in our deaths just as we have our lives. I want you all to know that the federation will know of the sacrifices of this colony and I and my followers will create a better galaxy. Nothing that is done here will be in vain. The future will be the present soon.”_

The square was filled with noise, people were asking questions, confusion and fear in every word.  Kirk continued forcing his way through the group, he was well aware there was nothing to do. It was too late. Soldiers surrounded them and anybody who tried to run would be gunned down, _“ The revolution is successful. But survival depends on drastic measures. Your continued existence represents a threat to the well-being of society. Your lives mean slow death to the more valued members of the colony. Therefore, I have no alternative but to sentence you to death. Your execution is so ordered, signed Kodos, Governor of Tarsus IV."_

Voices, broke out, confused chatter, screamed questions, crying, but it was all in vain. Kodos raised a hand ,then bolts of light were lancing out from all sides. People fell on all sides as bright flashes hit bodies obliterating skin and bone. Kirk tried to move away and saw a bolt of light crash into the man next to him , then felt something hot and wet coat his face. He could taste blood on his lips and knew it wasn’t his own. People were panicking, pushing at each other screaming and Kirk fell under the crush. Feet trampled him, bodies fell on him and then suddenly a boot moved back catching his temple .

He faded away to the thud of corpses around him and the thick cloying smell of burnt flesh and spilled blood.

~END PART I~

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know, would you like part 2 posted in this same work? or in a separate work that I would link.   
> Hope you enjoyed the first part, this story is told in three parts total. So part two needs some work, strangely I have part three written mostly and part 2 is the one that needs some pieces and parts.
> 
> The basic organization of the fic is Part I-Pre-execution. Part II-After the execution but before Starfleet rescues them-Part III-Starfleet rescuing the Tarsus Nine and the aftermath of that.


	17. Chapter 17

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Trailer to Part II](https://youtu.be/A6S9dNgOQiA)

 

~Coming Soon~


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